Welcome To The Weekly
Overcooked Raw Refresher
Catching you up on what happened last week
and what's in store for tonight.
Last week on Raw:
Gold-Dad Called A Family Meeting.
Goldberg announced he's going to compete in the Royal Rumble, and it's all thanks to Stephanie McMahon, because she's the greatest, and a much better commissioner than her brother Shane, and she's so smart and pretty too, and also she totally didn't tell Goldberg to say those awesome things about her because that's really the way he actually feels, because that's the way everyone feels about Stephanie, yup, that's the truth.
Look, I'm all for this Royal Rumble face-off between Goldberg and Brock, where they eliminate ten guys to get to each other, then eliminate each other via the old clothesline over the ropes bit, leading to the final grudge match at Wrestlemania, but last week is probably the last time we see Goldberg until after Christmas, and Lesnar too, for that matter.
That sucks. They need to strike while the iron is hot with this thing. If Brock isn't heard from, it's too easy to assume that he's really done, you know, instead of F-5'ing Grizzly Bears into the ground, or whatever he does to blow off steam out in the wilderness. We need some resolution on the Lesnar side of things, and the longer we wait, the more it's going to feel like we really did watch the the Beast get put down for good.
Which means there's no heat for a Mania rematch. Like, at all.
All I'm saying is that the WWE ran a poll on their own website about whether or not fans want to see another Goldberg/Lesnar match and this is the current result:
Not exactly overwhelming demand.
That's not good.
Also on Raw last week:
So Stephanie McMahon hates Sami Zayn, and somehow blames him for losing the IC Title Match at Survivor Series, even though Maryse blatantly cheated to help Miz win, and Stephanie McMahon has eyes, which presumably work, and saw exactly what happened and still blames Sami and yet somehow we're supposed to believe she has the objective judgment necessary to be the Commissioner of WWE's flagship show. Neat.
So she forces Mick Foley to punish Sami Zayn by making him face a pissed-off Braun Strowman, which is something that Sami Zayn volunteered to do like a month ago, but you know what, screw it, we're running with this thing now, it's fine, it's fine, don't question things, it's fine.
And all Braun Strowman does is steamroll poor Sami Zayn into a greasy spot on the canvas.
Pictured: Sami Zayn
Braun destroys Zayn so thoroughly that Mick Foley has to come out and stop the match, all forlorn and shit. Zayn barely knows where he is, and probably has internal bleeding, due to all of his insides being squished into jelly.
So, it's time to talk about Braun. Seriously.
Dude is 6 foot 8, and near 400 pounds. He's as strong as a team of oxen and as vicious as a pack of hungry wolves.
His Twitter is a sparse collection of weird Haiku-like poems:
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
I mean, who's going to argue with him?
His Twitter cover photo is a giant quote:
THE BIGGEST MISTAKE THEY MADE
WAS BELIEVING MONSTERS DID NOT EXIST.
*raises hand* I believe monsters exist, Braun. Don't eat me. Eat them.
All of his Tweets include the hashtag #MonsterAmongMen, because that is exactly what he is.
Braun Strowman does whatever he wants to whomever he wants and the toughest competition they can think to give him is Sami Zayn. Who's next? Neville? Who are the other mid-card babyfaces he can go through before he starts working with the big boys? Will they have him demolish Mark Henry and Big Show on his route to the top? And what is the top, exactly? Is Braun the guy they're going to build so that Roman Reigns can take him down? I mean, now that Brock is seemingly Nerfed forever, is it Braun's turn to be the beast that needs to be slain? Regardless of what his ceiling his, (and I think it's really damn high) in this era of 50/50 booking, it's a rare treat to watch a true #MonsterAmongMen at work, and I'm going to savor each and every moment of dominance along the way.
Of course, I could be wrong about everything, and they're just building him to feed to Goldberg at the Royal Rumble, because that's the kind of thing they might do, too.
And now a preview of Tonight's Raw:
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