In memory of Larry Csonka of 411 Mania
THE GREATEST WRESTLING MATCH EVER
- It is really weird that they followed up the odd comment they fed to Charly Caruso about "greatest wrestling match ever," and doubled down on it.
- Randy Orton says it's not that hard to compute. WWE means World WRESTLING Entertainment and wrestling is what they do.
- Orton doesn't need ladders and chairs, he just needs a ring and a referee. Athletes can't do what WWE wrestlers do, and WWE Superstars can't do what Orton does.
- Edge comes out and says this is just a backup plan for Orton. They've wrestled before and their skills are much different. He starts a monologue, but Orton cuts him off to ask if he's accepting the challenge.
- Edge accepts the challenge and Orton leaves.
Buddy Murphy (w/ Seth Rollins) defeated Humberto Carrillo
- Seth Rollins is in a suit with Buddy Murphy.
- Rollins says what happened to Mysterio was unfortunate, but a necessary cathartic sacrifice to help him.
- Humberto Fuckin' Carrillo comes out and says Rey Mysterio is his hero. Humberto has a good angry voice.
- Rollins says he isn't dressed to compete, but Murphy is. This would have made a lot more sense if Akam was there and was just the silent muscle for situations like this.
- Well this doesn't last very long, and Murphy fortunately wins with Murphy's Law after a Rollins distraction.
- Rollins instructs Murphy to attack Humberto after the match, but Aleister Black makes the save.
- Liv Morgan says her mother is her hero because she never quit. She didn't beat Charlotte, but she's determined to become Raw Women's Champion.
Charlotte Flair defeated Ruby Riott
- Charlotte Flair comes out and talks about Sasha Banks being Bayley's lackey, and knows Ruby Riott has something to say to her....ok.
- They have not had Ruby Riott win a TV match since her return. It's been since April 2019.
- We join the match in progress, and Ruby Riott has her arm worked over.
- Riott's senton, knees to the buckle, and submission attempt are all really good.
- Charlotte gets the win with a Figure Eight. This was good, albeit short.
Bobby Lashley defeated R-Truth
- MVP interrupts Lashley's interview and says he needs to focus on the WWE Title. He indicates Lana is getting in the way of Lashley's title aspirations.
- R-Truth says he's going to beat Lashley and go after his 401k Championship.
- This Pretty Ricky gimmick is dogshit.
- Lashley kicks his ass anyway, including a great fireman's carry into a post that effectively F5s Truth.
- Lashley goes Full Nelson into a slam, then taps out Truth to a full nelson.
- MVP is on the stage waiting for Lashley, and Lana is livid backstage.
- Street Profits are on VIKING Land, and won't pass up the smoke offer from the vikings.
- Ivar is good at axe throwing.
- Montez Ford throws the axe too far, and Angelo accidentally breaks a barrel.
- Viking Raiders have to keep the other vikings for hacking.
- The cops get called but they're let off because the cop thinks Ivar is cute.
- These are getting better.
- There are balloons everyhwere for the Asuka celebration, and Kairi has flowers.
- Kairi introduces Asuka. Asuka is excited.
- Kairi Sane goes through all of Asuka's accomplishments. She's great.
- Kairi Sane playing the flute is AMAZING. Or a recorder.
- Nia Jax comes out and calls Asuka a placeholder and Asuka beats her ass for it and sends her out of the ring.
- My god pal, Kairi Sane is going to get a recorder over, and NOBODY has ever liked a recorder. Nia Jax attacks her while playing backstage.
- Asuka checks on Kairi before tracking down Nia and head kicking her.
WWE Women's Tag Team Championships
Bliss Cross Applesauce (c) defeated The IIconics via DQ
- I just want to say, Tom Phillips is a big upgrade on commentary over Vic Joseph,
- Billie Kay hits a scoop brainbuster on Nikki.
- There was a sloppy hot tag to Alexa, and her knee spot hasn't been hitting quite the same way of late.
- Bliss blasts Billie Kay with a fist after Kay took out Nikki with a boot.
- Twisted Bliss hits, but the pin is broken up by Royce.
- Peyton abuses Alexa into the post and a DQ is called. What?
- WWE relying on lame DQ finishes an awful lot lately. Make it make sense. Tell us referees have been instructed to enforce rules more strictly. Otherwise like three DQ finishes in the last month just seem corny. This hasn't been a DQ for 25 years.
- WWE doesn't even like us to know the names of the refs these days. They should have personalities and tendencies. Not overwhelming ones, but ones where it throws some variables into things. Different umpires have different strike zones. Some wrestling refs could call things diff.
- Billie slaps Peyton backstage and they cry and embrace.
Shayna Baszler defeated Natalya
- Samoa Joe is in his wheelhouse in this match. I mean, he always is when on commentary, but this was exceptionally great
- Baszler applies an ankle lock, Natalya a Sharpshooter.
- Baszler ended up getting the tap with the Kirafuda Clutch.
- After the match, Natalya tears up the set they're preparing for the Kevin Owens show.
Apollo Crews & Kevin Owens defeated Angel Garza & Andrade (w/ Austin Theory & Zelina)
- Backstage, Zelina's faction are all arguing.
- Kevin Owens says that his win over Rollins at WrestleMania came at the price of being banged up. But he's good to go.
- Zelina says she knows KO wanted a Jerry Springer moment and cut a good promo.
- Owens says they aren't his only guests, and welcomes back Apollo Crews.
- Crews attacks Andrade and we go to a commercial.
- Andrade and Owens smack the shit out of each other during the match.
- Apollo gets a nutsos hot tag and has a TON of fire.
- Apollo pins Angel Garza with his powerbomb toss after a miscommunication between Garza and Theory.
- Zelina, Andrade and Angel Garza all turn on Austin Theory.
Aleister Black defeated Buddy Murphy (w/ Seth Rollins) via DQ
- Seth Rollins offers Austin Theory his hand and a spot in his stable.
- Black accidentally kicks the post, and takes over the match right after.
- Rollins sends Theory after Aleister Black.
- The three beat down Black.
- If this is setting up Black vs. Rollins, that's awesome. I'm not sure how Black can win it, but I think he should, because he's been heavily protected.
Drew McIntyre defeated Baron Corbin
- For some reason there are two Baron Corbin segments to set up the third hour main event.
- Drew McIntyre calls Baron Corbin his dream match. What.
- Lashley and MVP join the fray, and Lashley says he's coming for Drew.
- McIntyre takes control, but after several minutes Corbin runs him into the barricade and ring post.
- Drew kicks out of a clothesline at one. Drew kicking out at one is great, and I think someone getting a two count on him should be big eventually, even. The one count happens twice.
- Drew suplexes Corbin, axehandles him and kips up.
- Corbin is bringing back the side slam, and gets a one.
- Future Shock hits, but for some reason Drew counts down his Claymore. He eats a Deep Six for two, but immediately Claymores Corbin after and beats him.
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones that may change upon a second viewing, or sitting on the match for a period of time. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!