Sean Ross Sapp's WrestleMania 33 Notes! Goldberg vs. Lesnar, Cena Proposes, Hardys, Taker, Reigns, More!

Pre- Show

  • Maria Menonous for the WWE Hall of Fame. I'm not joking. She's done four matches, a HOF induction, ring announcing, backstage interviewing. Plus I'd like to see all the scrubs that booed her at MSG cry.
  • Shawn Michaels suggests Seth Rollins' career is over if he loses. Don't insult us, bro.
  • Lita sounds rough on a lot of these pre-shows.

WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Neville (c) defeated Austin Aries

  • This ramp is really damn long. It's such a unique visual.
  • Neville is just fantastic.
  • For shows like this, especially, the camera cuts and zooms need to be reduced. People don't have time to take in any imagery.
  • Commercials during a kickoff match are not a new thing. Stop acting like it is. 
  • Neville took a nasty bump to the outside
  • Neville angrily shuts up the ref, heh.
  • Cruiserweights are gonna mess around and ruin suplexes for everyone else in WWE. Aries took one on his head.
  • Aries with a damn incredible discus forearm, and Neville's sell may have been even better
  • Yeah, cut to a fan mid-450. Foolish production. 
  • Neville rakes the surgically repaired eye of Aries, then kicks the rope into it! Red Arrow, and the win! Great stuff.
  • A lot of people seemed upset that there was no DQ for the eye gouge, but Jon Jones has never been DQ'd, either.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Mojo Rawley wins.

  • GOLDUST IN HIS OLD GEAR!!!!
  • Luke Harper is in this too. 
  • Damn, it's not gonna be Braun throwing everyone out.
  • Big Show out. Oh my god. Strowman is out. 
  • What in the shit is Sin Cara wearing?
  • Eliminating Braun was a neat way to kill every ounce of heat for this match.
  • Big Show and Braun Strowman put in a lot of work and got a raw deal on this year's WrestleMania
  • Tian Bing eliminates Breezango. Yikes.
  • Mojo wants Dolph Ziggler to die.
  • Gronk will be out for like six weeks if he touches ANYONE. Ugh, this is so transparent and bad. 
  • God damn, Gronk is huge. By WWE standards.
  • Mojo wins.
  • The Big Show's weight problems did not die on the old rugged cross for these sins.
  • TIP: If you manage to get a WWE gig, get famous friends. Find the biggest mark celebrity you possibly can.

Intercontinental Championship
Dean Ambrose (c) defeats Baron Corbin

  • Ambrose, early on, takes a tough bump into the ring post.
  • Baron Corbin busts out a little new offense. This is important in general, and particularly on the WrestleMania show.
  • Meanwhile, Ambrose's offense is stale and has been for years. Corbin's psychology was actually built around this at the end of the match.
  • This match would have been six minutes on the main show. I'd imagine the Smackdown women's match will be short, now.
  • Ambrose flips out of an End of Days, hits his finish and wins. 
  • Mediocre at best, honestly.
  • You just know they'll do a rematch Tuesday.

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