Welcome to the
Uncooked Raw Reaction
Overcooked Raw Refresher
So there appears to be no reprieve for me in my busy schedule, but I'll be damned if I stop writing these reaction pieces.
However, I think I'm going to start publishing these a week after the show airs, as kind of a "refresher" for that night's episode, helping you remember what happened the week before. Then at the end, I'll do a little preview of the upcoming episode, what to expect and what I'm hoping for.
I'll still do an Uncooked Reaction piece, but it'll be just quick thoughts about the episode, what worked and what didn't, published the morning after.
Does that make sense?
I hope so.
Previously on The U.C.: Roman Reigns was Sasha's Knight in Shining Body Armor, running in to the rescue after someone in the writer's room woke up and realized that they'd better make Rusev into a bad guy if they want the audience to cheer for Roman Reigns. Unfortunately, because it's the Raw writer's room, they did it in the laziest way possible, completely belying the entirety of Rusev's current character arc.
But who cares? Gotta make Roman look good by comparison, right?
"I'll bet we can even make the Denver crowd boo a dog!" - WWE Creative
More on that in a bit, but first ...
So Seth Rollins has almost fully completed his babyface turn at this point. You can tell because he's started calling people names.
This is what babyfaces do under Vince McMahon. They act like dicks to the heels, often times without provocation and certainly while never getting a true comeuppance.
Vince-written babyfaces are basically playing Bugs Bunny.
Watch this classic Looney Tunes episode and tell me that's not what Seth Rollins is trying to emulate:
We can't let Seth get away with this stuff, just because we like him. We'd never let Roman get away with something like this.
Everyone remembers the horrible, cringe-worthy Roman "Tator Tots" promo from his feud with Sheamus late last year.
If you don't remember it, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. It made me physically retch. Basically, because Sheamus is Irish, he doesn't have "Grapefruits", he has "Potatoes," but because he's "less of a man" than Roman, his "Potatoes" are small. They're "Tater Tots." Get it? I hope so, because that's the whole joke. That's it.
I know. Hilarious.
But for some reason, Roman got the crowd to chant Tater Tots at Sheamus for like the next three weeks or something.
This promo (which isn't available on YouTube for whatever reason) is basically the same thing. Seth calls Chris Jericho "Sparkle Crotch" on account of his trunks being bedazzled or whatever, and because it's Seth and not Roman, the crowd starts chanting "Sparkle Crotch" at Jericho for the rest of the night. A hashtag surfaces on social media, #SparkleCrotch, and it starts trending worldwide, because of course it does.
The WWE crowd is so tethered to traditional face/heel dynamics that I'll bet we could get them to boo the concept of a heel having a mother and loving her very much.
But we'll get to that ...
So the real big development here is that Chris is so convinced that he can beat Rollins on his own, he dismisses KO to the back.
Of course, though, Owens comes out and causes a distraction, first to Seth, and then to Y2J, ultimately costing him the match.
I mean, not really. Jericho should have totally won. Nothing Owens did really had any effect.
But also of course, Jericho blamed Kevin for the loss and they got into it backstage.
Jericho almost calls Owens a "Stupid Idiot," which I think we can all agree, would be a bridge too far.
Some words, when spoken, can't be taken back, Chris.
As the argument continues, Stephanie interrupts and removes both men's testicles, making the whole thing about her, because some things never change: "How dare you fight with each other? Don't you know that my brother Shane McMahon has challenged me to 3 Survivor Series matches? I need my generals on the same page!"
Of course, then she flip-flops entirely and over-praises Mick for making a match for next week's Raw that would pit KO and Y2J against each other as part of a triple threat also featuring Seth Rollins.
So which is it, Steph? I mean either you want Team Chris and Kevin to remain friends, or you're happy about Mick Foley making a match that forces them to come to blows.
You can't have it both ways.