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Welp, the story of this match is that Alicia Fox tried very hard.
Nia stalls for time with a half-nelson chokehold even though at any any time she could just throw her into the sun.
Alicia mounts a comeback, then hits a flying crossbody from the top rope for a One Count.
Scissors Kick by Alicia for a Two Count.
Nia just runs straight into Alicia like three times in a row, in three different locations around the ring, then hits a Samoan Drop.
New Day come out first, and do some shtick, mild by their standards.
Seems like it'd be a mistake to do a title change here, give the belts to Guns & Gallows right at the start and get the crowd in a bad mood so early in the night.
But what do I know?
Gallows hits a Big Boot on Big E on the outside immediately, then Xavier Woods, as Anderson wrecks shop on Kofi on the inside.
Now with Kofi alone in the ring, the Club members take turns beating on him.
With no one around to break up the pin, it begs explanation why they don't just go for the Magic Killer.
Anyway, Kofi gets away, tags Big E, who Belly to Bellies everything in sight, then hits his running big splash on Anderson for a two count.
Anderson rolls to the apron, Big E tries for his spear through the ropes, gets a knee to the face from Anderson.
Then a Rocket Kick to the Mush, and a Boot of Doom double team.
Kofi makes the save.
Big E is able to make the tag, but jumps off the top rope right into a Spine Buster.
Kofi is able to tag in Big E, who nails Anderson with the Big Ending.
Kofi hits a Tope onto Gallows, Woods hits Anderson with the Trombone.
Midnight Hour Double Team on Anderson by Big E and Kofi.
Told you so.
Kendrick's new music starts with "I'm the Man with a Plan" which is great, but not as great as TJP's new SEGA GENESIS ENTRANCE!!!!
I LOVE IT.
The music sounds like something out of Double Dragon.
Kendrick refuses to shake hands.
TJP is wrestling circles around Kendrick, who is just going for the "rush him!" style of offense.
Kendrick ties TJP up in the ring apron banner, beats on him for a while.
Back in the ring, TJP is able to put Kendrick in a Muta Lock, but Kendrick gets to the ropes.(Kendrick broke a Knee Bar in the same way earlier.)
Kendrick tossed TJP over the top rope awkwardly, and TJP's head bounced off the top rope.
Kendrick locks in a straightjacket choke for a while, TJP escapes, Kendrick hits a monkey flip out of the corner, two count.
TJP gets out of another StraightJacket with a flipping Mule Kick.
Couple of TJP botchy moves (not terrible but noticeable), followed by Eddie Guerrero's triple suplexes.
Perkins up top, Kendrick standing by the ropes, Perkins kind of botches a Hurricanrana to the outside.
Both men back inside, Perkins goes for the 450, misses, Kendrick tries for the Captain's Hook choke (this is exactly the finish of Kendrick's match with Tony Nese in the CWC) but Perkins blocks it and reverses it into the KneeBar.
Kendrick gets out of it, tries for the Captain's Hook again, Perkins blocks it again, hits the Benadryller, then locks in the KneeBar one last time.
Kendrick has to tap.
After the match, Kendrick interrupts a TJP interview with a handshake, a hug, and a headbutt.
Kendrick remaining a desperate heel is good for the whole division.
Whoops. Sorry. Wrong match.
This should be good.
Back and forth to start, then Cesaro takes over with a Seated Senton off the apron to the outside and an uppercut against the barricade.
Back in the ring, Sheamus crotches Cesaro on the top rope and starts to work over the lower back region of Cesaro.
Lots of backbreaker variations, and body slams. Oh, the body slams.
Sheamus gets Cesaro up for the Celtic Cross but Cesaro rolls through for a two-count.
Sheamus continues the beating, until Cesaro sides steps a charge and uppercuts Sheamus in the back of the head.
Cesaro nails a Tornado DDT for two, then drop toe holds Sheamus into the ropes and hits a perfect 6-1-9. (!)
He nails a Crossbody from the top rope for two, then tries the Big Swing but it's countered into a roll-up with a fistful of tights.
Sheamus hits three Irish Curse Backbreakers in a row, then locks in the Cloverleaf.
Cesaro rolls through to a pinning predicament, two count.
Celtic Cross backbreaker. Two Count.
Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Cesaro LIMBOS UNDER IT.
Big Swing, Sharpshooter, Sheamus makes it to the ropes.
Cesaro goes for the big vertical suplex, outside to inside, but can't.
Sheamus tries for the White Noise on the apron, but Cesaro escapes.
He tries for a Suicide Dive, hits it kind of, but almost dies when he lands on the top of his head.
Back inside, Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick.
Cesaro hits the Neutralizer.
Back and forth.
Cesaro on the floor, Sheamus on the top rope. He jumps off and gets SHO-RYU-KEN'D OUT OF THE SKY.
WHITE NOISE ON THE FLOOR.
CESARO LARIATS BOTH MEN OVER THE BARRICADE.
Doctors checking on both men.
Double Count Out?
Referee seems to be stopping the match on doctor's orders.
Both men definitely want to continue.
Cesaro in the ring, yelling at Sheamus, who is being physically dragged to the back by half-a-dozen men.
Whatever happened, its a non-finish.
Best of 9?
This match was great, but I do not need to see another one.
Sami is impetous. Y2J is experienced.
Sami is energetic. Y2J takes short cuts.
That is the story for the first couple minutes of this match.
Probably the story of their entire characters, to be honest.
Jericho on the outside, Sami hits a big clothesline.
Sami on the apron, Jericho hiding behind the Ref who's standing by the ropes. Sprinboard dropkick by Jericho.
And Jericho is firmly in control. Every minor Sami comeback is thwarted by quick thinking and underhanded tactics.
Sami gets tossed into the corner tries a double mule kick, but Jericho grabs his ankles, tosses one of them over the ropes, crotches him, kicks him to the outside.
Suplex on the floor, then back in the ring for a trip to Chinlock City.
Jericho goes for a bulldog, misses, lands straddling the middle turnbuckle.
And Sami is in control now, hitting a clothesline, then his Tope con Hilo to the outside.
Big Crossbody off the top rope by Zayn. Two count.
Michinoku Driver. Two Count.
Sami goes top rope, Jericho follows, tries for a superplex, blocked by Sami. Facebuster.
Now Jericho in control, now Zayn.
Tightrope. Tornado DDT.
Jericho in the corner, Zayn goes for the Helluva, but Jericho rolls to the outside.
Zayn does his corner cut Tornado DDT on the floor.
Back inside, Helluva Kick missed.
Three moves later, Sami is caught in the Walls of Jericho, he tries for the ropes, can't reach.Rolls under Jerichos legs, Small Package. Two Count.
BLUE THUNDER BOMB. TWO COUNT.
Jericho plays possum, HITS A CODEBREAKER!
aka Please don't die.
Sasha goes right after Charlotte, they brawl to the outside and Bayley takes advantage with a wrecking ball dropkick, then rolls Charlotte inside for a La Majistral Cradle.
Sasha gets involved, and with Charlotte taking a break on the outside, Sasha and Bayley have words.
There's a cool stand-off between all three women. Charlotte taking out Sasha and working her over, Bayley back into it, hits a springboard elbow on Charlote in the tree of woe.
Dana pulls Bayley off the apron, throws her into the apron. No Disqualification, remember.
Sasha getting her back stomped and worked over by Charlotte, Bayley trying to get back into the fray, being stopped in her tracks each time by Charlotte.
Sasha battling back with forearms and running flying clotheslines.
Bayley catches both of her opponents off guard with a big crossbody off the top rope.
Then hitting elbows and shoulderblocks to the other girls in corners across from each other.
Sasha sidesteps one of those, puts Bayley in position for her corner double knees, then Charlotte as well, does it to both of them.
Then jumping double knees off the apron onto Bayley on the outside.
Sasha vs Charlotte for a while, until Bayley hits a surprise Bayley to Belly on Charlotte, goes for the pin, broken up by Sasha.Sasha rolls up Bayley, broken up by Charlotte.
Charlotte and Sasha for a while after Bayley eats a turnbuckle. Sasha with rapid-fire slaps to Charlotte, then has a suplex reversed by Charlotte into a facebuster.
CHARLOTTE MOONSAULTS ONTO BOTH WOMEN.
Two Count on Sasha.
Two Count on Bayley.
A few moves later, Sasha has Charlotte in the Banks Statement, but Dana pulls Charlotte out of the ring.
Sasha and Bayley trade roll-up attempts.
A few moves later, Sasha gets Charlotte in the Banks Statement again, but Charlotte gets out of it.
Bayley takes two big boots from Charlotte, the first one knocking Sasha off the apron to the floor, and the second one knocking Bayley out cold.
So I guess Charlotte's finisher is the big boot now?
Billie Kay's going to be upset.
Also, Alicia Fox's is much better.
Whatever. Good match anyway.
Before the match, they recap the story of this rivalry.
They're still trying to present Roman Reigns as the babyface even though he's nothing but a DIRTY FILTHY WEDDING CRASHER.
Roman Reigns (the character, not the wrestler) is THE DIRT WORST.
He is wearing an orange-detailed version of his illegal body armor.
The match starts more civil than their tilt back at Summerslam.
Back and forth, feeling each other out, until Rusev hits his spinning heel kick off the Irish Whip, and now the Bulgarian Brute is in the driver's seat.
Stomping and big strikes and choking him on the bottom rope.
Reigns fights back, hitting some big clotheslines of his own, then missing one and getting sent shoulder first into the ring post.
Roman keeps on the offensive those, chasing Rusev around the ring, but Rusev reverses an Irish Whip into the steel steps.Then sends Roman into the other steps.
Back in the ring, rest hold, Rusev stops a comeback with a couple shots to the ribs and a running diving headbutt.
Rusev hits a dropkick, then misses a senton, which leads to Roman hitting a Samoan Drop.
Reigns does his clotheslines in the corner, then throws him to the outside, where he he tosses Rusev into the barricade then the steel steps.
Back in the ring, Roman Reigns sets up for the Superman Punch, but before he attempts it, he winks at Lana.
He goes for it, gets kicked in the ribs. He fights back, gets kicked in the head.
Rusev goes for the Brute Kick to set up the Accolade, but get Superman Punched instead.
Roman psychs himself up, Lana gets on the apron, Rusev Brute Kicks him.
For some reason, Rusev complains to the ref before going for the Accolade.
Reigns avoids it, hits the Spear.
LANA PULLS THE REF OUT OF THE RING.
THE REF EJECTS LANA.
I wonder how this is gonna end.
Rusev gets tossed the outside, Drive By Kicked Twice.
Reigns goes for the Spear again, gets kicked in the forehead.
Rusev locks in the Accolade.
Roman Reigns stand up with Rusev on his back.
Rusev rakes the eyes.
Doesn't matter though. Because Roman Reigns.
And the world is dark and full of sadness.
You'll have to forgive me, I am so irrationally angered by the result of the last match, so preoccupied by the details of THAT TRAVESTY OF A SHAM OF A MOCKERY, that my coverage of this match can't help but suffer.
I will try to focus, but I can't make any promises.
To start the match, Kevin Owens plays cowardly heel champ, rolling to the outside, and Rollins punishes him for such yellow-bellied affrontery.
He hits his babyface high spots, the Knee to the Temple of the apron, then Buff Blockbuster.
I CAN'T F*#$(#*$CIKING BELIEVE ROMAN WON.
Owens fights back, targeting Rollins surgically repaired knee and throwing Seth into the barricades on the outside.
Rollins is no-selling a few of Owens' strikes, JUST LIKE ROMAN F^^[email protected]*#&^#$CKING NO-SOLD THE F*&^(*&[email protected]^(@#)@CKING ACCOLADE.
But Owens keeps on the offensive, taunting Seth and working over the knee.
He back-body drops Seth over the ropes to the outside, Seth landing bad on the bad knee.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S ALSO BAD? THE DECISION TO LET ROMAN WIN.
Owens hits a Macho Man style elbow off the apron to Seth on the floor.
YOU KNOW WHO THINKING HE'S A "MACHO MAN"? ROMAN [email protected]*&@^#(*&$(*CKING REIGNS.BUT HE'S NOT. HE'S A JERK, THAT'S WHAT HE IS.
(There, I think I got it out of my system.)
Back inside, Kevin Owens puts Rollins in a chinlock, screaming at him and beating him down.
Owens is throwing Rollins hard into the corners, but Rollins bounces back off of one of them to hit a clothesline.
The pace quickening now, Rollins hits a Slingblade, then some running forearms into the corner, followed by a modified Flatliner into the second turnbuckle.
A modified backdrop-into back breaker by Seth.
Seth throws Owens to the outside, tosses him into the barricade.
Rollins preps the Spanish Announce table for ... something later, I presume, because Owens is back in the ring now, and Rollins chases him, hits a sidekick to kneeling KO's face.
Rollins goes for the Pedigree, but Owens back body drops him, Seth lands on his feet.
He rushes Owens in the corner, but KO sidesteps and Rollins winds up standing on the second turnbuckle, Owens kicks the knee.
Cannonball from Owens.
Strikes back and forth, with a Rollins Enzuigiri finishing the sequence.
Both men laid out for a while, in separate corners.
Owens misses a Cannonball, Rollins misses a Springboard Knee Strike, Owens hits a Package Neckbreaker over his knee.
Owens top rope, Rollins follows to meet him. Rollins headbutted down, but comes right back up.
AVALANCHE FIREMAN'S CARRY GUT BUSTER BY KO TO ROLLINS.
BULL FROG SPLASH BY OWENS.
Owens beating on Rollins now, to the outside, places him on the Spanish announce table.
He gets on the German(?) announce table, gives the "Suck It" to the ref, then Rollins, tries for the Senton from Table to Table, but Rollins moves.
OWENS GOES THROUGH THE TABLE.
Rollins rolls Owens in. Top Rope Jumping Knee Strike, Frog Splash.
Jericho runs down (wearing a "Kevin Owens Show" T-Shirt), he gets involved.
Rollins rolls up Owens, two count.
Owens hits a Package Bomb. Two Count.
Rollins hits a Pedigree (after doing the "Suck It" to Owens).
JERICHO PUTS OWENS FOOT ON THE ROPE.
Owens goes for the Pop-Up Powerbomb, Rollins leapfrogs the powerbomb, hits the ref.
Ref Bump Alert.
Rollins hits a pedigree.
No ref to count it.
After more shenanigans with Jericho, Steph sends out a new ref, Rollins turns around right into a Pop-Up Powerbomb.
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