Sheamus defeated Shorty G
- The pre-show was WAY TOO LONG. 40 minutes before any real action
- I love how the ring and ringside area is lit up.
- Sheamus is in great shape. The crowd doesn't care.
- Gable and Sheamus go over the top rope.
- Did Sheamus bust Gable's cauliflower ear? It looks like it.
- There's not a lot worth note in this match for a while. Crowd is dead through most of it.
- Sheamus catches Shorty mid-moonsault, and gets DDTd. Gable then hits another moonsault.
- Brogue Kick finally hits for the win.
- This did not go a long way in making me want to see Sheamus more.
WWE United States Championship
Andrade (c) (w/ Zelina) defeated Humberto Carrillo
- Glad Humberto switched up his springboard armdrag so the person wasn't sitting on the ground, because the one he did before didn't make a bit of sense.
- I just can't be arsed to care about Humberto yet. I'm supposed to care because he got eliminated from a gauntlet match a month ago and I just don't. He has really pretty offense and nothing else.
- The ref hosed Humberto and Andrade on that springboard pin spot.
- Humerto counters a Hammerlock DDT with a small package.
- Carrillo does a great standing Super Frankensteiner.
- Andrade sunset flips out of a powerbomb counter on Carrillo to get a win.
Falls Count Anywhere
Roman Reigns defeated King Corbin
- Steve Austin censoring himself in an otherwise good hype video is so lame.
- This match is largely Baron Corbin early, as he lands a Deep Six and puts Reigns through a table.
- Reigns puts Corbin through two international announce tables with Samoan Drops.
- Robert Roode & Dolph Ziggler get involved, but are neutralized by The Usos.
- Please stop all the shaking and zooming, WWE. You're rendering a lot of the punishment the wrestlers take as pointless because NOBODY CAN SEE IT
- Jimmy Uso jumps off a scaffold onto all the wrestlers NOT in the match.
- Corbin gets put in a port-a-potty and tipped over.
- Corbin attacks Reigns with a chair as they brawl onto a dugout.
- Reigns hits a spear and wins. This was an incredible amount of fun.
Women's Royal Rumble match.
Charlotte Flair wins, last eliminating Shayna Baszler
- Alexa Bliss #1, Bianca Belair #2. Both get a great reaction and Bianca get some great offense.
- Mighty Molly is here!!! She hits a body press. Nikki Cross is #4.
- Bianca and Alexa are still landing most of the good offense, including a KOD and Code Red.
- Lana is next and cuts a promo. Mercedes Martinez is next and gets a lot of shine.
- Liv Morgan is next and immediately eliminates Lana. Lana also pulls Liv out.
- Mandy Rose is #8 and she goes at Nikki. Candice LeRae is #9 and gets GREAT offense.
- Bianca Belair eliminated Molly Holly.
- Alexa ALMOST eliminates Mandy, but Otis is on the floor and saves her. This is instantly an all-time classic spot.
- Sonya Deville is #10 and she and Mandy toss out Mercedes. I gotta see a Sonya Deville vs. Mercedes Martinez singles match now. Bianca effectively eliminates both when Otis can't catch them, and Sonya accidentally hit Mandy.
- Kairi Sane comes in and distracts with her umbrella before kicking people's asses. Mia Yim follows -- she's eventually eliminated by Alexa Bliss a few minutes later.
- Bianca eliminates Nikki Cross with Alexa Bliss, but Alexa holds on to Bianca's hair to stay in. Belair presses Candice LeRae out right after.
- Bless Bliss for not doing the Del Rio spot and instead eliminating Kairi Sane.
- Tamina is out next and faces off with Bianca. She's quickly eliminated.
- Dakota Kai is #15, and she and Dana are NOT on the same page. Chelsea Green is next and eliminates her, but Chelsea is immediately out by Bliss. While Bliss is recovering, Bianca throws out Dana Brooke.
- It's just Alexa and Bianca still, halfway through the field. They're on the apron and Belair pulls Bliss by her own hair into the post! Number 8 for Bianca!!!
- This women's Royal Rumble is laid out unlike any I've ever seen. So good.
- Charlotte Flair is out next, followed by a returning Naomi! Naomi gets a good pop, has a new hairstyle and double teams Bianca with Charlotte.
- Beth Phoenix is next up! It's great to see her. Toni Storm enters next.
- Bianca Belair lasted 33 minutes before being eliminated by Charlotte Flair.
- WWE about to pair up Humberto and Kelly Kelly just to fuck with me. Either way, her offense looks bad. Sarah Logan is out next as Beth Phoenix kicks Charlotte in her tit. Charlotte throws out both Kelly and Logan.
- Xia Li, Zelina, Shotzi Blackheart, Carmella, Tegan Nox. are all in.
- Naomi does the John Morrison save spot. She's walking around on tables. She eventually bridgesthe table and gets to the stairs.
- Beth Phoenix is busted open big time. She and Natalya toss Charlotte through the ropes.
- SANTINA MARELLA is in. Beth Phoenix is not happy about this. Santina throws himself over the top rope when faced with Divas of Doom.
- Shayna Baszler is in and attacks Charlotte, then tosses out Carmella, Shotzi, Tegan, Naomi and eliminates seven opponents.
- It's down to Divas of Doom and Shayna, and Beth throws out Natalya.
- Baszler eliminates Beth Phoenix. Charlotte head scissors Baszler and wins the match.
- Charlotte Flair says she reminded everyone that this is her division.
WWE Smackdown Women's Championship
Bayley (c) defeated Lacey Evans
- This one has a real slow pace, which I guess it understandable after the last match.
- Bayley gets really aggressive and throws Lacey into the barricade. There was a spot where Lacey's daughter wouldn't let go of her hand.
- Bayley wins by holding the tights. This was harmless, but not great.
WWE Universal Championship
The Fiend (c) defeated Daniel Bryan
- Michael Cole being kayfabe horrified of The Fiend to no end is amazing.
- The Fiend pops for a fan screaming YOWIE WOWIE.
- This is a violent match. Bryan jumps off the top rope onto Fiend.
- I am howling at The Fiend's high pitched scream as he gets kicked in the balls.
- Bryan is kicking and whipping Fiend hard.
- Fiend hits a midair Sister Abigail, but Bryan kicks out.
- Mandible Claw into triangle into a strapped LeBell Lock. Bryan hits the knee and gets a 2.
- The crowd is into this big. Mandible Claw pin gets it done for Fiend.
- Daniel Bryan sells this HARD all the way up the aisle.
WWE Raw Women's Championship
Becky Lynch (c) defeated Asuka (w/ Kairi Sane)
- There's not much to this until Becky Lynch hits a great throwing suplex to the floor.
- Becky follows with a great flying legdrop.
- Asuka does a nice suplex slam.
- The Manhandle Slam hits for Becky, but she gets caught in a Codebreaker and an armbar.
- Becky goes for the Disarmher but has to settle for a falling reverse DDT.
- Asuka goes for the mist, but gets kicked in the head. Becky Lynch submits Asuka.
- This was another good match.
Men's Royal Rumble
Drew McIntyre wins
- Brock Lesnar and Elias are out. Elias sings a song and gets chased by Lesnar. He's hit with a guitar and Brock throws him out.
- Erick Rowan is in and out quickly. Eight seconds.
- Bobby Roode is in and gets F5'd. Eliminated.
- John Morrison is eliminated with a belly-to-belly suplex.
- Kofi is in and got a GREAT pop. Guess it's just him being the flavor of the week, huh? Remember when people said that?
- Rey Mysterio is next. People who have history with Brock starting to pile up. Big E is out next and they're all after Brock. This is a great spot.
- Trouble in Paradise, Big Ending, 619! Brock fights back and throws out Rey, jumps off of one of their backs to eliminate Big E, and F5s Kofi out.
- Cesaro is quickly eliminated.
- Shelton Benjamin is out next and hugs Paul Heyman, Brock is happy to see him. They hug in the ring and Brock turns on him and throws him out.
- Shinsuke Nakamura cracks Brock Lesnar but is eliminated.
- Brock Lesnar is the first person to eliminate ten straight opponents.
- Wow! WWE didn't even have to steal signs to get an MVP into Minute Maid Park! Well, he's out.
- Keith Lee's next. Seeing Brock react to each wrestler is outstanding. Lee and Lesnar take each other down.
- Braun Strowman is next and mows down both. Lee bumps into Braun in the ring and for some reason they have a face off. Brock eliminates both of them and almost himself!
- Ricochet comes out and gets beaten up. He boots Brock in the balls and an entering DREW MCINTYRE ELIMINATES BROCK.
- The pop for this is HUGE. Drew doesn't take his eyes off of Brock Lesnar as he eliminates Ricochet and Miz.
- Brock Lesnar exits the ringside area.
- Ziggler, Karl Anderson are next.
- Edge has returned to in-ring action for WWE. We noted on Fightful Select in October that one of the BIG talking points backstage at Hell in a Cell was him being cleared.
- WWE production misses Edge's first Spear. Another Dove Cries. Edge showing up for the 2020 Rumble as a surprise in better shape than 2010! RIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPED.
- WWE better give us the "UNSEEN FOOTAGE" of Edge's first Royal Rumble spear.
- King Corbin is next. Edge throws out AJ Styles, everyone looked confused there.
- Wow it's amazing that Brock Lesnar was so scared of facing Matt Riddle in the Royal Rumble he begged Drew McIntyre to kick him out! Riddle is next, shitty camera cuts accompany. He's quickly eliminated by Corbin. Why even have Riddle in if that's the spot you're doing?
- Drew throws out Corbin.
- RKO for both of the OC, then Rated RKO eliminate them.
- Reigns is next, followed by Owens. Owens stuns Reigns and Orton.
- Aleister Black is next. He is not taking it easy on Edge, and neither is anyone else.
- Seth Rollins is the last participant. Otis, Tucker, Rusev, Lashley got cut. The latter two were explained as having a brawl outside.
- Rollins' group attack the entrants and he throws out Aleister Black.
- Owens throws Rollins out but AOP catch him, and Rollins dumps Owens over.
- Joe has the Coquina Clutch on and Murphy gets involved, allowing Rollins to dump him over.
- Black, Joe and Owens brawl with AOP and Murphy. They're separated from Rollins.
- Double RKO on Drew from Rated RKO, then Orton teases turning on him. Instead, Edge eliminates Orton.
- Reigns and Edge are face to face. If you want the crowd to to turn on Reigns, him eliminating Edge would do it. Edge spears him, but they battle on the apron. It happens.
- CLAYMORE. Drew McIntyre wins the Royal Rumble!!!
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones that may change upon a second viewing, or sitting on the match for a period of time. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!