Match Ratings, Podcast Notes For Impact Slammiversary XVI (2018) From Sean Ross Sapp

Rating guide

10- Perfect, 9- Excellent, 8- Great, 7- Good, 6- Above Average, 5- Average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5.
 

The Miz Discusses John Morrison's Return, How They Created Their Own Opportunity In 2007

Johnny Impact defeated Fenix, Taiji Ishimori and Petey Williams
8/10

  • Petey Williams replaces Rich Swann, who got a concussion.
  • I hate rings being lit the way this one is. Shines right into the camera. 
  • I'm not sure how I feel about how the event is shot. It's different. Like a 2002 startup promotion trying to use all the WCW and ECW talent. 
  • Fenix does something like a quintuple jump super frankensteiner.
  • You would never be able to tell that Petey Williams took THREE YEARS OFF.
  • The ol Scott Steiner-Christian apron spot happens to Impact, oof.
  • Spot after spot after spot. This is wild. The crowd is outstanding for this match as well.
  • Ishimori with a tilt a whirl headscissors that could have hurt him more than Fenix.
  • Great ovation for the Sharpshooter out of a Canadian Destroyer attempt.
  • Fenix is unreal, and he's in there with three other unreal competitors. Perfect match to set the tone. 
  • Superkick party all around and everyone ends up down.

Tessa Blanchard defeated Allie
7/10

  • Glad Allie is back to wearing gear. The leggings and shredded shirt was kinda odd.
  • Tessa is going 100 miles an hour, but she's good enough to do it.
  • Allie suplexes Tessa into the corner, but Tessa is outbrawling and outwrestling her, including shades of Paul Jones.
  • Allie Valley Driver hits on the floor very well. A big lungblower hits in the ring too. 
  • A super Frankensteiner from Tessa hits and it's SOLID. This is great back and forth.
  • A codebreaker sends Tessa outside, but a superkick doesn't get it done either. 
  • Tessa wins with a hammerlock DDT in one of the best women's matches on North American TV this year.

House of Hardcore Match
Eddie Edwards defeated Tommy Dreamer
6/10

  • I had some real problems with Edwards' acting performances early on, but he's settled in and done really well.
  • A trash can over the head, then Edwards gets stapled in the head. Dreamer grabs an ECW replica belt and hits Edwards with it. 
  • How much does a ring used ECW replica title with Eddie Edwards' blood on it go for these days?
  • Edwards scores a big suicide dive.
  • It's a good thing Tommy Dreamer innovates violence, because his offense is full of other people's moves. Including a cutter.
  • Dreamer wears out Edwards with a cane and punches him in the balls on the top rope to set up a Spicolli Driver through the table.
  • Dreamer gets a table and lighter fluid, but Edwards DDTs him, Boston Knee Party into a chair for the win. The crowd wasn't happy about the lack of fire. 
  • Alisha comes out, and Dreamer hands Edwards the singapore cane "passing the torch."

X Division Championship
Cage defeated Matt Sydal (c) to win the X-Division Championship
5.5/10

  • Cage is just launching Sydal around, including a Singh Bomb on the apron.
  • Sydal tweaks his knee. Hard to portray a guy half Cage's size as the heel, which is why they showed a smarmy Sydal promo before.
  • A "head and neck choke" over the ropes by Sydal doesn't make any sense. Cage was holding on to him. 
  • Cage does an inverted Samoan drop that looks super neat. 
  • They're gonna run out of moves to do soon. The crowd isn't as hyped for this as the others, and it has the benefit of a title on the line.
  • Shooting star press misses, and Cage turns Sydal inside out with a clothesline for two.
  • Cage almost catches a Drill Claw in mid-air, but Sydal rolls him up for a nearfall.
  • Sydal completely fucked up a shooting star press and hits his feet on the ropes. Cage with a Drill Claw to win. No big title celebration.
  • I've seen Sydal do like hundreds of Shooting Star Presses. That one could have went terribly.
  • This didn't click for me.

Impact Knockouts Champion
Su Yung (c) (w/ Bridesmaids) defeated Madison Rayne
4.5/10

  • I don't get the Madison push. I get it, she "WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE AN IN-RING COMPETITOR AND SHE'S A MOM!," but I can't dig the underdog storyline when she beat everyone on the roster and is touted as a 5X KO champ. 
  • Madison and Su Yung battle on the ramp and Rayne hits a SlowMoRana.
  • What does it say that Su Yung is getting chants over the super babyface push she's facing?
  • One of the bridesmaids holds Rayne, which for some reason causes a five count instead of a DQ. Yung accidentally spits in her face.
  • Ripcord cutter hits for Madison for two. Su Yung applies the Mandible Claw to counter the reverse DDT and wins.
  • Madison Rayne's sell of the Mandible Claw was fantastic. Great facial expressions.
  • Josh Mathews watching his wife get abducted IN A COFFIN.

Impact Tag Team Championships
5150 Street Fight
LAX (w/ Konnan) defeated OGz (w/ King)
7.25/10

  • I'm into the new facepaint from LAX. Who will Hernandez kill tonight?
  • Dives from both members of LAX. Piss off with the shots to the skull bro. These aren't necessary. 
  • Hernandez flies over the top rope onto LAX. Hernandez is 45 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Drain-o!? I hope Drain-O is a paid product placement.
  • A long time to set up and knock down some failed double team moves, and Hernandez does a sitdown powerbomb for two.
  • Santana screams "FUCK YOU" while doing a LionSault. This is great.
  • Doomsday Blockbuster, but Hernandez pulls the ref out. Homicide does a suicide senton (somersault tope) THROUGH A TABLE.
  • Homicide eats a Death Valley Driver through the table, but Ortiz gets Border Tossed through one!!!
  • Santana goes 100 PERCENT on a somersault cannon ball on Homicide. This was awesome.
  • An Impact Wrestling chant in 2018. What a time to be alive.
  • Homicide gets suplexed through thumbtacks and a big splash from Santana for the win.
  • The OGz attack Konnan and LAX after the match and spray paint the tag team titles.

Mask vs. Hair 
Pentagon Jr. defeated Sami Callihan
7/10

  • Pentagon and Callihan do the bottle shot to missed chop to the post spot that they saw at MLW, per Bix.
  • Callihan cracks Pentagon with a chair, then takes a railroad spike to Pentagon's eye. Callihan is legit gross. It works.
  • These two end up trading shots with a railroad spike and a chair. This isn't pretty, but the live crowd is NUTS for it.
  • A corner lungblower gets two. I liked the move, but IMPACT agents need to coordinate because cutters and lungblowers and codebreakers are all over this show.
  • Pentagon goes to break Callihan's arm, but takes too long and Sami gets out. Pentagon takes out oVe with chairs, but is blinded with powder and breaks the ref's arm!
  • Pentagon Driver lands, but the ref is down. Stump Piledriver gets two, when a new ref comes out.
  • Fear Factor on a table of chairs, but somehow Callihan kicks out. Pentagon is in disbelief.
  • Arm breaker and a package piledriver for the win.
  • This is Impact Wrestling's coming out party, sixteen years into their existence.Impact Wrestling is having one of the greatest PPV shows of their history. There's something for everyone on this show.
  • oVe try to keep Sami from getting his hair cut, but Pentagon beats them up and Fenix (Pentagon's brother), run Sami back with security. Why wouldn't Eddie Edwards be right back out there swinging at Sami?
  • Callihan gets shaved, but the crowd want his beard gone too.

IMPACT Heavyweight Championship
Austin Aries (c) defeated Moose to retain the Impact Heavyweight Championship
6.5/10

  • These guys one up each other in the athleticism department, a cool sight to see. 
  • Moose is sent into the crowd, to a great reaction. Aries follows up with big kicks.
  • Aries pokes Moose in the eyes as Moose allows some punches. Clever spot. It's followed up by a sick Moose headbutt and some great corner dropkicks.
  • Go 2 Hell gets a two for Moose. A BELL CLAP from Aries serves to walk him into a clothesline.
  • Aries stuffs a spear and goes into the Last Chancery. Outstanding counter. 
  • A strike trade on the apron leads to a DVD on the apron from Aries, and kind of a weak series of swings into the barricade from Moose.
  • Aries pulls the ref in front of him and kicks Moose RIGHT IN THE PENIS. A brainbuster and Spear almost do it, but Aries grabs the ropes.
  • Moose throws Aries into the crowd from the ramp!
  • Aries gets back to the ramp, but no water in the pool for Moose as he jumps over the top rope. 
  • Discus elbows an a brain buster to the outside almost count out Moose. Aries tries to use the title, but Curtis Granderson grabs it from him. Aries avoids a roll up and hits the brainbuster for the win.
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