Samoa Joseph
- Samoa Joe is kicking off Raw with a microphone and he's livid at the idea that he would have done what happened to Roman Reigns.
- Joe has already done the best acting of this entire angle.
- MICHAEL COLE CITES AN INTERNET POLL. MY GOD.
- Joe has them run the footage again, and says there an awful lot of cameras, but there's no footage of him there.
- Joe plans on shutting down the show until he gets an apology.
- Joe gets interrupted by Becky Lynch's entrance music, so I get the feeling that he's not gonna beat her up.
Becky Lynch & Charlotte Flair defeated Natalya & Trish Stratus via DQ
4.5/10
- I love mixing up the babyfaces and heels for this tag team match.
- I'm not going to pretend this work is the fastest by any means, but the dynamic is really interesting.
- Natalya has worked the entire match about five minutes in and Charlotte and Becky don't want to work with each other.
- Charlotte relies on front kicks and boots a lot.
- It really seems like they've avoiding Trish working in this match at all costs.
- Becky tags Charlotte Flair hard, and Charlotte leaves.
- Sharpshooter applied and Becky gets to the ropes. Natalya won't release the hold. DQ.
- Trish pulls Natalya off, but gets pushed down.
Andrade (w/ Zelina) defeated Rey Mysterio
6.75/10
- Andrade lands a big backbreaker early, but the action spills outside for the commercial break.
- Rey Mysterio does a move that definitely isn't VINTAGE, but Graves covers for Cole. It's a baseball slide sunset flip powerbomb.
- Again, I never realized how badly I missed commercials during matches. Not necessarily that, but how much I don't miss the weird excuses not to.
- Rey is able to do the Code Red, and Andrade the back elbow.
- Anyone who does the dumb Del Rio stomp spot takes me out of their matches. Fortunately the double knees in the corner fix that.
- Mysterio connects with a Mexican Destroyer, lands the 619.
- Zelina distracts, allowing Andrade to get the knees up and a powerbomb.
- Zelina hangs Mysterio up and sets up for the Hammerlock DDT.
- Outside of the Del Rio stomp spot, that match was all kinds of awesome and the crowd loved it.
WWE 24/7 Championship
Mike Kanellis defeated Maria Kanellis (c) to become champion
R-Truth defeated Mike Kanellis (c) to become champion
- Mike and Maria Kanellis are at the OB/GYN and Mike Kanellis hugs Maria as she's lying down, and a ref counts the pin.
- Truth and Carmella are there in disguise. Truth hot potatoes a fake baby to Kanellis and pins him.
Lesnar
- Paul Heyman shows up and trashes Seth Rollins, goading him out after the beat down last week.
- Rollins limps out with a chair, apparently unwilling to wait six more days to heal up.
- Heyman pleads with Rollins, and it doesn't work.
- Rollins gets his ass kicked in one sided fashion. He doesn't stand a chance.
- This is the way this should have went. No 50/50. Rollins takes the mic and wonders if this is worth it. That's kind of different.
- Rollins says you love something so much that you'd do anything to protect it. He says he'll beat Brock Lesnar at Summerslam.
- I guess I still don't get what people gain chanting "what" in 2019.
The Viking Raiders defeated JOBBERS
SQUASH
- You know what it is. An ass kicking. I still don't know which is which. They've had their names changed so much.
- Ivar (I think) German suplexes the hairy fellow. Erick does a big splash
- Viking Experience. That's it.
- Okay, time for a program.
The Match That Wasn't
- The Street Profits see Kurt Angle. Angle really should have just said "I know who you guys are," and put them over. They give him milk in a red cup while beatboxing Kurt's theme. Kurt says he promised his wife he wouldn't do anything too crazy.
- Drew McIntyre tries to intimidate Kurt.
- Drew attacks Cedric and the two brawl and take each other out before the match starts. Cedric ends it with a flying DDT to the floor.
- Bray Wyatt appears and puts the Mandible Claw on Angle.
- Where are all those weenies who said that Bray Wyatt only did the Mandible Claw because Foley couldn't bump?
The OC defeated New Day & Ricochet
5/10
- Luke Gallows is wearing face paint again.
- The OC jumps New Day before anything could really get started.
- Ricochet makes the save for Xavier and Big E. This is now a SIX MAN TAG TEAM MATCH!!!!
- Big E is worked over big time until a suplex on Styles.
- Xavier gets hot tag numero uno, but it doesn't do the trick. He's pinned with the Magic Killer. That's it.
A CAR WRECK
- Samoa Joe tries to hijack Raw waiting on Roman, and gets CM Punk chants as a result.
- Reigns is apparently showing at 10 pm EST because that 2k20 cover gig has gone to his head.
- They're in the parking lot and a car hits Reigns' car out of nowhere.
- They go to a commercial and Joe checks on Reigns. I'm interested in this. It doesn't scream "fake," to me. It screams "I don't like this guy but he just got hit by a goddamn car."
- They REALLY didn't need the second camera angle. The extra camera angles are a good example of WWE production looking "too glossy" as Bischoff pointed out in our interview this year
WWE Women's Tag Team Titles
Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross defeated The IIconics (c), Kabuki Warriors (w/ Paige) and Fire & Desire to become champions
4.75/10
- The crowd doesn't care about this early, and it's all IIconics screaming shit.
- IIconics do a couple of good double suplex.
- It's a fatal four way tag match, and the match is unfolding accordingly.
- Mandy Rose pinning someone with that bad ass bicycle knee is the content I'm here for. It's Peyton, and the IICONICS ARE OUT!!
- Referee's discretion is a thing, but if it's elimination rules, there was no reason for the ref to completely ignore the rules in the first fall..
- Kabuki Warriors have some great double team offense on Nikki.
- Kairi has some weird taunts about Alexa's height, but here we go.
- There's a shitty Angel's Wings spot, and Mandy gets put in the Asuka Lock. She has to tap out.
- Asuka applied a leg lock on Nikki and it lasts way too long.
- There was a CM Punk chant forming that got booed out pretty quickly.
- Alexa does that dumb stop and slap that happens way too much.
- Kairi gets a hot tag, but it comes down to Asuka applying an Asuka Lock.
- Nikki Cross pushes Kairi off the top rope and Alexa and Nikki do great double team work on Asuka in the apron.
- Alexa cracks Kairi with a big punch and the Twisted Bliss for the win.
- Nikki Cross and Alexa Bliss' friendship and tag team title win has been one of WWE's better stories this year.
- Paige consoles the Kabuki Warriors.
CONTRACT SIGNING
- Miz brings out Shawn Michaels.
- Dolph goes off on HBK and Miz, and signs the contract
- Miz says it'll be great facing him next week on Raw. Miz got Ziggler to sign a contract to face BILL GOLDBERG.
- Goldberg is here and signs the contract.
- Hey good for Goldberg. It's a throwaway match and a chance for redemption, and a nice challenge for Ziggler to get something out of him.
- SUPERKICK TO ZIGGLER.
Rating guide
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!
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