Welcome to our live coverage of TALKNSHOP-AMANIA, the showcase of the immortals or something. You can see full, live coverage of the show below, and check out our full interview with Karl Anderson, Doc Gallows and Rocky Romero above.
DISCLAIMER: Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson have encouraged fans to not watch this event while sober.
* Welp, here goes nothing. Rocky Romero, Luke Gallows, and Karl Anderson open by selling everyone on a pay-per-view that we've already purchased.
* Gallows opens by explaining that this show was his idea. All of them remind fans that this show should not be watched while sober. Rocky Romero's alarm goes off in the middle of the open promo. Distraction pop. They say they wanted to do something fun and they thank fans for supporting them.
* Karl is perving on his Hot Asian Wife.
* Anderson and Rocky, riding in a car seat, arrive at Gallows' house. "The last Mania I was at, I got fired after. Can't get fired here," says Gallows. "Boy, this is gonna fuckin' suck," says Anderson.
* TEDDY LONG IS HERE TO GET MUTCHA FUCKIN PAID!
* Anderson, Gallows, and Romero get no reaction for their entrance. David Penzer does the entrance for them. Anderson never wanted to wrestle again after being fired from The Fed. Rocky doesn't get to talk because he "sucks on the mic."
* Video package for Sex Ferguson and Chadd 2 Badd. "You let Ball Layman damn near ruin our careers," says Sex. It's a Boneryard Match in the main event.
* Rocky is the only person wearing a mask on commentary
Social Distancing Battle Royal
* Freight Train is one of the competitors and he's just tossing a bunch of dudes until he gets hit in the cock. One competitor has a bunch of pool noodles to keep social distance. Lazer dives over the top and onto a bunch of competitors. STANG IS HERE! "That looked a lot like Heath Miller."
* Mike Bennett makes a run-in. "Where are his children?" "Where is Maria?" Mike eliminates himself. There is a beating with pool noodles.
* Brian Pillman Jr is running wild until Freight Train runs him and another competitor over.
* Alex Koslov is a late entrance into the battle royal. He starts smoking a cigarette and hits a JUMPING ROUND KICK WITHOUT LOSING THE CIG! Now here's Koslov's bearded mother. SHE GOES AFTER FREIGHT TRAIN! FREIGHT TRAIN IS OUT! PILLMAN IS OUT! KOZLOV IS OUT! KOSLOV'S BEARDED MOTHER WINS!
* Nope, Chico El Luchador comes in, hits the stunner, and eliminates Koslov's mom. Chavo is pissed. No one has heard from Rocky.
Winner - Chico El Luchador (New TalkNShopAMania Champion)
* Gallows interferes Koslov. He's mad at his mom, who comes back out to beat him with her purse.
* Sex Ferguson is buying drugs from Mike Bennett until Mike's wife calls him.
* "And I thought Sturgis sucked," says Penzer. Teddy Long also notes that this shit sucks.
Contract On A Tree Match: Frankie Coverdale vs. 'The Nature Boy' Paul Lee
* Lee's Corvette says "WOOOO" on the top of the window.
* Maria is here, but only Paul Lee can see her. "Is he like Shallow Hal?" "Yes, that's the joke." Paul Lee takes a very long time to get into the ring. "He's a shoot millionaire."
* These two men are exchanging holds until Coverdale is whipped to the outside. He can't stop and begins running towards the lake. "He's building momentum." Eventually, he starts running out of steam, but I guess he got counted out?
Winner - The Pond?
* Nevermind, the match is back after a Chico El Luchador promo. Lee has a headlock on the outside. Gallows asks if he gives up. "Asha." Gallows is over this and the match is over again.
Winner - Still The Pond?
Hardcore Match: George North vs. Stump Kowalski
* Kowalski changes weapons mid-edit. The match slows down, speeds up, more headlocks on the outside as they make their way to the pool and we go to a word from Talk N' Shop sponsors.
* They're now fighting in the pool area. Rock N Roll Express are there. Lee still has a headlock as well. We speed up and end up in the kids room. Brian Myers is playing with figures. One of the kids kicks North and we cut away again.
* Scott D'Amore wants nothing to do with Sex Ferguson. The Hardcore match is now over.
Winner - Action Figures?
* Teddy Long comes to the ring and wants his money.
Tag Team Match, Playa: 80's Russians vs. Jungle Kittens
* Neither team adhering to the tag team rules, so I assume this is a tornado tag match. The Russians are dominating early and then they win with a clothesline.
Winner - 80's Russians
* Teddy Long says fuck the 80's, time for the 90's to takeover.
* LODI AND SICK BOY ARE HERE! The Yeti is also here, but it's the wrong gimmick. 80's Russians are very confused. Ron Reis changes gimmicks and is now Reese. The Flock destroys the 80's Russians and Jungle Kittens.
* BUT HERE COMES D-LO BROWN! He hits the Low Down on an 80's Russian. HEAD SHAKE!
* Rhino has arrived. He hits a Gore. Brian Pillman Jr. is back. He runs wild. Now, Rim Job is here with his guts hanging over his penis. CHAVO AND PEPE! (Or PAY-PAY!) Chavo hits a frog splash on Rim Job. "No need to get hurt on this bullshit."
* GLASS SHATTER AND COLD STONE WILLIE MACK IS HERE! He dishes out Stunners to Jungle Kittens and 80's Russians. Chavo hits Three Amigos on one of the Jungle Kittens. Anderson hands beers to Mack and Chavo. He can't throw them. Mack and Chavo double down beers until Mack hits him with the Stunner.
* Anderson, not Chadd 2 Badd, is negotiating with D'Amore. "I'm the one who can bump and feed, fuck the big guy." Anderson whispers something to D'Amore and it sounds like they have a deal.
Rory Fox vs. Someone
- "Rory looks like a young Terry Bollea," says Gallows before all of them praise his penis size. Rory recalls facing Matt Cardona 11 years ago and getting his trunks ripped off, which killed his career.
* Brian Myers is here. Cardona is not contractually allowed to be at the event. Myers has a special surprise and an opportunity for Fox "Opportunity, I'm 44," says Fox. SWOGGLE RYDER! "Ohhhhh Swoggle Ryder, tell me everything you know."
Rory Fox vs. Swoggle Ryder
* Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. An ass bite by Swoggle Ryder. Swoggle grabs the trunks, but Fox reverses by kicking him. Myers comes in to help Swoggle. Myers launches Swoggle, complete with a cinematic camera cut, onto Fox. Swoggle pins Fox.
Winner - Swoggle Ryder
* Swoggle pulls Fox's trunks off. Fox is wearing a thong. "He exposed his 17-inch penis." Fox runs into the woods.
* We're back to the hardcore match. Stump knocks Kowalski down the slide and into the pool. Gallows is announced as the loser "because he booked this shit." Lee now has a head lock in the shallow end of the pool.
Loser - Doc Gallows
* Chavo is trying to kill Chico with a weight bar. Chico is accused of being on the gas. He then locks him in the sauna. Chico escapes as they continue to brawl in the gym with Chavo providing commentary. They found common ground over respecting grandfathers before continuing to fight. Chavo rolls up Chico for the win.
Winner - Chavo Guerrero Jr. (New TalkNShopAMania Champion)
* Chavo takes the TalkNShop (or the 24/7 Title) and is the new champion. Chavo runs into Chadd 2 Badd, who hits him win the title and then pins him.
Winner - Chadd 2 Badd (New TalkNShopAMania Champion)
* NZO is here. "I forgot what I was gonna fucking say." NZO is now shooting on how much money Gallows is losing on this show and spoiling the Boneryard match. "I expected to come here and lose money and that's what the fuck happened." NZO out.
* Lee now has a headlock near the woods. REVERSAL! Vernon Love shows up. Myers punches him. Pelvis Wesley comes out and takes out Myers. Double cock punch by Vernon. "Who really gives a fuck" is announced as the winner of the Contract In A Tree match.
Winner - Who Really Gives A Fuck
* It's time for the Boneryard match.
Boneryard Match - Chadd 2 Badd vs. Sex Ferguson
* Druids take a casket out of the 2 Badd hearse. They drop the casket and Chadd is not happy. He walks into the Boneryard and is not scared.
* Sex Ferguson gets a live performance and arrives on his golf cart. He crashes into the mountain of dirt and the FIGHT IS ON!
* Chadd tries to burn Sex. AIR PARIS IS THERE! He takes a good bump for Sex. Sex takes over and makes Chadd kiss his ass. Chad hits him in the dick. Air Paris takes off, failing to sell his shirt. Sex is in trouble until Sex pills up thanks to Mike Bennett.
* Chadd is about to be bured alive. A hand is sticking out of the grave. "Uncle Allen, why didn't you save us in New York. I know you tried." Rory Fox comes running in. Sex blinds Chadd with the seltzer. They put over Undertaker for being tough after hitting each other.
* Sex is thrown into the dirt mountain and uses Uncle Allen's hand to jack himself off as Chadd dances with Maria. Sex attacks from behind with Allen's arm. Maria is offended as she is now a mother.
* Myers and Heath are watching.
* Sex is ready to give Chadd a hand job until Rock N Roll Express show up. "What the fuck are you two jobless sonofa bitches doing?"
* Druids arrive. Chadd & Sex team up to take them out. Chadd turns on Sex. NZO wants an autograph from Rock N Roll Express. He eats a superkick and the gimmick table breaks.
* Johnny Swinger is here. Sex accuses him of stealing his gimmick. Swinger is doing his squats and wants his money.
* Sex takes bump into Heath's penis and then gets kicked in the asshole. Chadd is going full karate. Sex fight back with his own karate. Chadd takes a bump into Myers and goes for a cover shortly after but only gets two, I think.
* Chico and Chavo run through the match.
* An Ewok pops out of the grave.
* Chadd has an ear, headbutt, and karate feitsh. Chadd climbs to the top of the hearse. Sex slowly following him up to the top. Sex goes for a tombstone but Chadd farts in his face.
* We go back to September 2019 where Gallows & Anderson are about to meet with the Young Bucks and sign with AEW. "They're sex addicts, drug addicts, they curse too much, but they're charming." AEW contracts are sent to Gallows & Anderson. "You say the Bullet Club changed the business," says Anderson. "No, it was just us," says Nick. Anderson & Gallows say the Pauls made them a lot of promises. "Hypothetically speaking, let's say there is a pandemic, you think they'll have your back?" questions Matt. Big AEDUB chant and they seal things with a Too Sweet. Gallows & Anderson get a text from The Pauls and decide they have to go to New York. Gallows & Anderson eat superkicks. "No one turns on us, we're the Young Bucks," says Nick. "What do you bet they end up in TNA anyway," says Matt.
* Gallows & Anderson have TNA nightmares.
* Back to "reality." DOUBLE SIT UP AND LAUGH SPOT! Chadd tosses Sex off the hearse and laughs. "Not again, nooooo!" Sex might be dead. Chadd is going to bury Sex. A lot of apologizing. A double "I Love You." Chadd knocks Sex into the grave with a tombstone.
* FREIGHT TRAIN LAUGH!
* Chadd begins burying Sex. "I realize I should have stayed in Japan, I fucked up."
Winner - Chadd 2 Badd
* "Fuck you, Sex Ferguson!"
* A man in a Jason mask knock-off comes out of the grave.
* To be continued....maybe....
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