Corporate BITCH
- Kevin Owens brings out AJ Styles and Randy Orton.
- Styles says Orton is a one move pony, and Orton trashes Styles for being an indie guy.
- Orton puts over himself wrestling at WrestleMania for two decades. Styles says he was also getting suspended for failing drug tests.
- Owens' face here was pretty great. He leaves when a fight is about to break out.
- Orton says Styles has replaced Cena as WWE's corporate bitch.
- Styles goes for a Phenomenal Forearm, but gets caught with an RKO.
The Usos, Ricochet & Aleister Black defeated Rusev, Shinsuke Nakamura & The Bar (w/ Lana)
5.75/10
- Ricochet and Cesaro aren't really on the same page, but are so good you can't tell.
- These are hoss battle attacks from everyone. Some really good strikes being landed here.
- Jey Uso gets worked over for the most part. The heels control the duration of this match.
- Jimmy gets the hot tag and has a nice series with Rusev.
- Strikes are traded, with the highlight being Ricochet caught with a pop-up European uppercut.
- A double superkick pins Rusev.
- Alexa Bliss is the 20th WWE Superstar to cross brands since last month.
- She announces that as punishment for forfeiting, The Usos will defend the tag titles against ALL THESE TEAMS.
- Ricochet & Aleister Black stand tall after attacking everyone.
IIconics promo
- We get a run of the mill IIconics promo.
- That being said, it's an IIconics promo, so it's still pretty good.
- They say about what you'd expect them to.
Falls Count Anywhere Handicap Match
The Miz defeated Sanity
6/10
- Miz cuts a promo and puts over Kofi, then says Shane is a son of a bitch.
- Sanity comes out. I forgot how poorly their entrance is shot. Shane McMahon comes out, makes Greg Hamilton announce him, and then watches.
- Miz is valiantly fighting back, at least from what I can tell through these camera cuts.
- Shane McMahon just flat out announces that this match is becoming a Falls Count Anywhere match. He also trolls Miz's potato face Dad.
- Miz back suplexes Wolfe through a table, but Young breaks up the pin.
- I love that this is going into the backstage area. We need more of this.
- They're outside in the rain.
- Miz knees Young in the head and runs a crate into his face and wins.
- Shane McMahon is seen driving off after this.
Bex
- Becky Lynch pulls up with a police escort as Miz is outside. Irish privilege.
- Corey Graves is in the ring to interview her.
- Becky instead stands on top of the announce table.
- I wanna know who Becky ratted on to get out AND a police escort.
A GIANT 18 PERSON CLUSTER TAG
5/10
- The Smackdown Before Mania is the one night a year where you see a nine-on-nine mixed tag match featuring stars of Smackdown Live as well as stars that have not been assigned brands yet.
- Nikki attacks Zelina. Then Lacey Evans walks out.
- I love them referencing EC3's history with Jeff Hardy. It's good to see EC3 working with each Hardy Boy as well.
- Heavy Machinery did a Poetry In Motion of sorts. It was more like a Things That Don't Go Together In Motion. Caterpillar on EC3.
- Karl Anderson broke up a Dance Break. Then Naomi throws him over the top rope. Hilarious.
- STATEMENT MAKING TIME.
- I think Otis threatens to sexually accost Mandy or something, but Shelton throws him out.
- Nikki jumps on his back in a rage, which is kinda funny.
- This has gone on way too long.
- Twist of Fate from Jeff on EC3, and Asuka kicks him.
- ASUKA THROWS Jeff Hardy out.
Samoa Joe defeated Ali
5.25/10
- Hoping Ali wins and is added to the U.S. Title match.
- Joe fires off some shots, but Ali hits a suicide dive.
- Ali follows with a tornado DDT and a rolling facebuster.
- Ali misses a 450 and gets choked out. That's a wrap.
- This was good, but also about three minutes.
Contract signing
- Daniel Bryan calls Kofi a bystander in life who waited.
- Huge Kofi and KofiMania chants.
- Bryan says Big E and Xavier pushed Kofi to the top.
- Kofi hasn't said a word with three minutes left.
- Bryan says this is the best it'll ever be for Kofi.
- Kofi finally talks -- when there aren't chants for him.
- Kofi says he's been there 11 years and not had a singles match for the WWE title. He sees Bryan tremble.
- "You know what comes next. At WrestleMania, I beat you and become WWE Champion."-- Kofi.
Rating guide
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5.The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!
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