Retro Match Ratings, Podcast Notes From WWF St. Valentine's Day Massacre From Sean Ross Sapp For Fightful Select

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Goldust defeated Bluedust in 3:04
5/10

  • Michael Cole had not yet found his voice, and was screaming nonstop.
  • BlueDust is the Blue Meanie, and he walks right into a big spinebuster and a skullbuster before he can even get his robe off.
  • Goldust gets a great clothesline. Not a lot of selling here.
  • BlueDust is happy to get himself counted out, but Goldust goes after him.
  • Bluedust kicks Goldust's legs, but he gets spanked. Bluedust misses a moonsault and eats a sad Curtain Call. Goldust wins.
  • Goldust looked determined in this match. His offense brought this up to par.
  • Goldust smashes Bluedust's ballsack with Shattered Dreams. The crowd is happy, but as soon as it's over, they're silent.

WWF Hardcore Championship
Bob Holly defeated Al Snow to win the vacant title in 9:58
5.5/10

  • Bob Holly has had several good themes, this isn't one of them.
  • This is for the vacant title because Road Dogg was attacked and taken out.
  • Chair shot to the head. Cringe
  • Holly loved smashing glass over people's head, and got cut up from it.
  • Snow uses a fire extinguisher. Trash cans, coolers, and lots of walls.
  • They brawl outside while Al Snow unleashes lame one liners. It's a legit 45 degrees out there.
  • Al Snow tries to put Holly in a wheelbarrow, but they fight to the river. Holly gets thrown in, and then Snow gets back body dropped. There's a huge tire there, too. AND A SHOE!
  • Al Snow looks HILARIOUS throwing repeated kidney punches.
  • What "legendary battles" was Al Snow a part of in the far east?
  • Holly wraps up Snow in the gate and pins him. This was different and entertaining, but sloppy. But hey, it's entertainment.

Big Bossman defeated Mideon in 6:19
4.25/10

  • Mideon and the Bossman. Oh boy.
  • The ring almost moves when Bossman is sent into the corner.
  • Mideon avoids the chair shot and it cracks the post, and it HURTS BOSSMAN'S HANDS. He has gloves on.
  • Mideon works over the hands. Hilarious
  • Bossman gets a Stinger Splash that makes Mideon spit everywhere.
  • "Boring" chants as a full nelson is applied. Mideon connects a German suplex that goes into a belly to back suplex for two
  • A sloppy Bossman Slam hits. Cole doesn't know the name of it.
  • The Ministry shows up and the lights go out. The Undertaker looks on as the Ministry holds Bossman down and Viscera splashes him several times.
  • Ministry cart him off after.

WWF Tag Team Championships
Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett (c) (w/ Debra) defeated Mark Henry & D-Lo Brown (w/ Ivory) in 9:33
5.5/10

  • The story told before this match was that Ivory would strip Debra if she interfered.
  • Mark Henry scores a big clothesline, but D-Lo comes in and gets worked over with a Hart bulldog, Jarrett dropkick, and some nice double team work.
  • I'm not sure why Jarrett literally dropped right down on a drop-down. That's not the real purpose.
  • The Owen Hart enziguri was over with me forever after the Shawn Michaels storyline. It could have been his finish.
  • D-Lo gets some awesome offense in the form of a big body press and a running powerbomb. He also catches Jeff Jarrett with a version of the Sky High.
  • Debra gets involved and distracts D-Lo. While Henry has Jarrett pressed, Owen cracks Henry with a guitar in the knee.
  • Jarrett wins with the Figure Four. Henry fed the leg there.
  • Ivory tried her best to strip Debra after this.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Val Venis (w/ Ryan Shamrock) defeated Ken Shamrock (c) to win the title in 15:53
Special Guest Ref: Billy Gunn
5.75/10

  • "The wild card in all of this is Bad Ass Billy Gunn, the referee. He MOONED Ryan Shamrock a few weeks ago. He doesn't like Val OR Ken Shamrock"- Michael Cole.
  • These two go at it 100 MPH, and Shamrock is throwing some nice strikes.
  • This is a battle for Ryan Shamrock, Ken's sister. Billy sneaks a look at her ass.
  • Shamrock dominates Val for the first several minutes until a suplex is reversed.
  • Venis also gets a nice double underhook suplex, and slams Shamrock into the ring post multiple times.
  • Venis while applying a sleeper: "Ask him!" Gunn: "ASK HIM WHAT!?"
  • Shamrock spikes Venis with an awesome DDT, but Gunn stops counting. A powerslam for Shamrock can't win it.
  • Venis gets a two count on a Fisherman's Suplex, and Gunn actually goes to the right vantage point to count the pin, which is hilarious.
  • Venis shakes his wiener at Shamrock and gets slammed off the top rope. Shamrock awkwardly doesn't pin after the huracanrana or belly-to-belly suplex.
  • Ankle Lock applied, but Ryan helps Val gets to the ropes. KEN IS LIVID. Ryan slaps Ken.
  • Ken shoves Billy Gunn, who hits him as a result. Val Venis SMALL PACKAGES Shamrock and Gunn fast counts.
  • There are like three stories going here and none are about the title.
  • Billy Gunn beats up Val Venis and leaves.

The Corporation (Chyna & Kane) defeated DX (Triple H & X-Pac) in 14:46
6/10

  • Triple H calls Chyna a big, jacked up bitch. They'd worked together a couple times on live events leading up to this to get used to it.
  • Chyna looks incredible. Kane won't let her work, though.
  • There's a great shot of Triple H on the apron while Chyna is in the ring. She WALLOPS HHH from behind.
  • Triple H doesn't want to fight Chyna. She reverses a suplex and forearms him, but misses an elbow drop.
  • They're trying not to hit her, and opt for wrestling moves instead.
  • Double suplex on Kane, but he sits right up. They throw Chyna into Kane, but he catches her and it sets up a double DDT and clothesline on Kane.
  • Shane McMahon is on commentary and X-Pac cleans his clock.
  • Kane catches an X-Pac wheel kick and slams him. Instead of pinning him, he chokes him -- shoulders on the mat.
  • Chyna does a running powerslam on X-Pac and applies a sleeper. He back suplexes his way out and tags HHH.
  • Triple H gets the hot tag and PUNCHES CHYNA. Decks her. She sells the hell out of a high knee. X-Pac Bronco Busters her and chases Shane off.
  • Another big knee to the face of Chyna, but Kane makes the save and chokeslams Triple H. He places Chyna on HHH for the pin.

WWF Championship
Last Man Standing
Mankind (c) vs. The Rock went to a no-contest in 22:00
8.25/10

  • Huge "Rocky Sucks" chants. It's wild to look back at the quick turn that was The Rock.
  • Rock had attacked Mick Foley earlier in the night. I can't believe Foley was even wrestling at this point. He wrestled 14 times between Rumble and Massacre. Incredible.
  • The Rock had pec/gynecomastia surgery
  • They brawl by the set and Rock throws Mankind into the steel.
  • There is an insane DDT on a table that has old CRT monitors all over it. FILTHY.
  • The Rock hits a belly-to-back suplex on the floor. This holds up today so well.
  • Rock is wearing generic Adidas. Supposedly on commentary during the feud, Lawler has said Rock dressed like that because he didn't take Foley seriously.
  • Mankind misses a Corporate Elbow and gets suplexed on the floor.
  • This was peak Rock. He gets on commentary and trashes Mankind. Mankind jumps him and does a version of the Cactus Jack elbow across the commentary table.
  • Mankind goes after Rock with stairs, but it backfires. Rock destroys Mankind's knee with a chair.
  • The Rock swings a chair, but it bounces off the ropes and hits himself!! Nobody but the Rock could have pulled off this spot like this.
  • They fight onto the announce table, and The Rock back body drops Mankind off of it. Foley's head hits the table, and leg cracks the ring bell. The Rock THEN THROWS THE STAIRS ON FOLEY. Insanity.
  • The Rock sings Smackdown Hotel and gets put in the Mandible Claw. He hilariously sells it on the mic. Raw fingers. No sock. There's a ref bump here.
  • The Rock was so good, sometimes we forget how good.
  • He hits Foley in the balls and DDTs him. It's not illegal or anything. He could have swatted at nuts all day.
  • Mankind planted Rock with a double arm DDT on a chair. The Rock gets a Rock Bottom, but they both hit each other with chairs and are counted out.
  • This was a fantastic match. The Rock is underrated in matches like these.
  • Don't ever accuse today's fans of being fickle. These got an awesome match and a creative finish that wasn't even the main event and chanted "bullshit."

Steel Cage Match
Title Shot At WrestleMania On The Line
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin defeated Mr. McMahon in 7:56 (officially)
7/10

  • This is the most famous iteration of the black bar cage, which wasn't around much.
  • McMahon is trying his best to kill time and avoid Austin. Austin chases him around, and twists his knee trying to climb back in to get Mr. McMahon.
  • He was playing possum and goes after McMahon. He just beats Vince's ass all over the arena. Ringside, the crowd, everything.
  • There was a lot more to the start of this than I thought.
  • Vince McMahon had outstanding instincts and footwork for a 53-year old in his first singles match.
  • Mr. McMahon keeps trying to climb the cage to get back in the ring. Then THE spot happens.
  • McMahon is bashed off the top of the cage and FLIES through the air an impressive distance. However, it's just not far enough. He lands on the edge of the table and there's a wild visual of him bouncing off.
  • Spanish language announcer Hugo takes a hilariously stupid ass bump off of this. He wasn't touched.
  • Mr. McMahon is wheeled off, but Stone Cold says he's not getting off this easy because the match hadn't started yet.
  • Austin tosses officials asides and runs the gurney back and wheels McMahon into the cage and slams the back brace across McMahon.
  • Austin beats McMahon to a pulp and hangs him over the outside of the cage before slinging him back in. That's a pretty wild bump to take in general, but especially after the table spot.
  • McMahon eats cage HARD. He's busted open.
  • Austin is going to leave, but McMahon flips him off and goads him back in. Stunner hits! Austin talks trash to McMahon on the ring floor.
  • Paul Wight, aka The Big Show, aka The Giant comes through the floor and throws Austin into the cage.
  • Wight throws Austin into the cage, it breaks and Austin falls to the floor and wins.
  • This was an iconic moment and match for many reasons, which helped push the rating up. The table break, the image of McMahon flipping Austin off, the debut, the finish. Classic.
  • McMahon collapses in disbelief as his plan failed

ADDITIONAL NOTES

  • Paul Wight would wrestle The Rock for the WWF title a couple of days after this on a Raw taping, with Mankind as a special guest ref. He'd not wrestle again for a month.
  • This was technically an In Your House show.
  • There was an attendance of 19,028 in The Pyramid in Memphis, Tennessee, and the show was sponsored by Western Union Money Transfer.
  • Viscera defeated Test by DQ and Billy Gunn vs. Tiger Ali Singh went to a No Contest on Heat. Too Much beat the Hardy Boyz in a dark match.

Rating guide

10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor

Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5.The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.

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