Opening Segment

  • The Miz is playing either Connie Chung or Eliot Stabler, and I'm not sure wish one.
  • HE'S GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS DANIEL BRYAN SITUATION, BY GOD. THE PEOPLE DESERVE TO KNOW.
  • I'm not sure why he gives a shit, and he doesn't exactly make a great case for giving a shit.
  • Bray Wyatt appears on the TitanTron and Firefly Funhouse, and says the Miz can play with him now, and Miz isn't interested.
  • Wyatt is bummed out, and the rabbit tells Miz to run away. Wyatt has a picture of Miz's family.
  • Miz is backstage talking to Maryse on the phone, and says he's coming home now.
  • Miz walks into a room and sees a photo of Wyatt with his family.

Alexa Bliss (w/ Nikki Cross) defeated Mandy Rose (w/ Sonya Deville)
5/10

  • Jessika Carr is now a full time WWE ref.
  • Mandy hits a bicycle knee outside the ring.
  • Was.....was that cameraman standing in the ring during that eye lash spot?
  • I like the spot where Alexa hulks up and grabs her opponent, but she could use something besides an STO.
  • Skateboard stomps are back! Twisted Bliss wins it after Nikki takes out Sonya.
  • This match was fine, but it was laid out really weird.

HOW BIG IS BATISTAS

  • Drake Maverick is frustrated that Dana Brooke is going out with Batista. Elias sings a song about banging Drake Maverick's wife and gets slapped.
  • Drake is out in the ring and wants to fight.
  • Elias comes out and spanks Drake and kicks him in the ass. Dana throws him back in the ring to eat a Drift Away.
  • They pretend Dana Brooke pins Drake Maverick.

Top Contender Match
The Revival defeated Ali & Shorty G, Heavy Machinery & Lucha House Party
5.75/10

  • No Roode & Ziggler or B-Team. Shucks.
  • Gable is incredible in the ring. Ali and Dorado do a damn floor routine.
  • Tucker battering rams Dorado into the two other teams.
  • Compactor eliminates Lucha House Party.
  • Heavy Machinery are super over.
  • The Revival hang in there and roll up Otis to eliminate Heavy Machinery.
  • The babyfaces sent Revival over the table into New Day, who aren't happy.
  • Gable German suplexes both opponents.
  • A NAUGHTY Shatter Machine wins the match. This was good.
  • The Revival says that they're going to do what brough them to the dance -- old school wrestling. They say New Day is a disgrace and they can go back to their podcast.

Backstage Crappenings

  • We see another Sheamus vignette. He says Smackdown has been lazy.

Lacey Evans crushes Jobber
SQUASH

  • WWE was like "let's find someone with a gimmick worse than Emi's to lose to Lacey"
  • Some terrible strikes land from the jobber. She gets knocked out.
  • Sasha Banks runs down her nicknames, which is the majority of her promos. "Etc. etc. because I'm the Boss."
  • I'm not sure where Lacey Evans turned babyface, but it was somewhere around the time she said she was a Marine.
  • Lacey Evans cut a pretty good promo.
  • Bayley and Sasha attack her at the top of the ramp.

Roman Reigns defeated Dolph Ziggler
5.25/10

  • There's not a damn person in the world that thinks Dolph Ziggler is going to win this. Why is this happening?
  • Chinlocks at 9:43 EST hell yeah man.
  • King Corbin comes out, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!? The gall.
  • Superman punch, Ziggler kicks out.
  • This is the main event. Two great performers in a match I don't care about. The crowd seems to though, so that's good. But Reigns isn't losing. He's not losing at the pape either. He shouldn't, but he should be in better feuds.
  • Spear, win for Reigns.
  • Reigns Drive By kicks a bunch of people and Corbin, then all the people that carried Corbin out get beaten up. One guy got kicked hard.
  • Reigns throws Corbin over the table, but it's like 20 on 1.
  • They all handcuff Reigns to the post and beat him.
  • Damn, Corbin stealing all of Bossman's spots! Good one to borrow from.
  • They put dog food all over him.

Rating guide

10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor

Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones that may change upon a second viewing, or sitting on the match for a period of time. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!

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