Welcome to the SmackDown React-Down
Published Tuesday Morning as kind of a refresher course for last week's happenings
and a preview of tonight's event.
We're trying this out for a while.
Let me know if you like it in the comments.
Let his who is without chin cast the first stone.
I hated every second of this.
I am a bad person. I know this. I know I'm supposed to love James Ellsworth the underdog, and I might, if he wasn't being used like he is.
James Ellsworth seems to be a good dude, but he doesn't belong in the same ARENA as AJ Styles, much less a Championship Match with him.
He was never going to win the title, and if you thought for even a second that there was a chance of that, you're a bigger mark than I.
Even when he was able to hit AJ with the No Chin Music:
If you thought for a second that James was going to win with that kick,
you got WORKED, son.
It was NEVER. GOING TO. HAPPEN. Ellsworth as champion is a ridiculous notion. Even The 'E isn't that stupid.
So why even have the match at all?
To give Dean Ambrose another chance to be wacky lunatic Dean!
I hate wacky lunatic Dean Ambrose.
I DESPISE HIM.
He's the worst character in WWE.
And here, he costs AJ a match against human rag doll James Ellsworth. AGAIN.
Because if there's anything that advances a storyline, it's telling the same chapter twice in a row.
Dean eggs on AJ, getting into his head enough that he beats up James Ellsworth so much that he is declared the loser.
This is stupid.
AJ goes on Talking Smack, calls Daniel Bryan 'The New Authority" (which, I mean, SICK BURN, DUDE) and demands a match with Dean Ambrose tonight.
Bryan says that if Dean wins that match, he gets a shot at the title next.
The only part I don't hate about this is AJ's sick burn, because it's not only sick, it's also accurate.
There's no reason for him to allow Dean to interfere in AJ's business.
He's decided who he's backing, and he's going to do whatever he has to to ensure his guy is going to win.
Explain how that's different from the stuff that Steph and Hunter used to pull.
I hate this.
Miz and the Spirit Squad should team up forever.
The Miz is the most vital, important act on Smackdown right now (it should be AJ, but you done messed that up), and he makes every Tuesday must watch Television.
As a matter of fact, The Miz is who James Ellsworth should be working right now.
They even have beef!
As a matter of fact, I'll be disappointed if this isn't addressed at some point.
Back to this match, the Spirit Squad can stick around for a while, as far as I'm concerned. Why not? You've booked them as stronger than The Vaudevillains, The Ascension, and (somehow) Breezango.
Kenny picks up the win here, pinning Heath Slater and immediately pulling the singlet down to reveal his abs, because Kenny damn well knows what his money maker is.
They should nickname this guy "Hashbrowns," because he is SHREDDED.
And both he and Mikey are a DELIGHT. Stupid, excitable, vicious when they have to be. They're Miz's perfect henchmen.
I swear, some of these Fallout videos should be required viewing. SO GOOD.
Keep the Spirit Squad as Miz's own personal lackeys. It works.
The Incredible Disappearing, Reappearing Kane!
This is what I wrote after Bray made Kane disappear on the October 11th episode:
Kane is going to show up on Smackdown tonight like nothing ever happened, none the worse for wear, and no one's ever going to give an explanation for what happened, or why.
I was right.
This is stupid, and I want it to stop.
Please. I'm begging you.
Baron Corbin ANNIHILATES Jack Swagger in like 2 minutes, then goes on Talking Smack later and proves why he deserves a massive push.
If you haven't watched his promo yet, you simply MUST.
My god. He's so damn ready.
Push this man. SHOVE this man.
To the moon. To the MOON, I say.
Bella vs Mella in a Battle of Wits. Scintillating.
Carmella thinks she's figured out the secret that Nikki's been hiding for years. Her boyfriend is John Cena!
Actually though, we already knew that.
And Nikki knows we already knew that, so she shuts it down immediately, thereby ending the argument.
I mean, I guess Carmella's "You only got to where you are because John Cena made it happen" has some teeth to it, but does anybody really care? And would anybody be surprised if that were the case?
Look, WWE, if you're going to blatantly plug Total Bellas on Smackdown, at least be more subtle about it. That's all I'm saying.
Bliss-tasteful. Bliss-respectful. Blissing me off.
All they've done since Becky Lynch's mysterious hospitalization is make Alexa Bliss look like she's entirely unworthy of her #1 Contendership.
I know she picked up the win here, but she had to cheat to get it, raking the eyes.
She's better than Naomi, and she shouldn't have to take shortcuts to beat her.
Why did you even give her the #1 Contender spot, if you're going to spend the next month making us think she's a fraud?
How does that help your young talent?
Eva Marie needs to shave.
Seriously, why did they give Eva's amazing gimmick (announced on the way to the ring, never actually has a match) to terrible waste of oxygen Curt Hawkins?
And why is Apollo Crews wrapped up in this?
You're trying to bury him forever, aren't you?
Send this poor guy back down to NXT and give him the Championship run down there that he should have had, let him develop a character, and then bring him back up in a year.
Better than this crap.
Until Next Time, I've been Alex Pawlowski,
and I think covering Raw for so long
may have made me hate wrestling just a tiny bit.
I've turned into a curmudgeon.
This is me watching Smackdown last week.
I'll do better next time, I swear.
You can follow me on Twitter @pawlowskithe4th
- From The Web