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FOR LUCHA UNDERGROUND
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We begin with Rey Mysterio and Dragon Azteca (both Juniors) sparring in the ring. They allude to a greater war that they're preparing for. Chavo Guerrero shows up and Azteca rushes him. Not sure why. Chavo catches him in a single leg crab. Rey forces Chave to let him go. He says that Rey need to teach his pupil not to mess with La Familia Guerrero.
Dario comes out and spins his Dial of Doom. It lands on The Mack!
MATANZA CUETO vs THE MACK
WINNER: Matanza Cueto
Son of Havoc and Mascarita Sagrada are watching TV in Havoc's mom's basement.
A Famous B "Get Fame" commercial is on; they both hate him.
They vow to come up with a plan to take Famous B out.
Son of Havoc's mom (Wife of Havoc?) comes in and says it's dinner time, and the skit turns into an awesomely obvious product placement for Bagel Bites.
It's pretty sweet.
Dario is doing coke in his office when Johnny Mundo and Taya comes in.
Johnny Mundo wants a LU Title Shot, Dario says no, you have a Trios Title shot tonight.
Johnny leaves in a huff. Taya offers to take his place in the Trios Match tonight.
TEXANO vs THEY CALL HIM CAGE
Cueto comes out before the match and says this match is for "THE ULTIMATE OPPORTUNITY," which if you know Dario, probably means that the Winner has to fight a rabid polar bear.
Dario Cueto comes out and says Congratulations, Cage, but if you want the Ultimate Opportunity, you have to beat Texano two more times, because this match is just the first in a BEST OF FIVE SERIES.
What they said.
This Best of Five is so much more exciting than the Best of Seven on Raw.
Cueto in his office, opens a package, which contains a 423-Get-Fame hat
and an envelope full of magic pictures of rotting baby dolls.
I say "Magic" because Cueto throws them away and then they reappear on his desk 30 seconds later.
Azteca comes in and wants a match against Pentagon, Cueto considers and says "Cool."
Some gringo named "Ricky" comes in, and Cueto has no patience for him.
(I don't know who this guy is. Seriously. Did I miss something?)
As Ricky is leaving, Chavo comes in, and says "We need to talk."
TRIOS CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
FENIX, DRAGO, & AEROSTAR
TAYA, JACK EVANS & THE DAREWOLF PJ BLACK
WINNERS: Fenix, Drago & Aerostar
Cueto and Rey Mysterio having a chat in Cueto's office.
Cueto says that Azteca won't face Pentagon next week, he'll face Chavo.
And the winner of that match will face Pentagon.
And Rey Mysterio will be the Special Guest Referee for that Penatagon vs Chavo match.