- Braun Strowman is touting his win over Bill Goldberg.
- Shinsuke Nakamura comes out, and we're immediately reminded that Strowman already beat Nakamura a couple of months ago
- Nakamura says "knock knock," when the door of opportunity is open. But the door is already open.
- A challenge is laid down in a not so great promo. Cesaro comes to help, but gets pushed over the top rope.
WWE Women's Tag Team Titles
Bliss Cross Applesauce (c) defeated Kabuki Warriors to retain the titles
- It's weird when they switch cameras, because frame rate changes each time.
- A lot of stiff work between these four early going.
- The early highlight is Asuka angry because Bliss "stole the show" on commentary weeks ago, and them brawling on the announce table.
- There's a hilarious jumping elbow drop from Kairi. Reckless and funny.
- Michael Cole doubled down on that Powerbomb/forearm being an homage to the Legion of Doom, when it's for sure not. Electric Chair and Powerbomb are two different moves. He knows that, so I'm not sure why he keeps saying it.
- Twisted Bliss to the outside on Kabuki Warriors.
- A Bliss punch and Cross Purge get the win.
- Really fun women's tag title match that I wish they didn't immediately go back to.
- Dana Brooke and Carmella are backstage and challenge Bliss Cross Applesauce for the titles. Bliss and Cross are great here, but don't want the match before accepting.
- Elias sings a song about beating Corbin at WrestleMania, and how he wants to win Money in the Bank.
- We see clips of Jeff Hardy, which apparently we'll be seeing every week. They could do a lot worse than this.
Dolph Ziggler (w/ Sonya Deville) defeated Tucker
- There's a Mandy/Otis video package. Dolph Ziggler and Sonya Deville come out and tell commentary they want the best for Mandy.
- Tucker Knight comes out and shows them photos. A match is set, which is rematch number three booked for tonight. Okay.
- Tucker is dominant. He catches Ziggler and slams him onto the announce table.
- Back in the ring, a big powerslam lands for Tucker. The same with a big lariat and cross body.
- Ziggler wins with a superkick. That was kind of lame.
- This Miz and Morrison Dirt Sheet segment is painful. It's supposed to be though. They are delightfully cringey.
- The Usos come out and interrupt. The Miz says he's not cleared to compete, so he's not going to bother tonight.
- They're all in street clothes. The New Day are the next to interrupt.
- A match between everyone not in the Mania Ladder match will compete next week for the belts.
Forgotten Sons (w/ Jaxson Ryker) defeated Lucha House Party
- Wesley Blake signed with WWE in June 2013. I'm glad he and Cutler are getting this match.
- Lucha House Party some offense, so this isn't just a showcase for Forgotten Sons.
- Some great springboard stunners and dropkicks hit for LHP. Blake also impresses with his wrist-clutch offense.
- Forgotten Sons win with an assisted stomp. This call-up is worth it if it's a sink or swim situation. Ascension sank, Heavy Machinery swam.
Bayley, Sasha, Tamina
- Bayley brags about retaining her title, defying all odds, and keeping her friendship with Sasha Banks.
- Tamina interrupts and challenges Bayley for the title because Bayley didn't beat her at WrestleMania.
- Bayley says she'll give Tamina a match if she can beat Sasha Banks. Sasha isn't happy.
- Lord, if Sasha loses that match, lol.
Sheamus defeated Cal Bloom
- Cal Bloom is Beau Beverly's son.
- He gets his ass kicked.
- The Fella is such a dumbass nickname.
Braun Strowman defeated Shinsuke Nakamura (w/ Cesaro)
- Nakamura misses a wheel kick and gets sent over the top rope.
- We come back from commercial and Cesaro catches Braun with a European uppercut
- Strowman mows down Nakamura and pins him with a Powerslam.
- Firefly Funhouse targets Braun Strowman.
- They just spent six months fumbling The Fiend and the Universal Title. Right back into it. Let it breathe.
- Braun Strowman doesn't want to play games.
- Wyatt wants an apology, and Braun says he'll let him in.
- Braun smiles and says bye.
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones that may change upon a second viewing, or sitting on the match for a period of time. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!