It's a Saturday edition of
OFF-TRACK with A-TRAIN
where I saw something funny online
and since my daughter happens to be taking a nap just now
I've got a little free time
and I can pass on the funny to you
in this episode
HULK HOGAN SHOULD BE RE-NAMED
TMZ Sports caught up with Hulk Hogan and talked to him about his bandanas.
Because it was a slow news day, apparently.
Here's what the Hulkster had to say:
"I was counting this morning, and I counted one row of black bandanas that had twenty plain black ones in a row and there were ten rows [across] of black ones only...I've got some bandanas that I've found that I've had for like twenty years."
So in case you lost count, Hulk Hogan just said he has (at minumum) TWO HUNDRED BLACK BANDANAS.
And some bandanas he has kept for twenty years.
Why, you ask? Why would Hulk Hogan keep bandanas for decades without throwing them away or donating them to Goodwill or something? And why TWO HUNDRED black bandanas? I mean, if you've seen one black bandana, you've seen 'em all, am I right?
Well, no, according to Hulk Hogan, I am not right.
Because each and every one of those bandanas has sentimental value.
"Hey, Hulk," the TMZ guy asked. "Have you ever thrown a bandana away?"
"No! They're really cool, they got a 'memory thing' to them or something, ya know, somethin' really cool happened that night."
Yes, in Hogan's view, there are memories associated with every bandana because every night he wore one, "somethin' really cool happened."
That's just not true.
The black bandana you wore in 2003 when you made that run to Target to pick up a new set of dumbbells, nothing cool happened when you wore that bandana, Hulk.
Listen, I have some experience with this.
My mother-in-law is a hoarder.
Not one of those ones that you see on TV where there's like a stack of Newspapers from the Reagan administration in the upstairs bathroom and 17 packages of Honey Ham cold cuts just sitting out on the coffee table, but still. She's a hoarder.
She still has my wife's middle school textbooks, and something like three dozen stuffed Tigger dolls piled up in a corner of the living room.
That kind of thing.
She won't let us get rid of any of it, because she might use it some day.
Or because of the memories.
Her closet is a damn disaster area, full of clothes she hasn't even been able to fit into in years.
My wife has been offering to buy her mom a new wardrobe if she'll just clean out her closet of outfits she hasn't worn since Johnny Carson was still on the air. Mom won't bite.
But maybe we could get Hulk to accept a similar offer.
Hey, Hulk. Tell you what, you throw away 190 of those old black bandanas and we'll but you 15 brand new ones, giving you a grand total of 25 black bandanas, which I think is at least 24 more black bandanas than any one man should own.
What's that? No deal? Okay, Hulk. That's fine.
You guys, it's just as I feared.
Hulk Hogan is my mother-in-law.