MANIA MATCH MADE.
- Kurt Angle calls out Triple H, but gets Stephanie McMahon instead. She guilts him about alimony and paying for his kids. He doesn't miss a beat when she says he has four kids, saying he has FIVE.
- Man, Graves and Coach trying really hard to pop each other with the journalism lines, yeah?
- Ronda Rousey comes out and says she's dealt with "bully bosses" her whole life. Shots at Dana White?
- Rousey wants clarification that she can pick her WrestleMania opponent. Stephanie McMahon confirms that she can, but they can't be a champion. Rousey is great here, but doesn't wait for the drumroll, and says that she wants Stephanie.
- Triple H shows up and Kurt Angle says Stephanie and Triple H both have superstar contracts. Kurt makes the match, it's Rousey & Angle vs. The Helmsleys.
- Angle and Triple H come to blows, and Angle ends up applying an ankle lock. Stephanie attacks from behind, but gets Samoan dropped.
- So uh....what's the payoff?
Asuka defeated Nia Jax
- Nia Jax and Asuka aren't on the same page early on. Some really rough spots, and Asuka has to go back to an Octopus hold that looked like they missed on.
- Jax hits an inverted Eye of the Storm that was a lot better in theory than execution. Nia rebounds with a nice Samoan drop and gorilla press slam.
- Asuka applies a triangle and Nia slams herself into it, which is very realistic.
- Asuka wins with an armbar, and wow. They really saved that match after a rough start. It ended up being very good.
- Later on backstage, Nia Jax is icing her arm and has looked down on herself. Alexa Bliss tries to console her and says she's never seen Nia quit like that. Alexa makes Nia cry by talking about how much bigger she is. They took Nia to a real, emotional, relatable place that you could sympathize with.
The Bar defeated The Revival
- I love Graves' line of "The Revival aren't on the same page, they're on the same syllable."
- The Revival are just so smooth together, and The Bar is selling for the much small guys like they know they can do special things with them.
- There's a fantastic superplex splash from The Revival. It's a shame the match has no heat because WWE has put no effort in getting The Revival over.
- Sheamus counters the Shatter Machine and gets Teardrop suplexed
- The Bar win in about nine minutes
John Cena defeated Goldust
- John Cena comes out and cuts a promo about his path to WrestleMania. Neato gang. It's not very good.
- Goldust comes out. The Oscars reminded Vince that Goldust was on the roster. Goldust cuts a long, bad promo and punches Cena.
- Back in the ring, Goldust kicks John Cena in the penis area. The crowd doesn't give a shit about anything after the first segment. Attitude Adjustment and a pin.
- Hillbilly Jim is headed for the Hall of Fame, and they run a video on him.
- Who inducts Hillbilly Jim if not for Hogan? The Godwinns?
Bayley defeated Mandy Rose (w/ Absolution)
- Paige cuts a good promo about how dumb Bayley is for pushing away her only friend, and says there's strength in numbers.
- Mandy's offense looks really good early on. Mandy Rose has looked outstanding in this match, and Bayley is a big part of why.
- Deville tries to distract Bayley, but Bayley counters a Mandy roll up to get the win.
- Absolution jump Bayley after the match, but Sasha makes the save. Banks raises Bayley's hand after the match and offers a hug but Bayley leaves her hanging.
Braun Strowman defeated Elias
- How do they not do an Elias concert at Axxess? He plays multiple interest, and more good songs about Milwaukee sucking. He wanted out of the match, but Angle makes it no DQ.
- Elias tries to run away when the lights are low, and goes to drive off, but unfortunately Strowman has lifted the back two wheels off the ground. Should have rented a 4WD, playboy.
- Elias gets a little offense and cracks a guitar over Braun's back, but uhhhh....it doesn't do a whole lot for him. It does bust Braun Strowman open though.
- Strowman drags Elias up the ramp and then slings all the monitors off of the announcer's table that he never ends up using. After tossing Elias into a bunch of guitars, he breaks a giant one over Elias' back. Apparently, that's not enough for him, because he slams a piano down on Elias for the win.
- I don't see how they could make this a WrestleMania match at this point after the ass kicking that was delivered tonight, so I'm really intrigued to see where they take things with Braun Strowman now.
Bray Wyatt squashes Rhyno (w/ Heath Slater)
- See the title. That's what happened. It wasn't close. At all.
- Bray Wyatt calls out Matt Hardy, who shows up on the Titantron. He says that if Wyatt wants to face him again, he'll have to come to the Hardy Compound. This got a great pop. This is what had to happen, and it's unfortunate that the build up was lame and talking Vince McMahon into it took so long. I have no doubts that with the right people creatively guiding this, it can be something fun, and different.
Seth Rollins & Finn Balor defeated The Miztourage
- The Miz is out and he's handing out Mizzy awards. Seth Rollins & Finn Balor win one, but they can't accept it because they weren't invited. Kurt Angle wins one too, but he gets trolled as well.
- Miz gives himself a lifetime achievement Mizzy. Eventually Rollins interrupts.....and he's interrupted by ol' Blue Balor as well. Miz eviscerates Balor in particular on the mic, saying it takes more than a hand signal that isn't even his.
- A handicap match is made. Some solid, predictable work, with Miz working over Rollins, and Balor getting a hot tag before getting cut off.
- I'm a sucker for the Superplex Falcon Arrow spot, and even more of a sucker for taking out two opponents with one dive.
- Rollins tags in while Balor is going for Coup de Grace. They still haven't named "THE STOMP"
- Kurt Angle announces a triple threat for WrestleMania.
- Paul Heyman makes a case for how much Brock Lesnar means, saying that Undertaker's schedule didn't take away from Lesnar breaking the streak, and drops a "BULLSHIT" bomb.
- Heyman cuts a promo about the qualifications of a champion and says the title is Brock Lesnar's bitch. Lesnar will be here next week. This was Heyman's best promo in a long ass time.
- Roman Reigns is out and says Lesnar sending Heyman proves he's a bitch. He says Lesnar needs to come dressed for a fight.