Big Cass is the realest guy in the room.
Just over one year ago, CaZXL (formerly Big Cass in WWE) was released by WWE for various behavioral issues. CaZXL would make multiple appearances on the Independent scene but had clearly let himself get out of shape following his WWE release. His world came crashing down on Dec. 8 when he suffered a seizure while making an appearance at House of Hardcore. After that CaZXL stepped away from the spotlight for a bit.
In a video released on Diamond Dallas Page's YouTube, CaZXL opened up about having depression and anxiety and how everything spiraled out of control.
"Being depressed is one thing. Having depression on a daily basis is something different. Anyone that looks at them like they're weak or a crybaby or whatever, that person is ignorant. 'Why is this person upset? He has money and everything he dreamed of.' That don't mean fuck-all when you're not well [mentally]. It's hard to tell people about it because who knows what they are going to say. 'You're looking for attention. You have everything you ever wanted. You're just seeking more attention.' So, you don't tell anyone. You keep it to yourself," he stated. "TV [tapings] were the worst for me because of anxiety. It ramped up after [my WWE debut]. I always had it, but I tried to hide it, which is the worst thing you can do. I had no medication, I had no one to talk to, I didn't seek him. I self-medicated with alcohol. I was so down that I was like, 'I wish that I wouldn't be alive today. I wish that I would not have woken up.' But I had to go to work."
CaZXL continued, "I don't know how I'm alive today. The amount I was drinking, and the food I was putting into my body was ridiculous. No physical activity. Chain smoking cigarettes. When you're making mistakes like that, you gotta go. [WWE] had every right in the world to get rid of me. Going into the [House of Hardcore] show, I literally had not slept in two days. Don't remember walking through the curtain or going to the autograph table. [I] came to in the ambulance. I remember they told me I had a seizure. I took that as a sign from God. God spoke to me that day and was saying, 'If you wanna live this life, you're gonna end up dead.' I could have died that night. That's what I was told in the ER."
CaZXL went on to say that a man he had never met approached him at an autograph signing and told him he was "deeply depressed." Following his seizure, CaZXL went to live with the man in Delaware to focus on his psychical and mental health. At the end of the video, CaZXL encouraged anyone struggling with depression, anxiety, or any other mental health issue or addiction to reach out and seek help.
The former Big Cass is doing better now, recently wrestling Jon Moxley at Northeast Wrestling, looking to be much happier and healthier.
You can view the entire mini-documentary in the video above.