Welcome to the Live Raw Coverage
for the Summerslam go-home show.
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If you missed my Uncooked Raw Reaction from last week, you can read it HERE.
On Tonight's Episode, according to the preview on WWE.com:
Brock Lesnar will "address" The Viper
--Presumably this means that Randy Orton will be on Raw.
But maybe Lesnar is just looking for the zip code for ViperVille, so he can go to the post office and "address" him a nice fruit basket.
Can Roman Reigns spoil Rusev's night yet again?
--They could have just asked:
"Is Roman Reigns going to be a dick and face no consequences again this week?"
More important question, "Is Lana still planning her revenge?"
Seth Rollins to deconstruct The Demon King
--Apparently Seth Rollins is going to invite The Demon to appear on Raw.
Pictured: Seth Rollins
How will The New Day retaliate against Gallows & Anderson?
--If it's not by doing this, then I will be sorely disappointed.
Do cheaters prosper?
--This one is about Darren Young and Bob Backlund, so I hope it just furthers the beautiful romance between these two:
They're like the gay interracial May-December Ross and Rachel for our times.
Charlotte goes solo.
Charlotte hasn't done a lot of solo work recently. Dana and Daddy have been watching her back over the past few months, but neither will be in her corner at Summerslam.
What's her strategy for Sunday?
Get ready for the answers to these questions and more
because Raw starts ...
Earlier today ...
Seth Rollins standing outside the arena in Corpus Christi in a grove of palm trees for some reason.
Seth Rollins is calling out the demon king. Literally.
Of course, the demon doesn't show up, so Seth says he'll have to go find him.
In the ring, Rusev and Lana are demanding that Roman Reigns come out and apologize for last week.
Until he does, they say they are not leaving the ring.
Foley comes out, Rusev calls him the "so-called general manager," and reads him the riot act.
Foley has been getting into Zack Ryder's beard dye. He looks like he fell face-first into a vat of shoe polish.
Rusev still refuses to get out of the ring. He demands that Stephanie come out. She does.
Stephanie puts over Foley as deserving of respect. Rusev will say no to that.
Rusev threatens to jumps ship to Smackdown, where they appreciate talent.
Roman comes out and makes terrible jokes, insulting Lana. He wants to fight right now.
No, says Stephanie, the US Title match is going down at Summerslam.
Rusev wants to kick Roman's ass right now, to defend Lana's honor, and I honestly can't believe this guy isn't the babyface in this feud.
Mick Foley says he can respect the defending your wife's honor thing, so tonight we'll have a non-title match, right here, in Corpus Christi, Texas.
Back from the break and Sheamus is in the ring, and they're still doing the "establish physical dominance" thing with him and Cesaro.
He's being interviewed by Saxton, it's a standard promo about his match with Sami Zayn, and that Sami has been running his mouth on Twitter.
I hope this leads to Sami being inserted in the Cesaro/Sheamus thing so Sami has something to do at Summerslam.
Cesaro shows up at the announce table, right on cue.
SHEAMUS VS SAMI ZAYN
The match is pretty good so far, with Sami hitting a headscissors takedown, throwing Sheamus to the outside. He tries a tornado DDT off the apron but Sheamus catches him, throwing him into the ring post.
AFTER THESE MESSAGES WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
Back from the break, and Sheamus is in the driver's seat, but his mohawk is flopping down in front of his forehead that make it look like he's in 80s New Wave band Flock of Seagulls.
He should run, run so far away, because Sami is coming back, clotheslining Sheamus to the outside, then nailing a tope con hilo.
Sami Zayn hits a Blue Thunder Bomb and Michael Cole calls it a Michinoku Driver. Corey Graves corrects him.
Cesaro leaves the announce table, distracts Sheamus, and The Celtic Warrior gets Helluva Kicked.
WINNER: Sami Zayn
Tom Phillips interviews Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens backstage, and it's predictably amazing.
Jericho questions where and when Enzo got his "G" Certification, and if his license is even up to date.
KO says that not only can you not teach height, you apparently also can't teach Cass how to spell. There isn't an A or a W in "SOFT". KO knows this, and English isn't even his first language.
During all of this, both Jericho and Owens call Tom Phillips by the wrong name. "Brian" "Steven" etc.
Tonight, KO vs Big Cass one on one.
Cesaro and Sheamus are going at it in the backstage area, being kept apart by referees.
Mick Foley decides to put them in a Best of Seven Series of Matches, which honestly sounds like he's punshing us.
That match series starts at Summerslam.
New Day (Woods & Kingston) vs Dudley Boyz
The match is interrupted before it starts by a video of Doctor Gallows and Doctor Anderson. It's very funny.
After that, a match happens that lasts about 45 seconds.
A miscue between the Dudleys (D-Von running into Bubba), Kofi hits the Trouble in Paradise for the win.
WINNER: New Day
After the match, another Doctor Club video plays on the JumboTron, and New Day delivers promo to a giant TV screen.
The New Day understands that The Club wants to beat them at Summerslam, as well as infect them with a case of RingPost-itis, but according to The New Day, that isn't very likely to happen.
Seth Rollins wandering through the halls backstage looking for The Demon King.
He comes across Neville, who tells him that he's no ready to face the Demon.
Rollins says that he is, in fact, ready.
NIA JAX vs RACHEL LEVY
Rachel Levy looks like a Rainbow Brite character. She is about 4 feet tall. She is interviewed by Saxton, and says if Simone Biles can do it, so can she.
I agree, if what Simone Biles did was to be DESTROYED by Nia Jax.
Jax picks her up, sets her on top of the ring ropes, and shoves her backwards all the way to the floor.
She puts her back in the ring, Samoan Drops her, and gets the pin.
I hope she does it to Summer Rae next week.
WINNER: Nia Jax.
BROCK LESNAR IN THE RING.
Paul Heyman is with him.
HEATH SLATER'S MUSIC HITS.
Paul asks him if someone put him up to it, to interrupt him.
Heath says nope. He says that he's been offered a contract on Raw if he can beat Brock Lesnar.
Paul laughs at him and tells the director to cut to a shot with just him and Brock.
Heath yells that he won't be ignored. He says he doesn't want to face Brock Lesnar but he has kids to feed. He needs this contract.
Paul tries to talk him out of it, but Brock speaks up.
"You have responsibilities, you have to put food on the table, you have kids. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR KIDS."
Brock gives Heath a choice. He can leave under his own power, or he can stay in the ring and get his ass beat. (I'm paraphrasing)
Heath starts to leave, but turns around to charge Lesnar. Lesnar clotheslines him, Germans him a few times, and F-5s him, then kicks him out of the ring.
Paul says I gotta hand it you Heath, you got guts.
He then does a standard Paul Heyman promo, i.e. very good, but the same stuff.
Brock Lesnar is going to murder a man this Sunday. You should watch.
BIG CASS vs KEVIN OWENS
Enzo spits hot fire. Cass is not bad either.
They are the most over act in the company right now.
I really hope they give this match some room to breathe before the inevitable schmozz finish. I'm very interested to see how Owens handles a man this size.
Apparently Owens handles it by running into a shoulderblock and taking a breather on the outside. Cass tries to drag him back in the ring, Owens hotshots him on the ring ropes, kicks him to the outside, Jericho cheap shots him and KO tosses him into the ringpost.
Owens in control after the break until Cass hits a sideslam, Owens rushes him with a clothesline in the corner, goes for a cannonball, but Cass gets to his feet lightning quick and hits the big boot.
The action spills to the outside, until Jericho attacks Enzo, throwing him into the steel ring steps.
Big Cass chases Chris around the ring, nails Owens, but gets shoved into the barricade by Jericho.
The ref calls for the bell.
WINNER: Big Cass by DQ.
The beatdown continues after the match, with Big Cass trying to fight off both men. The seven footer ends up taking a Codebreaker, though.
Reigns is interviewed backstage by Tom Phillips, but he's attacked from behind by Rusev, who throws him into the metal doors and then onto the catering table.
It's a pull-apart brawl, with Fit Finlay getting in on the action as well.
PRIME TIME PLAYERS vs THE SHINING STARS
Apparently during the pre-show, Titus and Darren made up.
Bob Backlund is managing both of them now?
The match is okay, Primetime Players doing some of their old moves.
Darren accidentally knocks Titus off the apron, Titus gets back in and hits the Clash of the Titus on Darren.
Primo makes the cover for the win.
This was stupid.
WINNER: Shining Stars
God, there's still another hour and fifteen minutes of this
NEVILLE vs JINDER MAHAL
Jinder is out, wearing his ISIS costume.
Neville falls during his entrance, and I legit thought he might have been hurt.
He's not, though, and he wins this match with the Red Arrow after maybe four minutes.
Man, Jinder Mahal is a damn embarrassment, and the Cruiserweight division can't come soon enough for Neville.
Steph and Foley are talking backstage, Foley says that Jon Stewart is going to be at Summerslam again this year.
Seth walks in, looking for the Demon King, says he can't find him, he's looked everywhere, and he deserves the rest of the night off.
Mick says, before you go, how about you go down to the ring and call him out.
He says he's insulted that the demon king won't show his face. He's going to give him one more chance.
"Where you at, demon king?"
The demon king doesn't show his face.
Seth says that Finn Balor is afraid of him.
A fan rushes the ring. He's taken out by security before he can get to Rollins and Seth is like "Is that the demon king?" and then the lights go out.
Balor's music starts.
They're really going to do the entrance here, before Summerslam.
Vince McMahon is a frigging moron.
Balor and Seth fight for a while, until a tope con hiro connects and sends Rollins backing up the ramp, looking like he's seen his own death.
Balor's body paint looks awesome, but this was a terrible decision.
Should have saved it for Sunday, in Brooklyn, where the crowd would have been SUPER into it.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
GALLOWS & ANDERSON vs THE GOLDEN TRUTH
This better be just G&A surgically removing R-Truth's testicles.
Sadly, it's not.
Goldust gets the hot tag and does some damage to Anderson, until he's distracted by Gallows.
Magic Killer. 1-2-3.
WINNER: Gallows & Anderson.
After the match, New Day runs in and attacks G&A, with Woods almost hitting Anderson in the junk with Francesca II.
Backstage, Charlotte is stretching and Dana comes up and tries to apologize for losing to Sasha and getting banned from ringside at Summerslam.
To say that Charlotte doesn't accept her apology would be an understatement.
Charlotte has a match tonight with Alicia Fox, and she doesn't want Dana out there to help.
Matter of fact, after she's wearing Gold again after Sunday, she's going to ask Stephanie to "replace" Dana with someone who isn't terrible.
Whatever that means.
CHARLOTTE vs ALICIA FOX
Sasha is on commentary. She talks about how she's the boss a lot.
Alicia is game, but when she gets hit with Natural Selection, it's OVAH.
After the match Charlotte calls Sasha down to the ring, Sasha obliges, and Dana Brooke shows up to distract Sasha by getting elbowed in the face long enough so that Charlotte can chop block Sasha in the back of the knees, and put her in the Figure 8.
She keeps the hold on for what seems like forever.
Graves says that makes her a true champion, which is weird way to repay Sasha for inviting him to her huge party in NYC this weekend. Maybe he doesn't care about meeting Jay-Z and Beyonce, because they're TOTALLY going to be there.
RUSEV vs ROMAN REIGNS
Seriously, how is Rusev the Bad Guy here? Roman interrupted his wedding celebration, insulted Rusev and his new bride, and ruined Lana's wedding dress. Yay, Roman! Yay, Roman?
Also seriously, why would you give this away for free on Raw six days before the PPV?
The two start fighting before the bell and it continues into the break...
Rusev is working the ribs and the left arm as we come back from commercial, until Reigns hits a Samoan Drop.
Roman mounts a mini-comeback until Rusev side-steps out of the corner, sending Reigns into the ringpost shoulder first.
Rusev beats up Reigns on the outside, throwing him into the steel steps and stomping on the injured arm.
Roman attempts another comeback and gets throwing into the barricade for his troubles.
ANOTHER DAMN COMMERCIAL.
Back from the break and Rusev is machka-ing the F*ck out of Roman.
Eventually, though, he puts Reigns on the top rope to go for a superplex, Reigns fights back with headbutts, and nails a flying clothesline.
Reigns nails a modified Blue Thunder Bomb (Cole doesn't call it anything, just silence) for a two count.
Roman goes for the Superman Punch, but Rusev catches him by the arm, Irish Whips him into the ropes, nails his Spinning Heel Kick.
Headbutt from the second rope.
Headbutt from the second rope.
Headbutt from the second rope.
HEADBUTT FROM THE SECOND ROPE.
HEADBUTT FROM THE SECOND ROPE.
Both men back to their feet, trading punches. Roman gains the advantage. Rusev is clotheslined to the outside.
Reigns goes for the Superman Punch and gets kicked in the ribs.
Back on the inside, Rusev tries his bicycle kick, SUPERMAN PUNCH, TWO COUNT.
Rusev is able to lock in the Accolade, but Roman got to the ropes.
Roman ducks the clothesline, runs the ropes, SPEAR.
WINNER: Roman Reigns.
So I guess Lana has no honor, since Rusev failed to defend it?
Oh well, at least this booking means that Rusev retains the title on Sunday.
That's it for this week.
Thanks for hanging out, Everybody.
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