The Mizzan With The Plizzan
- Stephanie McMahon brings out Becky Lynch to a great reaction.
- We throw to a video of the Ronda Rousey confrontation, then to still images of Becky Lynch winning the Royal Rumble.
- Stephanie is worried about Becky Lynch's knee, and says that Becky is refusing medical attention. She can't let Becky compete without getting checked out.
- Becky says Stephanie doesn't know about struggling, and that she knows she's the glitch in the McMahon plan.
- Stephanie McMahon begs Becky to get checked out by the doctor because she wants the Rousey vs. Becky Lynch match to happen at WrestleMania.
- Stephanie and Becky go back and forth with Stephanie saying Becky is suspended until she'll get checked out by a doctor. Becky Lynch attacks Stephanie. This is a big, big thing. WWE doesn't do this
- This was an excellent segment.
- Becky Lynch sees Ronda Rousey
- I don't know who it is that writes out the terminology for Ronda Rousey, but it's not good. It's really weird. Lamenting about and whatnot. HUH? She says that what Becky Lynch is doing isn't promoting their pay-per-view match.
- ICE AND ADVIL, BITCH.
Ronda Rousey defeated Liv Morgan (w/ Riott Squad)
Ronda Rousey defeated Sarah Logan (w/ Riott Squad)
- Liv Morgan powders out a ton, then poses and taunts.
- Rousey catches Liv on a Matrix attempt and punches her in the ribs. Armbar and that's a wrap.
- Rousey cuts a GARBO promo and gets booed. "You want to skin me like one of your rabbits?"
- Sarah Logan gets a crack next. Rousey pulls an armbar after being charged into a corner.
- We get a commercial and come back to Rousey applying a triangle. Logan Buckle Bombs out of it.
- This is being called in the ring and Rousey pounds away at Logan, then taps her with an armbar.
- Ruby Riott gets on the apron, but then backs away. Dasha Fuentes approaches Ruby backstage and says she's going to beat Rousey for the Raw Women's Title, but her friends need her right now.
Top Contender Match
The Revival defeated The B-Team, Lucha House Party (w/ Gran Metalik) and Heavy Machinery
- Nobody remembers the B-Team, it's kind of sad.
- Lucha House Party gain control early on.
- Heavy Machinery come in and get their licks on The Revival. I can't see this act lasting long.
- Heavy Machinery toss B-Team over the top rope. Lucha House Party land on the apron and do Asai Moonsaults to B-Team.
- Dawson is thrown over the top rope onto the pile. I just don't get Heavy Machinery. Everyone has to work around them, and they're clearly the focal point of this match.
- Dorado dropkicks into a moonsault on the Revival then hits a double Stunner.
- Otis gets the Caterpiller elbow on Dallas, but the pin is broken up as Tucker almost kills Axel with a suplex.
- Mercifully The Revival put away Bo Dallas with a Shatter Machine.
- I'm glad Revival won, but this wasn't great.
- Backstage, Curt Hawkins doesn't understand why Zack Ryder wants to be his teammate. Ryder brings up WWE not even knowing how to spell his name right. Ryder says they're going to end the losing streak together.
- Kurt Angle comes out and runs down his accolades and says Father Time is catching up with him.
- Baron Corbin interrupts and gets a lot of heat. Wish people made this much noise during his matches.
- Drew McIntyre joins and runs down Angle. They approach the ring and surround Angle.
- Braun makes the save. He takes out Drew while Angle takes out Corbin.
- Who cares about Canadian Destroyers? Braun brought back his signature "throw a goddamn office chair" move.
Tag Title Qualifier
Boss N' Hug Connection defeated Alicia Fox & Nikki Cross
- Sasha and Bayley are backstage wearing their super cool jackets. They're approached by Nikki Cross and Alicia Fox, who have the most oddly natural partnership. Maybe Alica Fox should have been the one in Sanity.
- Alicia and Nikki attack Bayley and Sasha on the ramp. This is pretty good from what I can see between the terrible camera work.
- Sasha Banks isn't cleared, so it's just Bayley. She does really well and is really aggressive during this match.
- Alicia Fox gets her Scissors kick, but Bayley kicks out.
- Bayley gets worked over, including a Nikki Cross bulldog. Sasha hasn't worked a bit.
- Sasha Banks pulls Bayley out of the way and Nikki posts herself. Bayley then pins Alicia Fox.
Elias defeated Jeff Jarrett (w/ The Roadie)
- Road Dogg and Jeff Jarrett come out and sing ALONE WITH MY BABY TONIGHT.
- Elias DA HEEL interrupts. He calls them a pathetic nostaglia act. Jeff Jarrett yanks a line from Razor Ramon.
- They slug it out and Jarrett has some great punches. Elias is wearing blue jeans, which is important, and tells Road Dogg to suck it.
- Elias lands a suplex and Jarrett eats a turnbuckle.
- Rest holds at 9:40 in a Jarrett/Elias match isn't what we needed.
- Elias decks Road Dogg and falls victim to a rope hung senton.
- Elias hits Road Dogg again and wins with a Drift Away.
- Road Dogg and Jarrett attack Elias and hit him with a guitar. This wasn't good.
Finn Balor defeated Lio Rush (w/ Bobby Lashley)
- We get good ol' Grinn Balor, smiling his way through a backstage promo.
- Lio Rush and Lashley cut promos on Finn Balor about how much he sucks. Lashley says he's better than Brock Lesnar and he can beat Lesnar anywhere.
- I'm all about Lashley and Lesnar having a good, old fashioned non-title match sometime.
- Lio Rush is wrestling tonight, instead. Lashley attacks Balor before the bell.
- Balor gets the advantage before Lashley yanks him out of the ring. The ref ejects him instead of DQ'ing Rush. Okay.
- Rush does a great suicide dive. Back from the break we see Rush get a super Frankensteiner for two.
- Balor starts clubbing away. It's kind of cool to see him working as the big man.
- Lio Rush hilariously fakes out the cameraman on a springboard slingshot stunner. Rush's kicks look amazing.
- Balor dodges a Frog Splash and dropkicks Rush. Coup De Grace gets the win.
- If this were clean it would have been rated higher. Good stuff.
- Drake Maverick and Rezar interrupt Apollo Crews who implies that Rezar shoves his hand up Drake's ass.
- Dana Brooke approaches Natalya about what happened last week and apologizes. Natalya doesn't reply and Dana gets mad and says she's gonna have a match set for next week. Natalya had air pods in her ears.
- Paige is out and promotes her new movie. I miss her on TV.
- Another Mojo Rawley mirror promo. He's losing it. He's great at these.
Moment Of Mute
- Alexa Bliss brings out EC3 on Moment Of Bliss
- Alexa halfway flirts with EC3. She wants to know what brand he's going to end up on.
- Nia Jax interrupts and says no one cares.
- EC3 is still a mute.
- She teases replacing Becky Lynch at WrestleMania, then she's interrupted by Dean Ambrose.
- Ambrose says she has a crush on him, then slaps the microphone out of EC3's hand. He interviews EC3 without him actually being able to answer. EC3 just decks him instead.
EC3 defeated Dean Ambrose
- EC3 opens with a big ass elbow drop before he gets posted.
- EC3 selling very well before scoring some nice elbow attacks. I don't think he's named the front facelock STO, but it's nice.
- EC3 rolls up Ambrose for the win. Ambrose made no effort to kick out.
Baron Corbin & Drew McIntyre defeated Braun Strowman & Kurt Angle via DQ
- Corbin quickly gets suplexed by Angle, while Strowman mows down Drew McIntyre.
- Back from commercial, Angle gets worked over and Braun can't make it in to help him.
- Drew ends up hitting an Olympic Slam on Angle with a bit of a deadlift. An Ankle Lock too. GOOD STUFF PAL
- Braun gets tagged in to a huge reaction. He gets some offense in before being double teamed.
- Drew & Corbin land a double belly-to-back suplex on Braun.
- Braun turns the tides with a handicap suplex and tags out to Angle.
- Angle comes in and runs through his offense.
- Braun gets DQ'd for hitting Corbin because he's not the legal man. Eh? Now WWE cares about rules? I watched like every Royal Rumble rule broken 8 days ago.
- This is dumb shit. What a terrible finish.
- Claymore takes out Braun, Angle goes into the steel stairs.
- Strowman comes back in and chokeslams Corbin and McIntyre. I'm confused why they didn't just pin Corbin.
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5.The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!