ROWDY AND STUFF

  • Ronda Rousey comes out, takes the mic and says "you're welcome" to women main eventing WrestleMania and drops the mic.
  • She picks the mic back up and says she'll tap out Charlotte and Becky Lynch at the same time, then drops the mic.
  • She picks it back up again and calls a Beat The Clock challenge a "BS gimmick."
  • Becky Lynch comes out (after the Riott Squad) and says that she makes Rousey better, and nobody cared about her WWE run until "The Man Came Along."
  • Charlotte Flair is up next.

Beat the Clock
Ronda Rousey beats Sarah Logan (w/ Riott Squad) via submission 1:25

  • Sarah Logan hits the bricks and runs around the ring for about 30 seconds. Riott Squad help her out.
  • Logan applies a modified toe hold, but Rousey hangs over the ropes with a triangle.
  • Armbar, tap.

Charlotte Flair vs. Ruby Riott (w/ Riott Squad)

  • Riott keeps countering everything of Charlotte's. A big boot, Natural Selection, all thwarted.
  • Riott is in control until Charlotte applies a Figure Eight out of a Riott kick. Ruby holds off tapping.

Becky Lynch pinned Liv Morgan in 1:18(w/ Riott Squad)

  • Charlotte boots Becky as soon as she hits the ring.
  • Liv Morgan jumps all over Becky Lynch.
  • Lynch fights back with tough strikes, but gets sent into the turnbuckle.
  • Lynch rolls up Liv and gets the win with seven seconds to spare.
  • At least they saved Ruby Riott -- kind of.

Finn Balor defeated Jinder Mahal & Bobby Lashley (w/ Singh Bros. & Lio Rush)
5/10

  • The numbers game quickly gets to Balor before the break.
  • Balor sends Jinder into Lashley and cleans house.
  • Balor flips out onto the pile and finishes off Mahal to get the win. He's going to Mania. We need that match, eh? Okay.
  • Lashley beats up the Singh Bros. and Jinder Mahal.
  • Okey dokey. Are we supposed to care about these matches at WrestleMania if we've seen them end in three minutes on Raw 10 times before?

Backstage Crappenings

  • Elias is singing in Time Square and scolds a guy who approaches him and starts singing. There are a few more of these, with Elias being tipped poorly and someone stealing his stuff.

Aleister Black & Ricochet defeated The Revival
5.75/10

  • You've seen this match before. Ricochet moonsaults outside, the Revival cheats, Meteora outside. Black does his feint. You know.
  • It picks up after the commercial, as Revival does a double team suplex.
  • Ricochet fires back with a dropkick that plants Dawson, and a neckbreaker I didn't see because of a zoom.
  • Hey @WWE I'll pay $30/month if you add episodes of your shows without weird zooms to it.
  • Dawson PLANTS Black with a huge DDT. The pin is broken up, I like that it wasn't a kickout.
  • Double Black Mass, 630, win. This ended up being really good.
  • Revival has Rome still announce them as tag team champions.

WrestleMANIAAAAAA

  • Drew McIntyre is out for an answer to his challenge. He shows a video from last week.
  • Drew says he exterminated Dean Ambrose.
  • Roman Reigns comes out and accepts the challenge.
  • Reigns attacks Drew for talking about his family.
  • Drew hits Roman right in the ballsack and hits a Claymore.

Sasha Banks (w/ Bayley) vs. Natalya (w/ Beth Phoenix)
5.75/10

  • Corey Graves compares Sasha Banks to Whitey Bulger.
  • Natalya finds success with a surfboard, but can't lock in the Sharpshooter.
  • Sasha does a nice merry-go-round rana outside before cracking her with a knee.
  • We come back from a commercial to see Natalya doing a Canadian backbreaker.
  • There's a nice Banks Statement into a Sharpshooter counter, then Natalya gets sent into the turnbuckle.
  • Nia Jax and Tamina run in and attack everyone. Beth Phoenix hits Tamina with the Glam Slam. I would have picked someone else to do this to, and would eliminate the hesitation in it.
  • This match would have hit recommended viewing if most of it wasn't during a commercial and had a real finish, but a fun one either way.
  • Natalya stays in the ring with Beth Phoenix during the Hart Foundation video.
  • Sasha Banks says they'll take on all of those teams at WrestleMania.

Moment of Bliss

  • Alexa takes credit for WrestleMania doing so much better.
  • She brings out Braun Strowman and asks about Michael Che and Colin Jost.
  • They're on screen on the set of SNL. Jost puts on a Yankees hat (Raw is in Boston).
  • Che pleads with Braun, and Jost says he'll teach Braun how to chew food and do his taxes and claims Braun is 5-11, 180.
  • Jost wants Braun to pay him back for his car and get an autograph from Lesnar.
  • I cant WAIT for all of the PHYSICALLLYYYY memes.
  • Braun Strowman tells Jost to enter the battle royal, and Che agrees. Jost says Che's in it too.
  • Alexa Bliss trolls Che and Jost, then makes it official.
  • I'm not sure why I enjoyed that segment, but for some reason I did. I accept your judgmental comments

Baron Corbin defeated Apollo Crews
5.75/10

  • Apollo dances circles around Corbin.
  • Renee Young butchers some commentary here. "I couldn't hear it over that perfectly dropkick."
  • Crews gets posted with authority. Corbin then does an awesome inverted Yokosuka Cutter- like a ripcord back suplex.
  • Crews comes back and gets a frog splash. He eats an End of Days off the ropes.
  • This was really good, but it was short. Another End of Days after the match.
  • When he's not bringing the action to a screeching half with a half nelson crossface.

Thoughts and PRAYERS

  • Seth Rollins cuts another ra-ra promo about Brock Lesnar.
  • He sounds like a politician honestly. This is like a bad movie promo where the leader sends a legion of followers into battle.
  • Paul Heyman comes out and trolls millennial Rollins, saying he needs thoughts & prayers because Rollins doesn't have a thought or prayer to win.
  • Crossfit Jesus says he's there to answer prayers, not ask for them. Good line.
  • Rollins drops the mic on Heyman.

Kurt Angle defeated Samoa Joe
5.25/10

  • WWE has really took a crapski all over the brand split the last few months. And by the way, no, it's not ending.
  • Kurt Angle thanks Samoa Joe for coming over to Raw to face him. Baron Corbin shows up and says the crowd cheers Kurt because they feel bad for him. This is clearly Corbin reading off a script and it's rough.
  • Samoa Joe is amazing. He references the memories between the two and says he forgot the bouquet of flowers.
  • I loved the callback to their TNA days with a headbutt to start off the match. That was great.
  • Joe hits a suicide dive before the break.
  • Angle connects with the rolling German suplexes. An Olympic Slam also hits, but Joe kicks out.
  • Angle does the saddest damn missile dropkick from the second rope I've ever seen. He's slow as hell.
  • Joe catches Angle in a choke, but Angle rolls him up for the pin.
  • Why is Angle retiring if he's still beating everyone?

LEVESQUE

  • Paul Levesque cutting a promo.
  • He can't get an envelope out of his pocket and says "he's doing the job for an envelope." Yikes.
  • Triple H discusses Evolution. This is long and drawn out and a shitty promo.
  • HHH says Batista's agent had suggested in the past that WrestleMania be moved to accommodate Batista's shooting schedule.
  • Triple H has a letter saying that Batista won't compete at Mania unless (insert Spice Girls lyrics).
  • Batista wants a career vs. career match.
  • Triple H calls Batista a douchebag. OoOooOoOo.

Last Man Standing
Drew McIntyre defeated Dean Ambrose
5.75/10

  • Backstage, Dean Ambrose challenges Drew McIntyre to a Last Man Standing match tonight, which Drew accepts.
  • Ambrose eats barricade for an 8 count. He also gets slung into it before the commercial.
  • Back from the break, Ambrose gets a suicide dive, but walks into a Glasgow Kiss.
  • Ambrose misses Drew by a mile with a boot, but it's sold anyway.
  • Drew Rhyno 1999 Gores Ambrose through a table, then hits a Claymore.
  • That's it.

Rating guide

10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor

Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5.The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.

These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!

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