Hello and welcome to another thrilling and chilling episode of ...
CONNECTING THE DOTS
Always ask questions, no matter how stupid.
The dots are there, we just have to connect them.
Previously on CONNECTING THE DOTS:
I Exposed Ric Flair's Dark Secret:
I wasn't actually planning to release another episode of Connecting The Dots so soon, but then something happened today on John Cena's Instagram that STOPPED THE WORLD IN ITS TRACKS.
That is a picture of New Japan's Kenny Omega. Or at least, he used to be New Japan's Kenny Omega. He lit the world on fire with Okada in their Wrestle Kingdom 11 match for the IWGP Heavyweight Title, got the unprecedented SIX STAR rating from Dave Meltzer, and then Tweeted that he was stepping away from Japan for a while.
Of course, this led to rumors that he was coming to WWE, maybe even in time for the Royal Rumble, but that was all speculation.
BECAUSE NOW JOHN CENA HAS POSTED A PICTURE OF KENNY OMEGA ON HIS INSTAGRAM.
If you don't get the significance of that post, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE SAND AND WIPE THE SLEEP FROM YOUR EYES, BABY JANE, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO WAKE UP.
This is what John Cena posted before the Royal Rumble last year.
Oh, excuse me, I didn't mean to BLOW YOUR MIND.
(wait, no, yes I did)
John Cena posts a photo of AJ Styles last year before the Rumble, AJ Styles debuts in the Royal Rumble.
John Cena posts a photo of Kenny Omega this year before the Rumble, Kenny Omega is going to debut in the Royal Rumble.
It's a done deal. You can write it in stone. Definitely going to happen. No doubt about it.
And before you start in with your "oh, but Alex, John Cena posts random pictures to his Instagram all the time. They don't really mean anything," you can take your naysaying and stuff it right up your nay-hole.
John Cena's Instagram, though it might seem to be just an oddball collection of unconnected images, is actually A TREASURE TROVE OF IRON-CLAD SOOTHSAYING.
Remember when he posted this picture?:
Obviously a reference to Rhyno returning and signing with Smackdown.
Yes, I know it was posted months after Rhyno's return, but a psychic like John Cena can not only see the future...
HE CAN ALSO SEE THE PAST.
Also, sometimes he even posts things knowing that the prophecies won't come true for years or more.
Just like if Nostradamus was on the 'gram.
Here are some other things John Cena posted, along with what I believe they are predicting:
"Im The Bro, so that's what you call me."
This is predicting a future gimmick for Matt Riddle years from now in the WWE, where he wears flip flops and a bathrobe to the ring, carrying a White Russian.
That White Russian is actually Lana, and he will feud with Rusev.
It might actually be glandular.
Chris Hero, as Kassius Ohno, will continue to put on weight until he tips the scales at 450 pounds and Vince McMahon gives him the gimmick of an effeminate movie critic.
He will still be able to do moonsaults.
In 2021, Jack Gallagher will get hit in the head and get amnesia, believing he is a evil German boxer named Von Kaiser.
The reason for the 8-bit animation is because he will feud with TJ Perkins, whose gimmick will still be dude who loves old video games.
I think this one just means John Cena saw "MacGruber" and liked it.
Jeri-KO, for real.
Unbeknownst to the WWE Universe, best friends Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho volunteered for an experimental, and controversial, new fertility treatment, where you can combine DNA from two subjects of the same gender in a test tube and grow an embryo to term in the lab. It was originally conceived as an idea to allow same sex couples to pro-create. Jeri-KO did it to create their idea of the perfect wrestler.
His name will be Chrevin Owicho and he will debut in 2039. He will retire in 2067 with 22 total world championships. He will have a lifetime 0-341 record against the son of Roman Reigns.
A thinly veiled shot at Brock Lesnar.
Calm down, it's not what you're thinking.
By 2020, the technology will exist to be able to shrink Paul Heyman down to the size of a red blood cell and he will enter Brock Lesnar through his ear canal and take control of his brain, so Brock can finally do his own promos.
Return gimmick and new entrance attire design for Zack Ryder.
Mojo Rawley will be repackaged as MC Mojo Hammer, and that terrible dance move he does will finally make sense.
In the year 2034, 80s nostalgia will be back in a big way.
At Wrestlemania 50, there will be a three way dance for the Tag Team Championships between the teams of:
Skeletor & Cobra Commander ...
Ice Man & Slider ...
and American Alpha, doing a Rocky and Apollo Creed gimmick.
American Alpha will lose to a Skeletor low blow and roll-up after some confusion between Gable and Jordan. That break-up angle we've been fantasy booking between these two, it finally starts seventeen years from now.
And finally, this is a picture of Braun Strowman at his Hall of Fame Induction.
He will wrestle until he is 78 years old.
He will go out old school, giving the rub to Roman Reigns's grandson.
If you're wondering about the Batman cowl, that's just the way people dress in the future.
JOIN ME NEXT TIME FOR
CONNECTING THE DOTS
When I will solve the mystery of
Who Has Been Pooping in Hulk Hogan's gym?