Tonight, Kevin Owens takes over.And I, for one, am literally INCAPABLE of waiting.
Will HHH be there?What does Seth Rollins have to say?Did Steph really not know that was going to happen?Where does Braun Strowman fit into all of this?
Those questions, and more, will all be answered, tonight, on RAW!
(so excited, you guys)
We start with a great "Earlier Tonight" backstage segment between Mick Foley and Stephanie McMahon. They're both shook by this whole HHH surprise return thing.
Mick runs her down, reminding her that he's known her since she was a "little girl with a shy smile" and he demands that she tell him why he should believe she knew nothing about her husband coming back.
She says because she was embarrassed by the whole thing, and she tells Mick to look in her eyes and tell her that he thinks she's lying.
He says no, I have to believe you're telling the truth, because "otherwise, you're a really good liar, and a really bad person."
Mick and Steph are in the ring, balloons being dropped from the ceiling, a red carpet in the ring, pyro on the stage as Owens comes down.
He destroys the crowd for chanting "You Deserve It" last week, saying they were trying to make it about them. But it was his moment, his time, just like tonight is his moment, his time. It's the Kevin Owens Show.
Seth Rollins's music hits and he comes out.
Kevin Owens gets in his face, and Seth says "This isn't about you so shut up."
Rollins yells at Stephanie "How could you do this to me?"
Owens says yeah it is about me.
Rollins says Owens is a puppet.
Rollins says that Owens has had his hand held since he got to NXT, that he was always Hunter's guy.
Owens objects, Rollins attacks him.
Stephanie says he's suspended.
Mick says NO HE'S NOT.
Mick says we don't hand out suspensions, we hand out rematches.
He makes the match Owens vs Rollins at Clash of Champions.
Again, LITERALLY INCAPABLE OF WAITING.
Mick and Steph arguing about who usurped who, then Kevin Owens interrupts and runs his mouth until Mick Foley makes a match for him against Sami Zayn tonight.
Chris Jericho says "how dare you do that to my best friend?" Mick makes a match for Jericho against Seth Rollins tonight.
Dana is ringside with a clipboard taking notes.
I do not know why.
And yes, I did see the video from the pre-show, but I still do not know why this is a thing.
Charlotte toying with Bayley for a while, until the Hugger fights back with some arm drags.
That comeback is short-lived as Charlotte catches her with a knee to the midsection.
Charlotte bashes Bayley's head against the top turnbuckle, and Bayley hulks up, reversing it into head bashing of her own.
Charlotte rolls to the outside and Bayley follows, tries her cutting the corner dropkick, but gets hung up.
It looks really bad.
Are main roster rings higher than NXT ones? Because that was bad.
Charlotte takes control with a forearm smash as we go to commercial.
Back from the break and Charlotte is firmly in the driver's seat. Headscissor submission for a bit, then a running crossbody by Bayley, but when Bayley goes up top but Charlotte attacks Bayley's (kayfabe) injured leg.
Charlotte gets Bayley in the single leg crab, but Bayley fights out. Charlotte keeps attacking that leg, Bayley gets a nearfall with a surprise roll-up.
Bayley able to get the second rope back elbow, but lands bad on the injured leg.
She keeps coming at Charlotte, but Dana pulls the champ out of harm's way, earning a kick from Bayley as retribution.
Distracted, Bayley gets the O'Connor Roll from Charlotte, but kicks out hard, sending Charlotte into the ropes, where she accidentally punches Dana.
Charlotte stands up and turns around right into a Bayley to Belly.
"Oh my goodness, Bayley has pinned the Women's Champion!"
You'd think Michael Cole would stop being so surprised by this angle, considering he's seen it approximately ONE BILLION TIMES.
Backstage Segment with Charlotte Shrieking at Dana
Dana knows she effed up, and she wants another chance.
Charlotte slaps her.
Bo Dallas comes out with what looks like an Election sign. It says BO-LIEVE in BO.
He gets in the ring and says something that rhymes to some Jamoke.
He then drops the mic.
He then drops the Jamoke.
Like Bo Dallas DEMOLISHES this poor guy.
He's got a new finisher, too. Like a reverse Cross Rhodes.
Get drunk at an airport, sing The Circle of Life, and get held off a flight to Mexico, get arrested ... get a push?
We start with Rollins full of righteous fury, abusing Jericho, knocking him all over the place.
He's definitely still wrestling heel though, talking trash, slapping Jericho in the head.
Jericho is being beaten outside the ring, gets rolled back in, and as Rollins is tied up with the ref while standing on the apron, Jericho nails that springboard dropkick thing of his.
AKA PEE BREAK.
Back from the break and Jericho is in control.
Rollins hits a drop toe hold or something, and Jericho goes face first into the bottom turnbuckle.
Rollins hits a sling blade. Rollins hits a BUFF BLOCKBUSTER. Two Count.
Rollins goes for his jumping knee from the top rope, his leg caught by Jericho, into the Walls of Jericho. Rollins gets to the ropes.
Jericho stomping Rollins, Rollins up, hits an Enzuigiri, hits a standing side kick, TWO COUNT.
Rollins goes top rope but is interrupted by Jericho, reverses a Superplex into a Facebuster.
Cole actually says "SO MUCH AT STAKE HERE!" Like what, exactly?
Seth tries a Frog Splash, no water in the pool.
Jericho hits a LionSault. Two Count.
Jericho goes for the Codebreaker, but it's blocked by Rollins. Seth misses a roundhouse, gets nailed by an Enzuigiri.
Jericho goes for a Clothesline, its reversed into a Pedigree by Rollins.
Guess he's still using that, huh?
Hey everybody, I'm going to eat some dinner now.
Because no matter who wins, it doesn't matter.
I'm back. What'd I miss?
Oh, just the introductions and some picture in picture promos that told us nothing, and Sheamus working the injured lower back of Cesaro?
That's what I thought.
Cesaro is wearing that joint tape all over his lower back which is not how joint tape works.
Celtic Cross into Backbreaker from Sheamus, followed by a Brogue Kick.
Well that was quick.
Apparently match number four is taking place at a house show in London on Wednesday, so that's a thing.
Cesaro will win that one somehow, but we won't be able to see it?
Enzo & Cass interrupt the Shining Stars.
Enzo doesn't know that Puerto Rico is actually part of the USA.(Neither does Vince.)
Enzo does a promo about Labor Day, except it's actually about going into Labor.
Like when you're giving birth.
It's a joke.
I don't know, man.
I think I'm kind of over Enzo & Cass.
Enzo is in peril.
He makes the hot tag to Cass.
Cass does his stuff, Empire Elbow, Stinger Splash, Big Boot, etc.
Then he's gonna throw Enzo at the ground with a guy in the way.
A new wrinkle, Epico grabs Cass's leg which makes him unable to use his arms apparently.
So Cass gets out of the ring to chase Epico, the ref stops Cass for some reason, Enzo his a crossbody on Primo, Epico rolls him up.
Fistful of tights.
Hey, The Shining Stars did pick up a win against the Golden Truth on Superstars last week, so maybe they're getting a heel push?
I hope not.
Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens Backstage Interview Segment
Guess that Battleground match wasn't the end of it after all.
Ann fares better than Nia Jax's usual opponents, which unfortunately isn't saying much.
This was awful.
If you didn't see it, you're better off.
G&A brought out the New Day from the future, "The Old Day."
That pun about their name is the funniest thing about these interminable ten minutes.
The New Day interrupts, G&A run away and The New Day beat up three actors playing old versions of themselves.
This was the DIRT WORST.
Titus O'Neil is on commentary. Oh Joy.
Darren Young wins quickly with the Gut Check.
Titus comes down to ringside to intimidate Bob Backlund, gets attacked from behind by Darren, beaten down at ringside.
Both of these men are bad people, I refuse to cheer for either of them.
Mission Accomplished, WWE.___________________________________________________________________
Backstage Segment with Nia Jax and Alicia Fox.
So I should have mentioned that the human sacrifice to the goddess Nia Jax is a close friend of Alicia Fox.
Nia Jax shows up to talk trash, Alicia Fox goes APOPLECTIC, she tears apart the catering table, throws a BOX OF DONUTS at her face. Nia Jax walks away in a huff, Foxy continues being a crazy person.
THIS WAS AMAZING.
Sin Cara gets a few shots in, but it only makes Strowman angry.
For example, on the outside, Sin Cara hits a dropkick off the ring steps, which staggers Braun.
Sin Cara gets in the ring, but Braun just grabs his legs and drags him out, swinging him into the barricade.
Braun gets back in.
After the match, Strowman clotheslines Sin Cara in the back of the head.
Please God, No.
"Every journey has an end."
My god, please god, no.
She's running through the history of women's matches in the WWE.
"This women's revolution is all of us."
Holy god, no.
"Every time I step in this ring, I do it for every little girl."
"Every time I'm in this ring, it means everything to me."
"At Summerslam, I was pushed beyond my limits. I met with the doctors, and I got some bad news."
Dana Brooke comes out.
Oh thank god, Sasha's not actually hurt.
She puts Dana Brooke in the Banks Statement, says the Bad News was for Charlotte.
"At Clash of Champions, that title is coming back to me."
Oh thank god, she's okay.
But on the other hand, HOW DARE YOU PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS, SASHA?!?!?!?
It starts like you think it would, PUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCH.
Owens takes control, though, until Zayn hits his moonsault off the barricade thingy.
After these messages, we'll be right back.
Back from the break, and Owens has taken control with a Superkick and a big running senton.
He slaps Sami, tries again Sami ducks it and slaps him back.
Owens rushes Sami, Sami pulls down the rope, Owens goes over, Zayn hits his Tope Con Hiro. Rolls Owens back in, Owens continues rolling to the other side, Zayn hits the same Tope to the other side. Back on the inside, a Blue Thunder Bomb for two.
Sami is elbowed to into the corner, Owens goes for his corner cannonball, gets caught in an Exploder, but rolls out to avoid the the Helluva Kick. After a series of reversals on the apron, Owens hits the corner cannonball, but the Pop-Up Powerbomb winds up being countered into a Half-Nelson Suplex.
Zayn lands bad on his kayfabe injured ankle, rolls to the outside.
Owens goes for the apron Powerbomb, but it's countered the same way, into a half nelson Suplex on the floor.
Zayn rolls Owens into the ring.
He's running across the ring for the Helluva Kick and his leg gives out.
Owens powerbombs him for the 1-2-3.
Roman Reigns' music hits.
He and Kevin have a stare down in the ring.
Kevin calmly exits to ringside.
Jericho comes down the ramp.
Mick Foley's music hits.
He says that Roman will face Kevin next week on Raw, and if he wins, that C of C Universal Title Match will become a Triple Threat.
Jericho tries to ambush Reigns, but he gets a Spear.
So basically they're running the Rollins vs Reigns thing from last year, with Owens as Rollins, Reigns as Reigns, and Jericho as J&J Security?
New Boss. Same as the Old Boss.
View the discussion thread.