Opening Segment
- Goldberg comes out to a great ovation.
- Good god, Goldberg is a shitty promo.
- Goldberg says he's never made a promise he can't keep and says he promises he'll be WWE Universal Champion.
- I fully believe Goldberg has such an ego that he wouldn't promise it if it weren't true.
- Kevin Owens comes out and saves this with a nice promo. Not like the segment was tanking or anything -- Goldberg is super, super over, but it might have if Owens wouldn't have carried the talking.
- KO seemed confident here. It's a 180 from just a few weeks ago, and a nice evolution.
- Goldberg's talking points were kept short, and that ended up being
New Day (w/ Kofi Kingston) defeated Rusev & Hardbody Mahal (w/ Lana)
- Pouring an asshole inspired cereal all over children shouldn't be so hilarious.
- New Day talk about their ice cream and say that they're facing Shining Stars. When Primo and Epico come out, New Day apologize and say Primo and Epico are actually facing Big Show later.
- HARDBODY MAHAL and Rusev are facing New Day instead
- This match was uneventful and unimportant, but Big E is a fun hot tag.
- Xavier gets the bridged prawn pin, and Hardbody is pissed at Rusev for taking the fall.
Backstage crappenings!
- Enzo is pumped to win the tag titles, but Big Cass has to calm him down. He also has to put Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows over in his promo, because WWE doesn't do it any other time.
- Samoa Joe runs into Cesaro & Sheamus. Joe and Cesaro play up their history. Cesaro delivers a pretty terrible like telling Sheamus he'll handle things. I don't think Cesaro has ever beaten Joe, even though he says he's always been able to handle him.
- Stephanie McMahon is in the back and running down Mick Foley. Seems like she's trying to motivate him, because I'd imagine she'd just fire him if she wanted.
- Foley later calls Samoa Joe a puppet, and books Joe against Cesaro tonight.
- Braun Strowman asks Foley for a contract to prevent Roman Reigns from running.
- Neville and Tony Nese have a really shitty backstage promo.
- Beth Phoenix is going into the Hall of Fame! Excellent video package, as usual.
Akira Tozawa defeated Noam Dar (w/ Alicia Fox)
- I say this every week, but Tazawa's screaming is a joy.
- I don't like Tozawa's short range chops, however.
- Tozawa took a rough bump flat on his face from the second rope, almost botches a frankensteiner, and nearly eats mat on a suicide dive headbutt.
- Tozawa wins, not his best outing though.
- Brian Kendrick attacks Tozawa in an effort to educate him.
Nia Jax & Charlotte (w/ Dana Brooke) defeated Bayley & Sasha Banks
- Charlotte trashes Bayley for not doing the right thing. Solid promo.
- Bayley's charm is starting to shine through on the main roster.
- Sasha Banks' delivery is not good, per usual. Also she adds "a" at the end of every sentence.
- Banks says Charlotte has a stupid face. It's a dumb line that the fans chant, so oh well.
- Charlotte brings out Nia Jax, because they wisely won't let Dana Brooke wrestle on TV at this point.
- Bayley has some Dusty Rhodes polka dots on her gear.
- I've always liked how Sasha's offense is knee based. Really gets a lot of it over better.
- Charlotte sells so much like her father that it's almost comical.
- Dana Brooke botches a trip attempt. This is a mess.
- Nia has a really reckless over-the-shoulder gutbuster, then did an elbow drop the wrong direction. The ref misses a pinfall attempt on Charlotte. Okay.
- The crowd at least seemed into this match.
- There was a weird hotshot spot that Bayley did to Charlotte, too. A lot of blown spots on this show.
- Nia Jax wins with a leg drop on Bayley after slamming Sasha onto her. Glad that one's over.
- Backstage later Sasha says she'll have Bayley's back at the PPV. Stephanie shows up and puts Sasha in a Fastlane match with Nia Jax.
Big Cass (w/ Enzo Amore) defeated Luke Gallows (w/ Karl Anderson)
- Barely a reaction for Enzo and Cass. That's what happens when you rely on a popular catchphrase to keep someone over instead of booking.
- These two hit each other really hard in this hoss match. Gallows would sit just a step away from the corner and the impact looked more vicious.
- Cass looks like a dumbass not pinning after the elbow, but hits a boot that Gallows sells great for the win.
Sheamus defeated Titus O'Neil
- They're really testing viewer patience tonight. Okay.
- This match was set up by Titus getting punked out on Facebook earlier. Okay.
- Titus attacks before the bell. Sheamus Brogue Kicks him in the ring and wins. Okay.
- Sure. Okay. Why not? I guess.
Seth Rollins
- Rollins is out to be interviewed by Corey Graves.
- A bunch of losers in the crowd chant "CM Punk." Neat, gang.
- Rollins wonders what he sacrificed to be WWE Champion and questions his path.
- Rollins says he probably won't be cleared for WrestleMania.
- Triple H and Samoa Joe come out and says Rollins won't be in or at WrestleMania.
- HHH says he used Seth Rollins, and Rollins knew what he was getting in to.
- Triple H cuts an incredible promo, and Seth Rollins says he's going to be at WrestleMania.
- Great promo, but I don't think we have any idea what to expect for Mania. Hm.
- This was kept very open-ended intentionally. WWE can make this what they want.
Big Show defeated Shining Stars
- Shining Stars get a little offense, then they DIE.
- Show punches one, which makes Epico DDT his partner. That was cool.
Jack Gallagher & TJP defeated Tony Nese and Neville
- An Austin Aries return package airs before. Aries says "You like my package, Cole? It was massive, wasn't it?" Cole breaks.
- Neville doesn't save Nese after their backstage disagreement, and Gallagher gets the win in quick fashion.
- This was harmless, and looks like Nese is the next in line at Neville.
Samoa Joe defeated Cesaro
- This match was a repeated display of Cesaro's strength, which never gets old to me. It's like Cesaro was just like "let me see if I can pull all this shit off," and did.
- Joe works over Cesaro's knee and capitalizes. That uranage he's using to win is pretty nice.
Contract signing
- Mick Foley stands up to Braun Strowman and almost gets attack.
- Reigns shows up, kicks Braun's ass, and spears him (and a security guard) through a barricade.
- Braun Strowman breaks a turnbuckle with Reigns' chest. Damn.
- This crowd sucks, but so has the show. Wow.
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