Opening Segment
- The Miz is playing either Connie Chung or Eliot Stabler, and I'm not sure wish one.
- HE'S GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS DANIEL BRYAN SITUATION, BY GOD. THE PEOPLE DESERVE TO KNOW.
- I'm not sure why he gives a shit, and he doesn't exactly make a great case for giving a shit.
- Bray Wyatt appears on the TitanTron and Firefly Funhouse, and says the Miz can play with him now, and Miz isn't interested.
- Wyatt is bummed out, and the rabbit tells Miz to run away. Wyatt has a picture of Miz's family.
- Miz is backstage talking to Maryse on the phone, and says he's coming home now.
- Miz walks into a room and sees a photo of Wyatt with his family.
Alexa Bliss (w/ Nikki Cross) defeated Mandy Rose (w/ Sonya Deville)
5/10
- Jessika Carr is now a full time WWE ref.
- Mandy hits a bicycle knee outside the ring.
- Was.....was that cameraman standing in the ring during that eye lash spot?
- I like the spot where Alexa hulks up and grabs her opponent, but she could use something besides an STO.
- Skateboard stomps are back! Twisted Bliss wins it after Nikki takes out Sonya.
- This match was fine, but it was laid out really weird.
HOW BIG IS BATISTAS
- Drake Maverick is frustrated that Dana Brooke is going out with Batista. Elias sings a song about banging Drake Maverick's wife and gets slapped.
- Drake is out in the ring and wants to fight.
- Elias comes out and spanks Drake and kicks him in the ass. Dana throws him back in the ring to eat a Drift Away.
- They pretend Dana Brooke pins Drake Maverick.
Top Contender Match
The Revival defeated Ali & Shorty G, Heavy Machinery & Lucha House Party
5.75/10
- No Roode & Ziggler or B-Team. Shucks.
- Gable is incredible in the ring. Ali and Dorado do a damn floor routine.
- Tucker battering rams Dorado into the two other teams.
- Compactor eliminates Lucha House Party.
- Heavy Machinery are super over.
- The Revival hang in there and roll up Otis to eliminate Heavy Machinery.
- The babyfaces sent Revival over the table into New Day, who aren't happy.
- Gable German suplexes both opponents.
- A NAUGHTY Shatter Machine wins the match. This was good.
- The Revival says that they're going to do what brough them to the dance -- old school wrestling. They say New Day is a disgrace and they can go back to their podcast.
Backstage Crappenings
- We see another Sheamus vignette. He says Smackdown has been lazy.
Lacey Evans crushes Jobber
SQUASH
- WWE was like "let's find someone with a gimmick worse than Emi's to lose to Lacey"
- Some terrible strikes land from the jobber. She gets knocked out.
- Sasha Banks runs down her nicknames, which is the majority of her promos. "Etc. etc. because I'm the Boss."
- I'm not sure where Lacey Evans turned babyface, but it was somewhere around the time she said she was a Marine.
- Lacey Evans cut a pretty good promo.
- Bayley and Sasha attack her at the top of the ramp.
Roman Reigns defeated Dolph Ziggler
5.25/10
- There's not a damn person in the world that thinks Dolph Ziggler is going to win this. Why is this happening?
- Chinlocks at 9:43 EST hell yeah man.
- King Corbin comes out, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!? The gall.
- Superman punch, Ziggler kicks out.
- This is the main event. Two great performers in a match I don't care about. The crowd seems to though, so that's good. But Reigns isn't losing. He's not losing at the pape either. He shouldn't, but he should be in better feuds.
- Spear, win for Reigns.
- Reigns Drive By kicks a bunch of people and Corbin, then all the people that carried Corbin out get beaten up. One guy got kicked hard.
- Reigns throws Corbin over the table, but it's like 20 on 1.
- They all handcuff Reigns to the post and beat him.
- Damn, Corbin stealing all of Bossman's spots! Good one to borrow from.
- They put dog food all over him.
Rating guide
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones that may change upon a second viewing, or sitting on the match for a period of time. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!
