Elias & Jinder Mahal (w/ Sunil Singh) defeated Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns
- Elias kicks off the show and gets a great reaction, but is predictably interrupted by Seth Rollins. They're interrupted by Jinder Mahal and Roman Reigns, and a match is set up. I really hope that this is planting seeds for something Reigns vs. Rollins related down the line and not WWE still trying to get Reigns a positive reaction by affiliation.
- It works for tonight, and Reigns gets a good reaction from the crowd, especially on his corner clotheslines. The boos are still in there.
- Man, I forgot how bad Otunga was on commentary.
- This very much seems like "we have their money, save it for the pape" work through the commercial. The crowd loves it and goes bananas, so I can't really blame them.
- Obligatory Falcon Arrow mention. They're playing up that Rollins' neck is still hurt from the guitar attack.
- Drive By, Superkick, but Singh gets invovled. Rollins does a suicide dive and "hurts his neck." Rollins catches Singh trying to use a chair and takes it away. Elias DDTs him on it and pins Rollins after Drift Away!
- Some outstanding storytelling in this, what could have been a total nothing opening tag match.
- Later on there's a HORRIBLE back and forth between Jinder Mahal and Roman Reigns.
- "I know where you are..." went wrong way.
- Roman Reigns kicks the shit out of Jinder Mahal.
"James Harden" defeated Curt Hawkins via DQ
- There are a bunch of tacos and shit at ringside, as Curt Hawkins has a jobber to face him.
- The jobber is "James Harden." They didn't realize what town they were in, because it was changed from "Steph Curry."
- Harden gets his ass kicked, but Baron Corbin comes out and hits End of Days on Harden.
- That's 200 losses for Hawkins!! Corbin then throws Hawkins into the tacos.
- Backstage, Corbin says he went to WWE HQ and Stephanie McMahon has named Corbin a constable. HAAAAA.
Nia Jax defeated Natalya
- Ronda Rousey is on commentary. It's really, really bad.
- This match is the shits early on. After the commercial, Natalya drops Nia with a discus clothesline.
- Nattie is hurt and Nia drops her with a Samoan drop and scores the pin.
- Nia Jax is pretending to be concerned about Natayla, but she's a miserable actress.
- Rousey faces off with Nia a couple of times. None of this was good. Rousey seemed like a dickweed.
- Natalya is trying to put weight on her knee backstage, and Rousey doesn't like that Nia is checking on Natalya. Nattie plays mediator.
Braun Strowman defeated Bobby Roode
- What did Bobby Roode actually say there? Like, anything? GLOOOOOOOORIOUS. That's it.
- Roode kicks Braun and gets freefall'd on a Glorious DDT attempt.
- BRAUN STROWMAN DOUBLE UNDERHOOK SUPLEX JUST LIKE BILLY ROBINSON USED TO DO IT.
- Braun Strowman hits the ring post™.
- Bobby Roode sets up a ladder and thinks Braun can't get around it. He breaks it in half. Bobby Roode's facial expression on that was INCREDIBLE.
- Strowman chases and powerslams Roode. Pin.
- That was the most entertained I've been by Bobby Roode on the main roster. That was fun.
Top Contenders Battle Royal
- This has been such a nothing tag team run for Hardy and Wyatt. They cut a pretty long promo that the crowd eventually gets into.
- Ziggler gets superkicked out by Breeze and McIntyre beats the shit out of everyone and hit their finish on Bo Dallas.
- We go to commercial. Fandango eliminates Konnor, then The Revival chuck out Fandango.
- Rhyno eliminates Dash Wilder. Why wouldn't you have it set where you eliminate both members instead of having the other just awkwardly leave?
- B-Team, Slater & Rhyno. Ugh. Heath Slater at least fires up pretty well, but accidentally knocks Rhyno off the apron.
The night that wrestling died XXVIIIIIIIIIII
- Bobby Lashley wants to face off with Sami Zayn right now, but Zayn is in the crowd instead
- Zayn says that he couldn't cook the organic tofu steaks he wanted because of his injury.
- Sami Zayn makes fun of Bobby Lashley's inspirational quotes and his fan club, but says that he has an anonymous accounts.
- HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TOPICAL BURNER ACCOUNT JOKES!
- Sami Zayn says Lashley makes everything up, including his army service. HE'S GONE TOO FAR!!
Bayley (replacing Alexa Bliss), Sasha Banks & Ember Moon defeated The Riott Squad
- When I see new main roster additions like Ember Moon and Ruby Riott, I wonder what the need to bring green wrestlers up is.
- Alexa Bliss says she pulled her hamstring.
- WWE really overdoes it with the fake hair colors.
- Sarah Logan just isn't there yet. There isn't a lot of urgency. She killed Ember with a knee and was in no hurry to pin.
- Ember Moon has a nice double chickenwing reversal.
- The Sasha Banks hot tag clotheslines on Liv Morgan were pathetic. The knees and kicks were good though, so was Liv's comeback.
- Riott Squad essentially do the Unicorn Stampede.
- Things break down outside the ring, and Banks hits a double Meteora inside the ring, which was a cool spot.
- Bayley comes out and for some reason is legal and gets a hot tag, Bayley to Belly and a pin.
- Get the goddamn Constable Corbin out here, THIS ISN'T LEGAL.
- The legend Baron Corbin is backstage and actually tells Angle he needs to straighten this shit out.
- Terrible dialogue between the three winners backstage, when Angle approaches them and says that Riott Squad actually won the match via DQ. Ember and Sasha aren't happy and walk off.
- Constable Corbin is scolding John Cone.
Finn Balor defeated Kevin Owens via DQ
- Kevin Owens bitches about Finn Balor to Charly Caruso backstage about the meaning of Too Sweet. He's oddly fixated on it early in the match, too.
- He's doing the headlock match tonight.
- Tope con hilo from Balor.
- Armbar applied. Okay. There's a double foot stomp and Balor beats up Owens on the feet.
- This show had a good crowd, and they weren't given what they deserved.
- Did anyone really think Balor was gonna win with Eye of the Hurricane?
- Owens superkick, but Balor counters a pop-up with a Slingblade and his dropkick
- Owens gets DQ'd for stomping a bunch. Welp.
- KO attacks Balor and frog splashes him.
- He grabs a ladder and climbs it to emulate getting the briefcase. Why? I dunno.
- He can't jump off the ladder and tries to get down. Balor catches him and beats him up. Coup de Grace off the ladder.
- This Raw was garbage.