Samoa Joseph

  • Samoa Joe is kicking off Raw with a microphone and he's livid at the idea that he would have done what happened to Roman Reigns.
  • Joe has already done the best acting of this entire angle.
  • MICHAEL COLE CITES AN INTERNET POLL. MY GOD.
  • Joe has them run the footage again, and says there an awful lot of cameras, but there's no footage of him there.
  • Joe plans on shutting down the show until he gets an apology.
  • Joe gets interrupted by Becky Lynch's entrance music, so I get the feeling that he's not gonna beat her up.

Becky Lynch & Charlotte Flair defeated Natalya & Trish Stratus via DQ
4.5/10

  • I love mixing up the babyfaces and heels for this tag team match.
  • I'm not going to pretend this work is the fastest by any means, but the dynamic is really interesting.
  • Natalya has worked the entire match about five minutes in and Charlotte and Becky don't want to work with each other.
  • Charlotte relies on front kicks and boots a lot.
  • It really seems like they've avoiding Trish working in this match at all costs.
  • Becky tags Charlotte Flair hard, and Charlotte leaves.
  • Sharpshooter applied and Becky gets to the ropes. Natalya won't release the hold. DQ.
  • Trish pulls Natalya off, but gets pushed down.

Andrade (w/ Zelina) defeated Rey Mysterio
6.75/10

  • Andrade lands a big backbreaker early, but the action spills outside for the commercial break.
  • Rey Mysterio does a move that definitely isn't VINTAGE, but Graves covers for Cole. It's a baseball slide sunset flip powerbomb.
  • Again, I never realized how badly I missed commercials during matches. Not necessarily that, but how much I don't miss the weird excuses not to.
  • Rey is able to do the Code Red, and Andrade the back elbow.
  • Anyone who does the dumb Del Rio stomp spot takes me out of their matches. Fortunately the double knees in the corner fix that.
  • Mysterio connects with a Mexican Destroyer, lands the 619.
  • Zelina distracts, allowing Andrade to get the knees up and a powerbomb.
  • Zelina hangs Mysterio up and sets up for the Hammerlock DDT.
  • Outside of the Del Rio stomp spot, that match was all kinds of awesome and the crowd loved it.

WWE 24/7 Championship
Mike Kanellis defeated Maria Kanellis (c) to become champion
R-Truth defeated Mike Kanellis (c) to become champion

  • Mike and Maria Kanellis are at the OB/GYN and Mike Kanellis hugs Maria as she's lying down, and a ref counts the pin.
  • Truth and Carmella are there in disguise. Truth hot potatoes a fake baby to Kanellis and pins him.

Lesnar

  • Paul Heyman shows up and trashes Seth Rollins, goading him out after the beat down last week.
  • Rollins limps out with a chair, apparently unwilling to wait six more days to heal up.
  • Heyman pleads with Rollins, and it doesn't work.
  • Rollins gets his ass kicked in one sided fashion. He doesn't stand a chance.
  • This is the way this should have went. No 50/50. Rollins takes the mic and wonders if this is worth it. That's kind of different.
  • Rollins says you love something so much that you'd do anything to protect it. He says he'll beat Brock Lesnar at Summerslam.
  • I guess I still don't get what people gain chanting "what" in 2019.

The Viking Raiders defeated JOBBERS
SQUASH

  • You know what it is. An ass kicking. I still don't know which is which. They've had their names changed so much.
  • Ivar (I think) German suplexes the hairy fellow. Erick does a big splash
  • Viking Experience. That's it.
  • Okay, time for a program.

The Match That Wasn't

  • The Street Profits see Kurt Angle. Angle really should have just said "I know who you guys are," and put them over. They give him milk in a red cup while beatboxing Kurt's theme. Kurt says he promised his wife he wouldn't do anything too crazy.
  • Drew McIntyre tries to intimidate Kurt.
  • Drew attacks Cedric and the two brawl and take each other out before the match starts. Cedric ends it with a flying DDT to the floor.
  • Bray Wyatt appears and puts the Mandible Claw on Angle.
  • Where are all those weenies who said that Bray Wyatt only did the Mandible Claw because Foley couldn't bump?

The OC defeated New Day & Ricochet
5/10

  • Luke Gallows is wearing face paint again.
  • The OC jumps New Day before anything could really get started.
  • Ricochet makes the save for Xavier and Big E. This is now a SIX MAN TAG TEAM MATCH!!!!
  • Big E is worked over big time until a suplex on Styles.
  • Xavier gets hot tag numero uno, but it doesn't do the trick. He's pinned with the Magic Killer. That's it.

A CAR WRECK

  • Samoa Joe tries to hijack Raw waiting on Roman, and gets CM Punk chants as a result.
  • Reigns is apparently showing at 10 pm EST because that 2k20 cover gig has gone to his head.
  • They're in the parking lot and a car hits Reigns' car out of nowhere.
  • They go to a commercial and Joe checks on Reigns. I'm interested in this. It doesn't scream "fake," to me. It screams "I don't like this guy but he just got hit by a goddamn car."
  • They REALLY didn't need the second camera angle. The extra camera angles are a good example of WWE production looking "too glossy" as Bischoff pointed out in our interview this year

WWE Women's Tag Team Titles
Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross defeated The IIconics (c), Kabuki Warriors (w/ Paige) and Fire & Desire to become champions
4.75/10

  • The crowd doesn't care about this early, and it's all IIconics screaming shit.
  • IIconics do a couple of good double suplex.
  • It's a fatal four way tag match, and the match is unfolding accordingly.
  • Mandy Rose pinning someone with that bad ass bicycle knee is the content I'm here for. It's Peyton, and the IICONICS ARE OUT!!
  • Referee's discretion is a thing, but if it's elimination rules, there was no reason for the ref to completely ignore the rules in the first fall..
  • Kabuki Warriors have some great double team offense on Nikki.
  • Kairi has some weird taunts about Alexa's height, but here we go.
  • There's a shitty Angel's Wings spot, and Mandy gets put in the Asuka Lock. She has to tap out.
  • Asuka applied a leg lock on Nikki and it lasts way too long.
  • There was a CM Punk chant forming that got booed out pretty quickly.
  • Alexa does that dumb stop and slap that happens way too much.
  • Kairi gets a hot tag, but it comes down to Asuka applying an Asuka Lock.
  • Nikki Cross pushes Kairi off the top rope and Alexa and Nikki do great double team work on Asuka in the apron.
  • Alexa cracks Kairi with a big punch and the Twisted Bliss for the win.
  • Nikki Cross and Alexa Bliss' friendship and tag team title win has been one of WWE's better stories this year.
  • Paige consoles the Kabuki Warriors.

CONTRACT SIGNING

  • Miz brings out Shawn Michaels.
  • Dolph goes off on HBK and Miz, and signs the contract
  • Miz says it'll be great facing him next week on Raw. Miz got Ziggler to sign a contract to face BILL GOLDBERG.
  • Goldberg is here and signs the contract.
  • Hey good for Goldberg. It's a throwaway match and a chance for redemption, and a nice challenge for Ziggler to get something out of him.
  • SUPERKICK TO ZIGGLER.

Rating guide

10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor

Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!

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