Opening segment
- We see a video recapping everything from last week.
- Daniel Bryan says that Kofi and The New Day are on a promotional tour of India, but he doesn't see why someone who eats lots of pancakes is replacing people who make pancakes.
- Bryan compares Owens to ALL YOU PEOPLE.
- There's a great back and forth between Owens and Bryan going through tired wrestling tropes, but doing it really well.
- Owens calls Rowan a seven foot back up dancer, and Bryan says KO doesn't have any friends to watch his back. Owens says he didn't need them for the KICK WHAM STUNNER last week.
- Owens ends up brawling with both, but Bryan pushes KO into a big Claw Slam.
- We need to name this slam.
The Miz (w/ Shane McMahon) defeated Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy Uso)
5.25/10
- The Usos come out and cut a pretty hilarious promo about how they're sick of Miz having an excuse to be emotional. They're mad about Shane McMahon saying that he has a better shoe game than them, even though they admit he does.
- Miz and Shane McMahon come out and cut a pretty generic promo leading into the brawl that starts the match.
- We get typical commercial break wrestling before things pick up after. Miz has some new running knees into the corner and a really nice DDT.
- Uso catches Miz when he puts his foot up on a splash attempt. Jimmy tries to help Jey cheat, but Shane takes him out.
- This all leads to Miz hitting Skull Crushing Finale on Jey, who was distracted.
- The story of this was Miz telling Jey he had to stay focused or he would capitalize and beat him, which he did.
WWE United States Championship Open Challenge
Samoa Joe defeated Andrade (w/ Zelina), Rey Mysterio and R-Truth (c) (w/ Carmella)
7/10
- R-Truth says he wants to do John Cena proud, and talks about his Cena bedsheets, and movies he watches with him in it. He's already tired after one U.S. Title open challenge.
- Dance Break. Then Lacey Evans, aka "Miss Sexy Gloves" comes out.
- Samoa Joe, then Rey Mysterio, then Andrade all answer the challenge. They're all getting it. R-Truth isn't happy.
- Back from the commercial Joe is beating everyone up, including Andrade who throws Joe's towel in the crowd.
- Joe is running this match. A monster suicide dive on Andrade, but then gets dropkicked by Truth, which sends Rey over the barricade!
- Andrade is constantly taunting Rey by emulating Eddie. He ends up reversing a West Coast Pop with a huge powerbomb.
- R-Truth ends up hitting a "double" Five Knuckle Shuffle" on Rey and Joe where he only hits Joe.
- Joe gets 619'd while doing the Coquina Clutch to Truth. Rey counters an irish whip by slide splashing Truth outside. This is getting wild.
- Andrade sunset flip powerbombs Rey, then Zelina flying ranas Truth, but Carmella superkicks her.
- Mysterio does the Mysterio Destroyer, 619 and Frog Splash to Andrade, but Samoa Joe capitalizes and pins Andrade!!
- Joe is U.S. Champ!
- This got downright crazy at the end. Great timing and execution.
- Rey Mysterio might be the best wrestler in WWE right now.
- Samoa Joe cuts an AWESOME promo with Kayla Braxton backstage and targets John Cena.
- Rey vs. Andrade set for Mania Kickoff.
Backstage Crappenings
- We see a New Day selfie promo from India. They'll be at Fastlane.
- AJ Styles is interviewed and talks about his opportunities. Randy Orton shows up and says he sees why it took Styles 15 years to get there.
Ricochet & Aleister Black defeated The Bar
5.75/10 (segment 6/10)
- The Bar cut a generic "you don't size up" promo.
- Ricochet lands a standing star press, but gets Brogue Kicked off the apron.
- Ricochet gets worked over, and lands a rolling DDT but for some reason struggles to get the tag to Black.
- Black does a great knee to Sheamus, but falls victim to an Irish Curse backbreaker-knee drop. This was a great double team move.
- Cesaro flips out of a move but walks into Black Mass. 630 wins it.
- If this went longer, it would have hit 6/10.
- Rusev & Nakamura attack, but the Hardy Boys attack and hit Rusev with a couple of Twist of Fates.
- Jeff Hardy gets caught on a Poetry in Motion dive, but Ricochet does an ol' Twisted Bliss over the top rope onto everyone.
Mandy Rose (w/ Sonya Deville) defeated Naomi
SQUASH
- When Tom Phillips says "she's only been competing for a few years" when talking about Mandy Rose in the HOF, right after he talked up Torrie Wilson...uhh.
- Naomi lands a nice kick. Then she gets kneed and hit with the Angel's Wings. Pin.
- Naomi fed the arm on the Angel's Wings.
- Asuka attacks Fire & Desire after the match. Sonya gets sent into the boards BIG TIME.
Kevin Owens defeated Rowan (w/ Daniel Bryan)
Short
- KO powders out early and attacks Daniel Bryan for taunting him.
- This is over with the quickness. DQ for the double team attack.
- Rowan bodyslams Owens on the ground.
- Mustafa Ali makes his return from injury and makes the save, huracanrana-ing Rowan into the post. Bryan takes him out with a flying knee, though.
- Kevin Owens keeps them from beating Ali up too much, and they run the heels off after a Stunner!
FRIENDLY
- Charlotte Flair cuts a promo mocking Becky Lynch for having her back up against the wall at Fastlane. This was pretty good.
- Charlotte invites Becky to have a FRIENDLY conversation.
- Charlotte comes out and trolls Becky out and gets her -- on crutch and all.
- Becky says Ronnie can't decide what she wants, and she took Rousey's best shot and is still standing.
- Charlotte attacks Becky and kicks the crutch away. There's some nasty crutch shots until Becky gains an advantage and gets the Disarmher.
- This was good and messy. Officials pull Becky off.
Rating guide
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5.The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!
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