Welcome to another edition of
OFF-TRACK with A-TRAIN
where I do a little
real estate speculating
in this episode
YOU CAN BUY THE HOUSE OF HORRORS
FOR THE PRICE OF A
GMC SIERRA PICKUP
Yes, you read that right.
The actual, real life house used for The House of Horrors is listed for sale on Zillow and other similar websites for the low, low price of $36,000.
THIS IS A STEAL.
Located just 45 minutes from downtown Kansas City, Missouri, along picturesque Business Highway 10, not far from the bustling metropolis of Richmond (population 5,638), this 2 bedroom, 1 bath single-family home is the perfect fixer-upper opportunity.
But don't just take my word for it, here's what the realtor has said about the property:
Looking for small acreage, just outside the city limits of Richmond? Here it is! This home has potential! Fixer Upper's dream! Bring your ideas and skills and make this your special home. Home has newer septic. The water in the basement is due to the sump pump not being on for several years. OWNER IS SELLING PROPERTY "AS IS"! THIS PROPERTY IS SUBJECT TO THIRD PARTY APPROVAL. PROOF OF FUNDS WHEN SENDING OFFER.
Personally, I love that the description has a built in excuse for the STANDING WATER IN THE BASEMENT.
Also, why was there not a sequence of Bray Wyatt attempting to drown Randy Orton in the stagnant basement pond? That's a missed opportunity right there.
Once again, and I cannot stress this enough, YOU CAN BUY THE ACTUAL REAL HOUSE OF HORRORS FOR $36,000 DOLLARS.
Look, there's the outside, where the SPOOKY HAUNTED BACKWARDS TRACTOR drove backwards on its own, spookily!
And where the house glowed BLUE for some reason, then later, RED for some reason!
And here's the living room, where so much of the brawling happened.
The banisters there appear to have been swept clean of cobwebs, so you know they're serious about selling this place.
Sadly there are no photos of the kitchen available on Zillow, though you can kind of see the fridge in the background of this picture here:
Also, it appears as though the SPOOKY CEILING FULL OF BABY DOLLS has been removed.
Maybe there was asbestos and they had to remediate.
Still, I gotta say, that was a big selling point for me. The SPOOKY CEILING FULL OF BABY DOLLS.
You just don't see a unique feature like that on today's market.
I say we all pool our resources and buy this house.
We can even put in a lowball offer, say that we're not going to pay full price unless they put back the SPOOKY CEILING FULL OF BABY DOLLS and throw in the SPOOKY HAUNTED BACKWARDS TRACTOR for free.
You don't have to answer right now. Take the day to think about it.
But I really think someone is going to snap this up. It's too good a bargain.
Also, if any intrepid Fightful readers living in the Kansas City area would like to take the drive out the outskirts of Richmond and get a peek for themselves in the flesh, I've embedded a map below.
Just know this. If you decide to get stupid and break into this house and get yourselves arrested, Fightful will disavow all knowledge of you or your mission.
Not that it's actually a mission. Oh no, I've said too much.
(Seriously, don't break into this house.)
((I mean it.))