Monday Night Messiah
- Seth Rollins comes out with his crew, saying that everyone in the crowd helped create what they see before them.
- Rollins throws to a video highlighting what happened last week. He embraces Buddy Murphy and talks about what the group represents.
- He says everyone needs to decide what kind of people they want to be, because the battle lines are drawn.
- Kevin Owens comes out and is joined by Samoa Joe. Kevin Owens says Rollins talks to much and they are ready and want to fight.
- Rollins tries to put it off and says that they need to wait. The Viking Raiders come out to help, and the odds are evened up.
WWE United States Championship
Ladder Match
Andrade (c) (w/ Zelina) defeated Rey Mysterio
6/10
- The mention of "no ladder match on Raw in 13 years" isn't exactly true.
- Andrade gets super frankensteinered onto a ladder across his neck. It looked rough and you could tell Lawler was concerned. The match certainly slows down after this.
- Why is Mysterio so slow to climb up the ladder?
- Andrade powerbombs Mysterio onto a bridged ladder in the ring.
- After a commercial break a spot goes awry. Andrade is on top of a ladder setting up a Gory Bomb, but it gets turned into a sunset flip bomb where Rey loses his grip.
- Man, the crowd is cookin' for Rey Mysterio. Andrade pulls him down and Rey huracanranas him, but lands on his own head.
- I'm not sure what to make of this match at all. It's a spectacle, that's for sure. I will never forget this match as long as I live and I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Rey and Andrade put it all on the line.
- Andrade does a Hammerlock DDT off a ladder through a ladder.
- This is a must watch, regardless of the reason. It was a goddamn mess, but it was violent and unbelievable.
- FUCK. Humberto is back.
- I hope if they're insisting on bringing back Humberto Carrillo they have something that makes anyone care about him besides losing 423 title matches/top contender matches and doing arm drags that don't make sense.
- He's really talented, but nobody was given a real reason to care
Aleister Black defeated Jobber
Squash
- Black Mass. Finish.
- That was perfect.
Lesnar and a penis kick
- Brock Lesnar is out with Paul Heyman.
- Heyman runs down what will happen with this weekend's Royal Rumble match.
- Heyman isn't happy that Brock Lesnar is getting booed and says there's nobody even deserves to be in the ring with Ricochet.
- Ricochet comes out and says Heyman talks a lot.
- This is drawn out an awful lot, but Ricochet challenges Brock to a fight right now.
- Lesnar laughs it off. Ricochet asks if he's scared.
- Ricochet gets kicked right square in his penis hole.
- Ricochet looked like a dipshit.
Drew McIntyre defeated Randy Orton via DQ
5.5/10
- Orton puts over Drew McIntyre in a pre-match interview.
- This is Orton and Drew's first one-on-one match against each other on Raw since 2011.
- Drew gets frustrated early, and Orton reacts fantastically when Drew hits him hard.
- McIntyre accidentally Claymores the timekeeper. This was a good spot.
- McIntyre is setting up for a Claymore, but gets powerslammed, and the crowd reacts well.
- An Orton Superplex ends the match because the OC runs in.
- Orton returns with a chair and helps Drew take out the OC.
- Orton RKOs Drew.
- Drew asks for a mic that works, even though it does. Drew sells like a million bucks and says it won't happen again. He says he'll kick Randy Orton's head off and win the Royal Rumble.
Becky Lynch defeated Kairi Sane (w/ Asuka)
5/10
- Becky Lynch cuts a promo saying that she should be facing Asuka instead of Kairi tonight, and Asuka needs to worry about her.
- Kabuki Warriors have a new theme!!!
- Becky responds to Kairi's taunt with a throat punch.
- After some back and forth, Kairi hits Becky with a flying forearm off the top rope.
- Kairi counters a suplex with a big DDT that pancakes Lynch.
- Asuka is sitting on the top rope through all this.
- Lynch submits Kairi, and then gets attacked by Becky Lynch.
- Asuka Lock applies, then a big kick hits.
WWE Raw Tag Team Championships
Buddy Murphy & Seth Rollins defeated The Viking Raiders (c)
6.25/10
- I like the approach of Rollins & Murphy teaming instead of AOP. It makes it seem like a recent Universal Champion cares about the tag team titles. Rollins and Murphy against Viking Raiders is so fresh and different.
- Murphy immediately gets kneed in the face.
- Owens & Joe brawl with AOP to the back.
- Erik is getting worked over, and is struggling to make the tag. A Murphy knee and Rollins frog splash hit.
- I dig the babyface and heel corners being switched. When everything is always done the same way, it gets repetitive even for things like camera angles.
- Ivar's hot tag ends in a double suicide dive and the Viking Experience, but Rollins breaks up the pin.
- Murphy and Rollins have great chemistry with a blind tag, Cheeky Nandos and a double powerbomb.
- Ivar's gymnastics are getting less impressive by the week.
- Rollins pushes Ivar off the top rope to the apron.
- Buddy Murphy wins after Rollins does a Curb Stomp Guillotine.
- New tag team champions! They're seen celebrating backstage, and Rollins says he's going to win the Royal Rumble.
- Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe both enter the Royal Rumble. They play off each other so well.
Backstage Crappenings
- This great segment is followed up by an absolute dogshit Weekend Update parody with Street Profits.
- Mojo Rawley thwarts the Bollywood Boyz's efforts to win the 24/7 title
Erick Rowan defeated Matt Hardy
SQUASH
- Matt Hardy is out to get crushed by Rowan
- Crushed, he is.
- "IF THIS WERE SUNDAY, MATT HARDY WOULD BE ELIMINATED."
- Jerry Lawler speculates that Rowan has a snake.
- Rowan gets his hand bit again and slams the crate.
- Iron Claw Slam.
The Lashley Family defeated Rusev & Liv Morgan
5/10
- Lana gets cheap heat.
- This is the first time we've seen Liv Morgan in action in months, and the first time we've seen any semblance of offense in even longer.
- Lana has some good looking offense and aggression.
- Lana slaps Rusev and Lashley gets the Yokosuka Cutter.
- Liv Morgan breaks up the pin and takes Lana out.
- Liv Morgan hits an enziguri on Lashley and sets up the Machka Kick.
- Lana grabs Rusev's leg and Lashley wins with a spear.
Rating Guide
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones that may change upon a second viewing, or sitting on the match for a period of time. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!
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