You want AEW Power Rankings where a losing record doesn't put you in the top five? You've come to the right spot. Welcome to the official AEW Power Rankings (only on Fightful).
Here's how it works; I rank anything and everything from the past week of AEW Dynamite, giving what I liked a low number and what I didn't like a higher number. The numbers are fairly arbitrary, but an explanation accompanies each ranking. Because AEW won't use the same talent every week, you won't see the same people, places, or things ranked every week. If you don't see something ranked, feel free to ask me on social media (@jeremylambert88) where it would fall. I will use a random number generator and reply ASAP.
AEW Power Rankings - Week Nine
On a great episode of AEW Dynamite, nothing was better than the Dark Order video package. For weeks, I have criticized AEW for the presentation of The Dark Order. Why is one guy named Stewart? Why is he using elastic bands backstage when he should be in a secret lair? Is there an Evil Two? I had many questions and no answer. And now, I have an answer. They are a cult. A Tom Cruise-loving cult. I'm 100% behind this idea and am ready to join Dark Order.
2. Jon Moxley
While he didn't murder Darby Allin, he did put him in a body bag and attempted to murder him with the avalanche Paradigm Shift. Part of me believes Moxley didn't want to murder Allin because he prefers torturing him first. He's a sick man.
3. Darby Allin's Suicide Dive
There are a lot of cool moves on AEW Dynamite. No move is cooler than Darby's suicide dive.
4. Hikaru Shida
Clean win over the dentist who will now be seeing a doctor.
This man is an absolute star. He needs to drop his geek brother (more on him later) and dominate AEW by himself.
Another outstanding promo by the GOAT. We are blessed to have him in our lives thanks to Soultrain Jones.
9. Big Show Billy Gunn
The AEW roster is so small, Billy Gunn got to play The Big Show role. It was awesome and Billy Gunn should be the AEW World Champion. He fits the mold of all previous AEW World Champions.
10. Orange Cassidy
16. Star Wars
Jericho references Baby Yoda. SCU uses Jedi Mind Tricks. Someone bought Disney+ subscriptions for the entire company. Or there is a lot of password sharing going on.
19. Avalanche Paradigm Shift
Will now be renamed Attempted Murder.
He made Jake Hager back off because despite his MMA experience, Hager has never had an opponent take a proper fighting stance.
25. MJF & Hangman Page
At least on this day, MJF is not better than you. If "you" is Hangman Page. Or anyone ranked higher than 25th.
30. Private Party
They get docked for needing help. But still a big win against Santana & Ortiz. A lot of parity in the AEW tag team division.
32. Melanie Parsons
She has a butt that Scorpio Sky likes and she's about to go on a date with a television star. Not bad for someone who peaked in high school.
36. Britt Baker
Do you think she gets a discount at the doctors because she's a dentist? Like some sort of medical trade. "I'll give you one free cleaning and future cavity considerations in exchange for a free casting and nose alignment." I'm pretty sure that's how the medical field works.
41. Sammy Guevara's Vlog Next Week
50. Nick Jackson
Call it a wash for Nick. He lost to Fenix, but he helped Private Party. I know wins and losses should matter more than friends, but what good are wins and losses if you don't make any friends along the way?
54. Battle Royale
What a mess this was. Interference, non-eliminations, distractions, Shawn Spears. AEW needs to take a break from battle royals. Do some multi-person tag team matches in the name of brand supremacy. Each wrestler is their own brand.
55. Kenny Omega
Do you even lift, bro?
73. Pentagon Jr
What a geek. First, how come their gear keeps getting stolen. I can't blame Fenix for losing his spare mask. He had a match. Why wasn't Pentagon watching his brother's back-up mask? Pentagon has had his gear stolen twice over the last year. This is obviously on him. Second, why did he wait until Daniels said "hit me" to throw a punch? Either hit him immediately when he unmasks or kick him in the balls. Cero Sentido.
90. Cutters And Superkicks
100. Not Aubrey Edwards
She's great. These other referees, though? Jim Ross needs to sit them down and yell at them for an hour. And if that doesn't get the message across, Tony Khan should call them out on Twitter.
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