The MAN
- Becky Lynch pulls up in a truck and is sort of, but not really interviewed by Kayla Braxton. Then I guess she asks Kayla to valet hear car. I like the new aspects of taking us out of the ringside area.
- I'm already over Heavy Machinery on the main roster. They're with New Day making pancake and tuna shakes. Becky Lynch takes a drink and says it's "weak."
- Becky Lynch hits the ring and says everyone is trying to be her since she's come in her own.
- Asuka comes down and screams a lot. The IIconics interrupt. I can't wait for the eventual IIconics title run.
- They say Becky Lynch is Bossy Becky, standard action for a MAN. They're "going to win the Rumble and the tag titles."
- Becky tells IIconics she wants to fight now.
Becky Lynch (w/ Asuka) defeated Peyton Royce (w/ Billie Kay)
4.5/10
- Becky is wrestling in a t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. She punches Peyton instead of shaking her hand.
- We see Lacey Evans looking on.
- Becky works the arm well, but gets yanked into the ropes.
- Becky comes back with a second rope shoulder block
- This is not a great match. A lot of Peyton working over Becky, mistimed spots and light strikes from Peyton, followed by punches from Becky.
- A Disarmher mercifully ends it.
- Asuka screams in an irate manner, then grabs Billie Kay and drags her in the ring.
Asuka (w/ Becky Lynch) defeated Billie Kay (w/ Peyton Royce)
SQUASH
- Ass to the face and a sliding knee from Asuka, then does her own Disarmher.
- Asuka Lock wins.
HOT DOGE.
- AJ Styles about to own the libs by eating hot dogs at the concession stand.
- By the way, he went up there at the end of the Becky/Asuka segment. It was weird.
- A hooded Daniel Bryan attacks and gets put through a table.
- THAT RELISH HAS A FAMILY, DAMMIT.
- Daniel Bryan in full Rake Yohn garb being covered in mustard is great
Uso Peen-itentiary
- Jimmy Uso gets a love letter and a hotel key from Mandy Rose. Sonya is backstage lecturing Mandy on giving Jimmy her hotel key. Mandy says she's making Naomi's life miserable by breaking up their marriage. The Mandy Rose promo had me in stitches. I don't think it was written to be so dismissively petty, but she did it perfectly.
- Uso goes to the hotel room and Mandy Rose is waiting there, and she takes off her robe.
- A cameraman pops out and takes pictures. I mean, there's video.....
- Unless Naomi says "hey dumbass, there are cameras. I saw what happened," this is stupid. Even then, it's stupid that Mandy doesn't acknowledge it.
- Naomi is there and attacks Mandy, but she gets beaten up.
- The best I can say is that I'm glad they're taking aspects of the show out of the venue
Backstage Crappenings
- EC3 is seen posing in a mirror backstage while Joe walks by.
- Nikki Cross says she'll play with Rey when she sees him backstage.
Samoa NO
- Samoa Joe attacks Mustafa Ali before the bell in their planned match.
- Mustafa is posted in spectacular fashion and laid out. This match didn't happen.
- Mustafa made Joe look like a million bucks.
- I thought this was a nice way to take a match that didn't mean anything and add something to it down the line.
Andrade (w/ Zelina Vega) defeated Rey Mysterio
9.25/10
- They shortened Almas' goddamn name. So weird. He cuts a promo with Zelina backstage on beating Rey Mysterio.
- This match starts off pretty slow, but there's some good solid work here. They've made this match seem bigger than it actually is.
- Mysterio misses a 619 and Almas misses his Hammerlock DDT. A series of nearfalls result, but Andrade's shoulders weren't down.
- Almas counters a reverse huracanrana over the top rop rope with a sitdown powerbomb to the floor! Filthy.
- Back from commercial, Rey gets a great swinging DDT but gets hiptossed into the turnbuckle.
- There's a psychotic Rey Mysterio huracanrana off the top rope to an apron'ed Almas that goes ringside. This was insane. This is one of the best matches of the brand split era.
- Rey also gets a sunset flip powerbomb. They're emptying the cupboard here.
- Another commercial sees a big dropkick from Almas, a huge back elbow and the double moonsault.
- Almas has the Canadian Destroyer scouted and ends up Alabamaslamming Rey. Rey gets it later, though. WOW. Rey follows up with a crucifix bomb
- Zelina causes a distraction and Almas wins with a rope hung Hammerlock DDT.
- Some ref snafus in this match, but otherwise was nothing short of amazing. They played off of last week's huge spot and more.
Miz (w/ Shane McMahon) defeated Sheamus (w/ Cesaro)
5/10
- Miz got Shane McMahon Jordan 33s. There are a couple of Shane McMahon cakes too.
- Miz also has a Shane highlight reel. Shane admits that he'll be proud to team with Miz at the Rumble.
- The Bar show up and troll McMahon and Miz, and Shane volunteers Miz to wrestle, even in a suit.
- Sheamus dominates Miz early on with a good bicyle knee.
- In suit pants, Miz is throwing the Bryan dropkicks.
- I love that even though Miz is a face and Bryan is a heel, Miz still uses Bryan's offense
- Shane causes Cesaro to go off the apron through a table. Graves is on a roll this week: "That track suit was NICE!"
- Miz wins with a roll up pin.
- Shane does a Coast to Coast with a birthday cake to the face of Sheamus. That was great.
Rating guide
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5.The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!
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