Welcome to yet another edition of
OFF-TRACK with A-TRAIN
where I try to solve the problems of the world
using the lessons taught to us
by two mid-card heels
after last night's dark match
About two years ago, Rusev and Dolph Ziggler were involved in a feud that lasted--*checks notes*--a thousand years.
No wait, that can't be right.
It probably only lasted like four months, but it certainly felt like twelve.
It started with Rusev being mean to Lana for no reason, and it continued when Lana kissed Dolph, because she likes the taste of vanilla vodka and shame.
Lana (kayfabe) left Rusev for Dolph and started dressing like Spring Break Daytona Beach '89 come to life:
Summer Rae got involved.
Rusev and Ziggler wrestled each other like 84 times.
And of course, who could forget the time Rusev pulled a gun on Ziggler backstage.
*puts finger to ear, pretending to be told something by a producer in a make-believe earpiece*
Wait, I'm being told that's just a clip from a movie called "Countdown" that came out last year.
Do we have a clip?
Well, that was great guys. Very life-like.
I don't remember who won the feud. No one does.
It just kind of ended, because stupid Rusev had to go and propose to his stupid real life girlfriend Lana and she had to go and show off the stupid ring on stupid Instagram, ruining all illusions that the couple were still broken up, as they continued to be on the show. The story goes that Vince flipped his lid, said "screw it" and they just ended the story without any real resolution.
Dolph somehow wound up wrestling for the WWE Championship at Summerslam last year, Rusev beat Enzo half to death in a hotel room, Lana got not one, not two, but THREE SmackDown Women's Title shots despite never having any other main roster singles matches. Summer Rae has been M.I.A.
Now, Rusev is #1 (even though he can't seem to avoid that damn RKO outta nowhere to save his life), Dolph apparently got his repackaging and is now a bad comedian who does impressions of other wrestlers, and Lana is Professor Higgins to Tamina's Eliza Doolittle.
Summer Rae is still M.I.A.
Weird how life works.
Anyway, the point is that Dolph and Rusev HATED each other for several months, but last night, in the dark match after 205 Live, they teamed together to face their rivals, Randy Orton and Bobby Roode.
They lost, because "sending-the-fans-home-happy," but what's important is what happened after the match.
Such was the beating they suffered at the hands of the babyfaces that neither man could stand under his own power for longer than a few seconds at a time, so they had to take turns carrying each other up the ramp.
If these two former mortal enemies can forgive and forget, maybe there's hope for all of us in this increasingly divisive world.