The WWE is straight-up teasing an official Women’s Tag Division, with tag straps and everything.
I mean, it’s about damn time, but hooray!
It began with this tweet about a story on WWE.com:
It’s ostensibly about the new hypothetical changes and innovations that new SmackDown General Manager Paige could bring to Tuesday Nights.
Bringing back Talking Smack.
Let NXT superstars compete on SmackDown.
Make the US Champ defend the title every week on TV.
Bring back more surprise alumni.
And, of course, a Women’s Tag Division. Now, the article seems to be stating that this hypothetical division would be exclusive to SmackDown, which is stupid, because RAW should have one too. However, whether or not the alleged Women’s Tag Division is also allegedly on its way to the red brand is kind of a moot point, because this column is all about how the Women’s Tag Division can make Becky Lynch into the star that she deserves to be.
She’s objectively one of the funniest women on the roster, and she even understands our obsessive need for continuity. Okay maybe it’s just MY obsessive need for continuity, but regardless, she understands.
Two weeks ago, on the #SmackDownAfterMania, Charlotte was jumped by Aye-Aye-Conic NXT callups Billie Kay and Peyton Royce and suffered a beatdown that led directly into her losing her SD Women’s title to a cashing in Carmella.
Now, Becky is Charlotte’s in-canon best friend, so where was she? Why didn’t she run in to help Charlotte fend off her attackers?
She knew we’d be asking those questions. She also knew that the answer was: “Because the writers are lazy,” so she decided to help them out, with a little assist from everyone’s favorite fiber-rich, gluten-free food of the future.
DANG, that’s good continuity.
But it gets even better, because the following week, when Charlotte was jumped again, Becky this time made the save. Had she learned her lesson to stay away from the siren song of the super-grain? Turns out, nope, she just made sure to be watching a monitor this time.
That Becky Lynch run in led directly to a Charlotte vs Billie Kay match, with Becky and Peyton at ringside and Carmella on commentary, which led to a three on two beatdown of the babyfaces, and then Asuka showed up.
On the post SD podcast, I said that would lead to a six-woman tag match the next week, also known as The Road Dogg Special.
I know this comes as a shock, but I WAS WRONG.
It’s not going to be a six-woman tag match, after all. Instead it’s going to be a FOUR-WOMAN TAG MATCH, or in other capitalized words, THE KIND OF TAG MATCH THAT A HYPOTHETICAL WOMEN’S TAG DIVISION WOULD FEATURE.
Now, normally, I wouldn't really think anything of it, but there was that damn article from before, and then there were these tweets.
See, cause it's not just Becky who wants in on this deal...
Okay, so at this point, if they DIDN'T give us a Women's Tag Division, it would just be cruel, right--which would be par for the course at this point, honestly, but let's be optimistic. We're getting a Women's Tag Division.
It only makes sense. The Aye-Aye-Connicks are on SmackDown, as are the remains of Absolution, but my choice for the inaugural champs are the dream team of Becky and Asuka--and I've even got the perfect hook for them.
I want them to basically run a Han Solo & Chewbacca gimmick.
For those of you who are Star Wars fans, remember how Han & Chewie could communicate and understand each other, even though Han spoke English and Chewbacca spoke Wookie? Yeah, they should totally do that.
I present to you a sample scene:
In A Triple Threat Match vs the Aye-Aye Connicks and Absolution, where the only way to lose their titles is to be the team pinned:
"Keep your distance, Asuka ... but don't LOOK like you're trying to keep your distance ..."
"(Something In Japanese)"
"I don't know, wrestle casual."
Here's another one:
Building a tricycle as a present for Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella's daughter Birdie:
"No, THAT one goes there, THAT one goes there, got it?"
Becky is the perfect person to pull off the Han part, and Asuka could be really funny in this pairing.
Now, would I prefer them to be wrestling a Best of Seven Series, winner gets a shot at the Women's Title at Money In The Bank? Of course I would. But you and I both know they're not going to do that, so this would be a fun alternative at least.
They could feud with the Aye-Aye-Connicks and Absolution, and provide backup to Charlotte in her program with Carmella, which looks like it's destined to last longer than any of us originally believed.
Then, when the pairing has run its course, and they lose the tag belts to Billie & Peyton, Asuka can turn on Becky, and we'll finally get the Nightmare Nazi Clown vs Pun-Loving Lass Kicker feud we've all been waiting for.
Oh, what's that? You don't know about Asuka's Nightmare Nazi Clown persona?
YOU DO NOW.
Imagine Becky Lynch going up against that psycho in a blood feud. No titles necessary.
Or you could do what they did for Becky through most of 2017. Keep her off TV, or hide her in meaningless six-woman tags, or have her be Charlotte's sidekick.
Again, we know which is more likely, because we've watched WWE at any time in the last twenty years, but hey, a guy can dream, can't he?