Sean Ross Sapp's WWE No Mercy 2017 Match Ratings, Analysis, Notes

Pre- Show

  • I don't like the talking heads being forced to shoehorn in "Wrestlemania caliber."
  • Miz interrupts Kurt Angle and goes off about him not being there for his son's first hookup. Why would Kurt Angle be there for Jordan's first hookup!?? Come to think of it, Kurt Angle trying to walk Jason Jordan through his first hookup would be a hilarious segment.
  • Neville's backstage promo rules. Enzo was the guy he needed. Such a contrast.
  • Asuka debuts at TLC. Cool
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Elias defeated Apollo Crews (w/ Titus O'Neil)

  • There's really nothing to say about this match.
  • I was rather excited for this, and it underdelivered in almost every way possible.
  • Samson attacks after the match and Titus saves Apollo

Intercontinental Championship
Miz (c) (w/ Miztourage) defeated Jason Jordan

  • This crowd loves the Miz.
  • If you bought two action figures that had nothing to do with one another and traded the accessories you'd get present day Bo Dallas.
  • Miz getting a babyface reaction out of Daniel Bryan's kicks is impressive.
  • The crowd is chanting "You Suck" at Jason Jordan.
  • Jordan's expressions when he has someone in the Crossface is hilarious.
  • "Who's your daddy," "you suck," "this is awesome" chants.
  • The crowd goes nuts when Miz cheats to win. Jordan had suplexed Bo into the Miz and Axel earlier.
  • Solid opener
  • I like their work together. Really Jordan's work with everyone over the past month.
  • Is Jordan's gimmick that he's corny?

Finn Balor defeated Bray Wyatt

  • Balor has a gray jacket and new gear. Cool. Everyone wears black. I love the new scheme.
  • Cmon. Balor doesn't lose with new gear.
  • Bray attacks, the medical team tries to carry Balor off, you know the drill.
  • In the ring it starts off with a Sister Abigail reversal, but Wyatt gets a superplex.
  • WWE production doesn't do Finn Balor's offense any favors.
  • This is the best match the two have ever had together.
  • I don't understand why Balor jumped off the top rope because of the crab walk, but whatever.
  • Sweet Coup de Grace to the back, but Wyatt kicks out. They're tearing it up. 
  • Wyatt throwing Balor across the ring with a suplex is a great use of the size difference.
  • Outstanding match, but I often find that Balor's front dropkick is anticlimactic. 
  • So who does Bray try to convince us isn't really COOOOOOOOOOOOOL MAN next?

Raw Tag Team Championships
Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose (c) defeated The Bar

  • Rollins is taken out early, so this will either cause or prevent the PAINT-BY-NUMBERS WWE tag match.
  • A big reaction on the swing into the stairs. Maybe Ambrose should have given that more than a one count.
  • Cesaro is busted open and f'd up on a catapult into the buckles. 
  • Well, that's how you get a catapult into the turnbuckles over I guess. 
  • Graves has been talking about Cesaro for minutes and Cole is like "OH DANG YALL PEEP THAT OUT
  • This match goes off the rails following this, but the crowd is loving it so who cares?
  • A push kick into the rebound lariat is the best setup I've ever seen for the move.
  • A Super Powerbomb on Ambrose/Rollins doesn't get it done and the crowd comes unglued.
  • Rollins and Ambrose get the win. The match stuttered after the tooth-losing, but it was really good. 

Raw Women's Championship
Alexa Bliss (c) defeated Bayley, Nia Jax, Emma and Sasha Banks

  • Emma will have an album full of her themes by the end of the year.
  • Lots of new gear here. I'm digging the intro and pose. Pretty neat.
  • Really hoping for an Emma win, then she loses to Asuka at TLC with the note that Asuka had a title shot negotiated into her deal.
  • Nia is at her best when she's on the move. After she attacks someone, she paces and moves a lot, so four opponents is prime for her. 
  • Props to Corey Graves for mentioning that the guillotine choke is Nia's Achilles heel.
  • Sasha and Emma throw some doody looking punches at each other. 
  • All four women team together to powerbomb Nia on the floor. It was GROSS.
  • Double stack Emma sandwich! These women are emptying the cupboards.
  • The crowd is stoked for every nearfall. It's spot after spot, and that's what it should be.
  • Alexa wins. That was incredible

Roman Reigns defeated John Cena

  • I get the feeling both of these guys are gonna get potatoed.
  • Cena leaves the ring, but gets punched by Reigns. Hard. Cena has been doing whatever he wants lately and this is another case. 
  • Cena is selling like a doofus, but he's bumping his ass off for Reigns' punches.
  • This is a really, really slow match. No real excitement for me until Cena counters the Superman Punch with the STF.
  • Why is Reigns so tired? He's been beating Cena's ass the entire match.
  • Reigns kicks out of the AA -- big reaction. 
  • Minutes go by, Super AA, kickout -- big reaction.
  • This is doing what it needs to with the crowd.
  • An announce table spear almost kills Roman.
  • Cena does a couple of AA's, and rolls through on the second. Roman kicks out, but the roll through was awesome. 
  • Reigns beats Cena with a spear. A good match. Not a classic by any stretch to me, but a good match. 

WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Enzo Amore defeated Neville (c) to become WWE Cruiserweight Champion

  • Enzo looks like the goddamn Hamburglar.
  • I like that Vic is calling this match. 
  • Enzo is getting better each week working with cruiserweights. He has a really cool stomp out of the corner, too. 
  • Amore is doing a bunch of athletic spots and then gets his ass kicked for it. 
  • For some reason Neville doesn't do a Red do a Phoenix punishment?
  • Enzo hits one of the damndest DDT's from the top rope I've ever seen.
  • Enzo is outside about to be counted out and grabs the title and for some reason the ref stops counting because that makes a lot of sense. He kicks Neville in the wiener and wins.
  • Why wasn't he counted out? 

WWE Universal Championship
Brock Lesnar (c) defeated Braun Strowman

  • Yes, people have stuffed Lesnar takedowns before. It would mean more had they not went off about how Bayley stuffed Nia Jax's earlier in the night.
  • German suplex, Braun no sells and Chokeslams and powerslams Lesnar for two. Solid early. 
  • Tonight is the night to make Braun the champ.
  • Lesnar being able to do a standing guard with a double wristlock makes Strowman even more horrifying. No  initial rope break which was weird.
  • Kurt Angle is about to run out there like REMEMBER THE PUDER PIN,  BRAUN, PUDEEEEEEEEEEEEEER
  • A few powerslams and a lazy pin, nothing doing. This isn't great and they're both exhausted. It looks like Brock forgot a spot. 
  • F5. Pin. Womp womp womp. 
  • Not a good match
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