HUH!??!
- So Samoa Joe gets announced as the title challenger. He hasn't won a televised WWE match since WrestleMania 35. Okay.
- Kofi Kingston goes over his Ziggler win and the Samoa Joe attack.
- Dolph Ziggler isn't happy and wants his shot...........again.
- Ziggler gets another match against Kofi tonight and if he wins, he's in the Extreme Rules match.
- Why wouldn't Ziggler and Joe just face each other for a title shot? This is so stupid and nonsensical. AND IT'S TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS.
- This is so goddamn pointless. Nothing matters. Why should anyone be invested in the results of matches in WWE? Rarely do they mean anything week-to-week
Shane
- Shane McMahon reading off a teleprompter was something.
- Miz wants to talk to Shane, but Elias warns against it. Miz calls him bootleg Bob Dylan. Womp. A Dark Side of the Moon ass reference. WOMP WOMP. WWE Universe mention.. WOMP WOMP WOMP.
- Oh....goody..... the fourth two out of three falls match in the last two weeks. Miz has to beat Elias if he wants Shane. Yeesh. Shane McMahon has beaten Miz three times. Miz pinned Elias in like two minutes two weeks ago.
New Day defeated The Planet's Tag Team Champions
5/10
- I'm not even sure if this is a title match. New Day are apparently top contenders, but it wasn't mentioned.
- Xavier gets worked over, with the highlight being a hanging knee drop from Bryan.
- We get a commercial during a match, but how about doing that picture in picture gimmick more instead of making everything elimination and 2-out-of-3 falls?
- Woods fights back and gets run over by Rowan.
- Big E makes the hot tag, and suplexes Bryan all over the place.
- Daniel Bryan applies a Yes lock but eats a Midnight Hour for the pin.
- Like, I think New Day should get wins, but maybe don't pin the goddamn champions all the time.
- Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn attack New Day -- and they should. Heavy Machinery make the save.
Heavy Machinery & New Day defeated KO & Sami Zayn & The Planet's Tag Team Champions
5.25/10
- Of course they turn this into an 8-man tag. Just so they could "reset" the match. So much quick fix horseshit instead of relying on common sense, quality, consistency, rules, and an amazing talent roster.
- Tucker gets superplexed and kneed in the face, then isolated in the corner.
- Daniel Bryan gets clotheslined and Otis comes in to run wild.
- CATERPILLER, Compactor. Heavy Machinery wins. So now literally every team in this match was 50/50'd.
- WWE found a way to 50/50 the entire Smackdown tag team roster in three nights.
2 Out Of 3 Falls
Elias (w/ Shane McMahon) defeated Miz
5.25/10
- I'm just so jaded by the lack of sense of this show already.
- Miz takes control, but in two minutes Shane McMahon distracts Miz. This leads to a jumping knee and Drift Away. Elias is up one fall.
- BREAK.
- It's bad enough that WWE runs back non-stop rematches, but now they're two out of three falls. Jesus.
- We see a several minute headlock from Elias until Miz gets out.
- The crowd, as small as it is, is really hot for this match, apparently wanting to see Shane McMahon vs. Miz IV.
- Miz does the Yes Kicks and a great knee.
- Miz gets Skull Crushing Finale, but Shane McMahon attacks, and Miz gets the fall via DQ.
- The beatdown continues as Shane realizes he can take advantage.
- Elias hits the flying elbow and wins the match.
- Coast to Coast after the match.
- This couldn't get any momentum for me. Shane needs to be beaten decisively by someone not named Roman Reigns.
Backstage Crappenings
- Finn Balor is backstage giving his thoughts on his next challenger. Nakamura appears, after not having wrestled on Smackdown for months. He hasn't won a singles match since Royal Rumble.
- Aleister Black is BEGGING FOR A FIGHT. Someone knocks on the door.....and we don't see who.
Top Contender Match For Alexa Bliss
Nikki Cross defeated Bayley
5/10
- Nikki tells Alexa backstage last night that if she beats Bayley, Alexa gets a rematch. Alexa low key encourages her to cheat, since Alexa will be on a flight to Asia.
- This doesn't make sense, but it makes more sense than Alexa just outright getting the rematch at Extreme Rules.
- Nikki Cross starts out aggressively, and lands a great body press.
- Bayley comes back and slows things down for them. That sliding dropkick has to go.
- Nikki makes Bayley eat mat on a suicide dive attempt, and does a neckbreaker AND BULLDOG back inside the ring.
- Nikki and Bayley go through pin exchanges SLOWLY and Nikki wins.
- Another champion loses, but I guess this was at least big for Nikki.
- The crowd went nuts for Nikki Cross and she played it so well. Nikki Cross tried to use Corey Graves' phone to call Alexa Bliss after she won.
24/7
- Drake Maverick says that R-Truth ruined his life at the wedding. Truth says he thought it was Carmella's wedding.
- Truth trolled Drake Maverick and says he'll let him win the title. PSYYYYCH. He loves the title more than Drake loves his wife.
- Drake gets mowed down by all the zombies giving chase.
- Truth is a dick.
Sonya Deville (w/ Mandy Rose) defeated Ember Moon
N/A
- Ember Moon screams a lot, but I don't really know anything else about her besides she plays video games. And screams.
- Sonya and Ember really lay in the strikes.
- Ember is a dumb babyface character and worries about Mandy Rose non-stop.
- STUPID BABYFACE SYNDROME. Distraction finish. Sonya wins.
- I wish Teddy Long were here in this era so we could get his two out of three falls announcements. This would be prime).
Top Contender Match For Dolph Ziggler
Two out of three falls
Kofi Kingston defeated Dolph Ziggler 2 falls to 1
6.5/10
- I would also not love it if the first time that Kofi Kingston has been pinned since before WrestleMania was in a 2 out of 3 falls match to Ziggler.
- Ziggler controls after a big dropkick, but Kofi flips out of a monkey flip and gets his own.
- Ziggler gets caught holding the ropes and rolled up and pinned. Kofi up one fall.
- RE-SET TIME.
- Ziggler ATTACKS (of course) and gets a Zig Zag on the floor.
- And there it is. The first time Kofi Kingston has been pinned outside of a gauntlet or Elimination Chamber match since his push started. Ziggler. Woof.
- There are no commercial breaks left.
- Heart Stopper elbow from Ziggler doesn't get it done. Neither does rolling through a big body press or hitting a DDT.
- Kofi turns a FameAsser into a powerbomb for two. The crowd is loving this.
- Ziggler posts Kofi and hits a Zig Zag, but Kofi kicks out.
- Kofi hits a great Trouble in Paradise to win.
- Probably the best Ziggler-Kofi match of this run
Rating guide
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!
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