Firefly Funhouse
- We get a rather pointless Firefly Funhouse. Bray effectively reiterates what happened last week.
- He's waiting for Braun, and Bray recommends that Braun gives him what he wants.
- He threatens Alexa Bliss.
- The Fiend comes out to the ring.
- Braun Strowman rambles a bit. He doesn't really give a fuck about Alexa by the sounds of it.
Matt Riddle defeated Sheamus via DQ
5/10
- This is good and physical. It's great to see so many wrestlers getting to work a more realistic style with Riddle.
- This is good, stiff work.
- The Riddle strikes are not thrown unless they have the intent of landing.
- Sheamus does the White Noise, but they end up brawling outside.
- Shorty G shows up and attacks Riddle, and Gable is FUCKING JACKED MAN.
- Sheamus is just watching along.
- Gable is attacked by Riddle and gets his ass kicked big time.
- Sheamus Brogue Kicks Gable twice and is LIVID.
- I love how mad Sheamus was that Gable cost him a win. Wrestlers SHOULD be mad over that. They shouldn't just dip out and hit the bricks. Wins are supposed to equal money!
- Sheamus goes off on Baron Corbin, who is talking to some lady.
- This is the Sheamus I've wanted to see. Unfortunately it's after we've watched him get piss thrown on him for three months.
The Dirt Sheet
- The RETRIBUTION gimmick is carrying over to Smackdown. Miz and Morrison kind of downplay them.
- They make fun of Mandy's hair. It's okay.
- Sonya Deville is a fantastic promo.
- Sonya says Mandy got in WWE for winning bikini contests. They were both Tough Enoughs.
- Oh no, the Bumpy Awards are canon now.
- Heavy Machinery hit the ring and attack Miz & Morrison.
- I'm okay with Otis being a comedy character, but the Caterpillar is a terrible finish.
Cesaro (w/ Shinsuke Nakamura) defeated Lince Dorado (w/ Gran Metalik)
6/10
- Lince does a crazy tope con hilo huracanrana that is countered by Cesaro. He ends up landing on the barricade and finishing the move.
- Cesaro's dead-stop tilt-a-whirl back breaker is one of my favorite moves now.
- Dorado hits a great handspring Stunner.
- Huracanrana into a kickout, into a European uppercut, into a Neutralizer for a Cesaro win. This ruled.
- There are absolutely no stakes to this match, but it's stll worth watching.
Jeff Hardy defeated King Corbin via DQ
4/10
- The good ol 9:10 EST half nelson crossface! Just what I wanted.
- This is the biggest example of WWE match I don't care about. A couple of formerly heavily pushed guys who have been 50/50'd beyond me caring.
- Sheamus comes out and kicks Jeff Hardy, which gets Corbin DQ'd.
Sheamus defeated King Corbin
4.75/10
- Please just consolidate Sheamus and Corbin and make them a team. The promos that get written for them will be lame, but I bet they'd be a great team.
- I'd say file this into the last category, but at least it's new and heel vs. heel.
- The good ol 9:21 EST half nelson crossface! Just what I wanted.
- Matt Riddle shows up and jumps over Corbin, leading to a Sheamus Brogue Kick and win.
ZOOM CALL
- Backstage, Bayley tells Sasha Banks that she wishes she would have cleared the Asuka match with her, but Sasha says Bayley is her role model.
- There's a shitty, clearly pre-recorded message from Stephanie McMahon, and the Golden Role Models try and kiss ass.
- Stephanie says both women will defend their titles at Summerslam. Bayley's contender will be determined in a tri-brand battle royal.
Heavy Machinery vs. Miz & Morrison (w/ Sonya Deville)
4.5/10
- Sonya Deville is out with Miz & Morrison.
- Tucker has a great flip off the apron.
- There's a hilarious sport where Tucker runs right into the barricade.
- Mandy is out to attack Sonya with a new haircut.
- The match is thrown out despite Mandy and Sonya not being in the match.
- Four interference finishes in one night.
- They're being separated backstage.
- The lights go out.
- The CHAOTIC new stable means CHAOTIC camera work, that way you know there's CHAOS!
- Retribution is out and chases people off with bats and such.
- A guy in a mask who is about three feet tall says this is their house now.
- Bro, your camera is 40 feet away. It's capturing everything. Stop the shaking.
- They start beating the shit out of the NXT audience.
- Why aren't charges being pressed? Why aren't these people immediately being suspended?Make it makes sense.
- The final segment of Smackdown featured some of the absolute worst camera work and production I've ever seen on a wrestling show in my life.
- I know I'm gonna get the obligatory "give it a chance," and "if AEW did this angle everyone would love it" tweets, but this angle as of now is hugely corny and nonsensical. As mentioned 82 times, the production makes it even worse.
- A CHAINSAW!?
Rating Guide
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones that may change upon a second viewing, or sitting on the match for a period of time. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!
Get exclusive pro wrestling content on Fightful Select, our premium news service! Click here to learn more.
