Welcome to another edition of
CONNECTING THE DOTS
the column that dares to ask the tough questions
and refuses to accept the easy answers
Today, former UFC Women's Bantamweight Champion and future WrestleMania main eventer (probably) Ronda Rousey was interviewed by former NFL Defensive Tackle and current meathead masquerading as a sports journalist Mike Golic on the ESPN radio show Golic & Wingo.
Golic asked her when she made the decision to leave MMA for good. Rousey replied that she had never said that.
That's when things got weird:
That description by Cork Gaines (if that is even his real name) is inaccurate.
Ronda Rousey did not misunderstand the question. It is impossible to misunderstand the question.
"So there is a possibility you could go back in time?"
Now, what Golic meant was: "Eventually, after a while, you could go back?"
But that's not what he SAID, and that's not what Ronda Rousey heard.
No, what she HEARD was Mike Golic ask her if she had the ability to travel through time.
And she replied by saying this: "I do not have the ability to go back in time, no."
METHINKS THE LADY DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH.
I think she's just been inadvertently caught by Golic's phrasing error, and she panics. She issues a quick and seemingly clumsy denial. Too quick and too clumsy by half, if you ask me. I think she's hiding something.
I THINK RONDA ROUSEY IS CAPABLE OF TIME TRAVEL.
And if you think about it, if you CONNECT THE DOTS™, it becomes obvious.
If you take the words in Golic's question completely literally, he's asking her if she's a time traveler. But no human being would take that question completely literally.
SO RONDA ROUSEY IS A ROBOT.
A ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE.
A robot that has been programmed to aggressively deny that it is a time traveler when it is asked.
It cannot--she cannot--help it. It's part of her programming.
And what kind of robot travels through time from the future.
A Terminator.
But wait, you're saying. A Terminator might appear human, due to the life-like skin that covers their metal endoskeleton, but Terminators have glowing red eyes, so she can't be a Terminator.
Well, to that I say THIS:
I REST MY CASE.
The only question left is whether she is a good Terminator or a bad Terminator.
And the answer to that will probably not be known until her introductory angle with Triple H and Stephanie plays out. If she turns on Kurt Angle, we must be prepared for the eventuality that Skynet has become self aware.
In that case, dear readers, it was nice knowing you and I, for one, welcome our future robot overlords.
