Last night on SmackDown, we got to see the single greatest backstage comedy sketch in the history of WWE programming.
This is an objective truth, and I will not accept any arguments to the contrary.
Go ahead and watch it at the top of the page. It's brilliant.
I mean, it's obviously a Law & Order spoof, but they went ALL THE WAY with it.
They even have the dramatic voiceover at the beginning:
"In the modeling and fashionista industry, outfit based offenses are considered especially repulsive. In the WWE Universe, dedicated garment gumshoes who investigate these faux pas' are members of an elite squad known as 'The Fashion Police.' These are their stories."
The whole bulletin board by itself belongs in a Hall of Fame somewhere, with post-its reading "Smelly" and "BARF" tacked up next to a picture of The Ascension, and a note scrawled across the picture of John Cena that says "Whereabouts Unknown," not to mention the famous Vince McMahon mug-shot in there at the top left. They also accuse The Shining Stars of "Real Estate Fraud" and Chad Gable of "Bad Hair." Plus, there's a picture of Classy Freddie Blassie lovingly framed on the table.
And don't even get me started on the comedic genius of that "Jey-Walking, Jimmy-Walking" line or we'll be here all week.
Breezango's been doing great work with this Fashion Police gimmick for months, but you'd never know it, because up until they became #1 Contenders for the Tag Team Titles (FINALLY), they were rarely on television.
So here's a little retrospective on how the Fashion Police gimmick began, way back in the Fall:
They told this origin story in little episodic backstage videos, like one of those old serials you'd watch before the picture show at the cinema back in the 30s.
It's some of the best long form story-telling that the WWE has done in a while.
It all began back on October 11. Breeze is walking through the halls of the arena, thinking he's talking to Fandango, when he realizes he's actually all alone:
So Tyler Breeze believes that Fandango has been kidnapped or something, ropes off a section of the hallway with Crime Scene Do Not Cross tape, which was just lying around the backstage area, mind you, and vows to get to the bottom of this.
When we next see Breeze, he's wearing a Police uniform, investigating the disappearance, having taped himself into a web of Caution.
The unbridled joy with which Breeze greets his non-kidnapped friend is just wonderful. But now Fandango, having walked into the scene munching on an apple for no reason whatsoever, gets an idea, sparked by Tyler's costume. We'll have to see where this goes.
And where it goes is to AWESOME TOWN.
THEY ARE THE FASHION POLICE.
They can't figure out how to do "Good Cop/Bad Cop" but that's fine because it doesn't matter, and also because it's HILARIOUS.
Breeze and Dango are fantastic together, with great chemistry between them, and they can really go in the ring.
And now, they're babyfaces. They beat the heel Vaudevillains to get on the Survivor Series team, and the Smackdown writers perfectly utilized an old heel announcer trope.
Watch this next video: JBL puts them (and their gimmick) over as they walk down to the ring. He laughs at the idea of Breezango passing out tickets to fashion offenders, until they give him one, then he flips immediately to heel on them.
Which makes them babyfaces.
They appeared that night on Talking Smack, where they handed out tickets to both Daniel Bryan and Renee Young, and they did it in full cop uniform:
Renee Young asked them how they felt about beating The V'Villains to earn a spot on Smackdown Live's Survivor Series team, and Breeze answered "Duh. Ever heard of it? ... Have you heard of Duh?"
I've heard of it, Tyler. I've definitely heard of it.
They even have Tumblr fan-fic art dedicated to them:
Back in March, Tyler Breeze proved that there is no level he won't sink to, no amount of debasement he won't accept, as long as it gets him over with the fans.
But let's focus on the Fashion Police thing.
Last week they appeared on Talking Smack for the first time since that original debut, and knocked it out of the park, as per usual.
"Grandfather clocks, time zones, sundials, I hate 'em all!" - @WWEFandango #TalkingSmack @MmmGorgeous pic.twitter.com/Fne2l0d2lf— WWE (@WWE) April 26, 2017
"Grandfather clocks, time zones, sundials, I hate 'em all!" - @WWEFandango #TalkingSmack @MmmGorgeous pic.twitter.com/Fne2l0d2lf
— WWE (@WWE) April 26, 2017
Now, the question remains, what is going to happen on May 21st in Chicago?
Will Breezango take The Windy Apple by storm, defeat the Usos Uggos and become your new SmackDown Tag Team Champions?
Probably not, but a boy can dream!
View the discussion thread.