By Parker Holland

Schadenfreude & Friends 3 Report from The Frog & Bucket in Manchester

Battle Royale

  • The only way to win is to murder your opponent (except for the first match which is “Non-Cannon”).
  • Everyone will also have a backpack with a random weapon in it. It is Battle Royale after all. The winners will go on to a final match.
  • MC teacher Lykos is out to promote, blood and murder dressed as the teacher from Battle Royale in a grey track suit.

Kyle Fletcher vs ZSJ

  • ZSJ had a train to catch per MC Lykos. An amazing start to the show with a great surprise. Fletcher seemed to have him a few times but ZSJ wins with an inverted jackknife pin.
  • Chant of the match: Nationilisation (in reference to nationalizing the train system so ZSJ could have stayed longer)

Mark Davis (with one leg) vs Tyler Bate (with two legs)

  • Tyler opens his bag to reveal nunchucks, Davis has an uzi though. But then Davis shows there is no trigger and Tyler smacks it out of his hand. Tyler chokes him out with the nunchucks and is declared the winner.
  • But Davis lives. And calls Tyler to come back.
  • Tyler comes back and snaps his neck and is declared the winner.
  • But Davis lives. And calls Tyler to come back.
  • Tyler then comes back and stand Davis to death and is declared the winner.
  • But Davis lives. And calls Tyler to come back.
  • Tyler finally comes back and rips out Davis heart. Davis is dead?

Chief Deputy Dunne (in the body of Gene Munny) vs. Good Fortune Child (an acquaintance of Lucky Kidd)

  • Dunne opens his backpack to reveal a nightstick, and GFC opens his to show a gun and a meat cleaver!
  • GFC wins by throwing Dunny under the ring with a grenade and blowing him up.

Gene Munny (in the body of Chief Deputy Dunne) vs. Dani

  • LunaDani comes out with a small katana, not really keeping her weapon a surprise. Dunny reveals a giant bone as his weapon.
  • Dani stabs Dunny for the murder win.

Chris Brooke’s vs. Aleah James

  • Brooke’s brings out a bag that has some type of inflatable doll, James has a pasta strainer. Despite her obvious disadvantage weapon wise, James is able to counter Brooke’s into many a precarious situation.
  • But Brooke’s gets Lykos to hand him some scissors. James gets them from Brooke’s and cuts his finger off before he can give her a wet willy. Janes then takes Brooke’s severed finger and gives him a wet silky with his own finger.
  • Brooke’s reveals his weapon to be an inflatable Lykos. Inflatable Lykos then does a lot flips and jumps onto James outside.
  • Back in the ring, James kills inflatable Lykos with the scissors, but Brooke’s then chokes her out with the dead inflatable Lykos for the win.

Hell in the Cellaphane Match (the ring is wrapped in Cellaphane ten feet high).

Chris Brooke’s vs. Tyler Bate vs. Dani Luna vs. Good Fortune Child

  • Dani Luna and Chris Brooke’s are eliminated when the circle shrinks and they are blown up. Bate and GFC were outside the zone when this happened.
  • GFC and Bate go back and forth with Bate getting the upper hand. He pulls a knife and stabs GFC many many many times. He goes to the top rope to do a 450, but when he lands GFC is holding the knife and Bate stabs himself when he lands. GFC then cuts off Bates head with a meat cleaver for the win. Schadenfreude Royale Champion: Good Fortune Child

EDITOR'S NOTE: WHAT THE HELL!?

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