Opening
Triple H comes out, and Randy Orton follows. Orton either wants the WWE Title or to enter last in the Royal Rumble. Triple H doesn't like the way Randy Orton is doing things, and Orton says that he's a legend in his own right and can do what he wants. He challenges Triple H to a match, which is declined. He then says HHH's balls are in Stephanie's purse and gets punched for it. Oh, well okay. Break glass in case of emergency. I swore they promoted Triple H vs. Randy Orton in Saudi Arabia as their last match against each other, but I can't find that anywhere so I guess they all ran together for me.
Other Stuff
Drew McIntyre runs a PSA telling everyone to stay safe as he's sidelined with COVID-19. He disrespects Goldberg's accolades because he has never won the WWE title. He accepts Goldberg's challenge.
Lacey Evans defeated Charlotte Flair
4.5/10
Both women cut promos before the match. Charlotte says it's just her getting caught up in the heat of the moment, and Lacey hits on Ric Flair even more. Flair comes out to the ring, which seems really stupid in the current climate. I've always loved the headscissor stomps and rolls Charlotte does. A great set of moves. Ric Flair ends up putting Lace'ys leg on the ropes and saving her from getting pinned. They do the Rude/Warrior/Heenan finish and Lacey Evans wins. They couldn't have Charlotte eat a pin to drop the NXT Title though? This was a little long and I don't think we need Charlotte as a tag team champion right now, especially if she's just gonna lose. Lacey Evans leaves the venue with Ric Flair so she can change at their hotel. Oh boy.
Jaxson Ryker defeated Jeff Hardy
SQUASH
Jeff Hardy defeated Elias
5/10
Elias says that he's injured and Jaxson Ryker will face Hardy instead. Ryker pins Jeff Hardy in about a minute with a distraction roll up. They made Jeff Hardy look flat out stupid. He's a 25 year vet but still gets beaten with distraction roll ups? Okay! Jeff Hardy goads Elias into a match. Elias flat out did the F-U to Hardy. Hardy ends up winning after a Twist of Fate, but this was very weird booking. Nothing on this show has felt like it mattered so far.
Sheamus & Keith Lee defeated Miz & Morrison
5.25/10
Miz and Morrison challenge Keith Lee and Sheamus to a match, after Sheamus makes nice with Lee. Lee knocks Morrison into the top turnbuckle and busts it loose. Keith Lee and Sheamus control the majority of the match. Keith Lee does all the heavy lifting in this match, and Sheamus tags himself in and gets the win with a Brogue Kick. They laugh about it after the match.
Keith Lee defeated Sheamus
5.5/10
Well, the laughing doesn't laugh too long because they end up beating the living shit out of each other after the commercial break. They really lay it in on each other. Keith Lee ends up getting the win with a Spirit Bomb. I really hope they aren't planning some sort of Sheamus title match, as he's not won a singles match since October. The right person won this match, as a 50/50 would be lame. They show each other respect after the match. This show is only halfway over.
T-Bar (w/ Retribution) defeated Xavier Woods
5.5/10
WWE say Kofi Kingston broke his jaw against Hurt Business. He's wrestled Miz and Morrison since then. Well then. Bring back King of the Ring and have Xavier win that thing. T-Bar cuts a terrible, ridiculous promo that I'm sure he didn't write. This is a good, albeit too short match that built up to Xavier Woods dropkicking T-Bar off his feet. Feast Your Eyes wins it for T-Bar. He looks great, and we already knew he was amazing in the ring. Oh yeah, there was another distraction. This show is the most predictably lazy thing. Why can't some of the heels just be better wrestlers?
WWE United States Championship
Bobby Lashley (c) defeated Riddle to retain the title
SQUASH
Riddle is talking to Lucha House Party about Pizza. Bobby Lashley attacked Riddle before the bell. This spells disaster for Riddle, who ends up submitting to The Hurt Lock. Another match, another slimy heel win. They'll run this back. They always do. Riddle challenges MVP to a match. It's 10:10 PM and four wrestlers have already pulled double duty on this show.
Royal Rumble Qualifier
AJ Styles (w/ Omos) defeated Drew Gulak
5.75/10
I wish they'd have went with that "I want you to earn your way in to the Royal Rumble" stuff before everyone started declaring. Gulak appraoches AJ Styles and Adam Peace and is given....a unique opportunity. AJ Styles was hilarious here. I'll never tire of a Pearl River Plunge, and Gulak does one out of the gate. AJ Styles gets the win, and no Royal Rumble for Drew Gulak -- for now.
Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax defeated Dana Brooke & Mandy Rose
4.5/10
Dana Brooke and Mandy Rose declare for the Royal Rumble right after Gulak had to compete for it. Shayna Baszler does a really nice swinging backbreaker, which is the highlight of the match. Shayna Baszler steals the win from Nia Jax and gets a submission win. How many finishes are they gonna recycle tonight?
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
Apparently this isn't a match, it's just a fight. There's no ref, which means there's no finish, which means there's really not much of a point, either. When Triple H gets the sledgehammer, The Fiend's "entrance" starts with the Thunderdome lights going out. Triple H's sledgehammer is somehow on fire, and then he disappears. Alexa Bliss is standing in the ring. Alexa Bliss just won the Triple H vs. Randy Orton fight and that pretty much sums up WWE Raw these days. She threw a fireball at Orton's face.
Rating Guide
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones that may change upon a second viewing, or sitting on the match for a period of time. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!
