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Let's see what's on tap for tonight, courtesy of the official preview on WWE.com:
Goldberg returns to answer Heymans’ challenge
The only question is who interrupts his promo and gets Speared and Jackhammered?
My hope is that it's the Shining Stars.
My fear is that they've been building Bo Dallas for like a month plus, just to feed him to Goldberg.
Will Team Red accept SmackDown LIVE’s Survivor Series challenges?
Most likely. It would be kind of stupid if they didn't.
Can Kevin Owens escape Seth Rollins’ wrath this week?
A better question: Will WWE Creative continue to take this dream feud of Kevin Steen vs Tyler Black and run it right into the ground?
Is Sasha Banks Charlotte-proof going into Hell in a Cell?
Can Cesaro & Sheamus get it together before their Raw Tag Team Title opportunity?
OH GOD PLEASE I JUST WANT IT TO BE OVER.
Will Bayley be forced to unleash her vicious side against Dana Brooke?
So, like, what? She's gonna hug her extra hard or something?
Here we go.
We start out with
KEVIN OWENS IN A SUIT IN THE RING WITH CHRIS JERICHO.
Both men don't seem to like Mick Foley very much.
Kevin Owens says that Seth is the guy who's going to get his career shortened by that HiaC Match, not him.
Chris Jericho says that he should have beaten Seth last week, and he would have, except for bad officiating.
Chris Jericho puts the ref on the list, the audience pops.
Kevin Owens says he's going to retire Seth, Seth's music hits.
Seth makes fun of Chris Jericho's scarf and christens him "Sparkle Crotch" on account of the rhinestone.
Chris says he is not Sparkle Crotch.
Seth says that Chris should put his friendship with KO on the list.
JeriKO don't like that very much.
Chris says he could beat Seth any time any place.
Seth says how about here and now? But he says maybe Kevin should leave. Or he could stay and watch Rollins Pedrigree Y2J for the third week in a row.
Chris says that Kevin should leave. Kevin thinks he should stay.
Chris and Kevin have a little huddle, in which it is decided that Kevin will leave and watch Chris win from the back.
This obviously means that Kevin Owens is running in and accidentally causing Jericho to lose, right?
I mean, obviously, right?
SETH ROLLINS vs CHRIS JERICHO
So did you watch their match from last week?
Cuz it's basically that, only with a lot more "Sparkle Crotch" chants.
After a few minutes of back and forth action, Jericho reverses a Pedigree and backbody drops Rollins over the top rope to the floor. Rollins climbs back up to the apron, only to eat one of Jericho's sprinboard dropkick things.
Jericho still in control after the break, but Rollins makes a comeback.
(Betcha couldn't see that coming, huh?)
Rollins gets a nearfall with a Sling Blade, then Jericho returns the favor with a Lionsault.
Rollins reverses something, hits a jumping knee to Jericho's face, then a Falcon Arrow for Two.
Seth climbs to the top rope, Owens' music hits.
Jericho rolls out of the ring, Rollins hits a crossbody from the top rope to the floor, then rolls Jericho back inside, hits a springboard knee, and goes for the Pedigree.
Jericho reverses it into the Walls of Jericho, Rollins crawls toward the ring ropes, but Owens pulls the bottom rope away from Seth.
The ref sees it, calls for the break. Jericho argues with him. Seth tries for the roll-up, Jericho rolls through it, nails an Enzuigiri, then tries for a Codebreaker.
Rollins reverses it into a Pedigree.
WINNER: Seth Rollins.
Owens walks up the ramp, pissed and dejected.
INTERVIEW WITH CHARLOTTE and LITA
Charlotte talks about how she is durable, and never complains or makes excuses about being hurt, unlike someone we know.
Charlotte has gotten so much better on the mic in the past year, it's kind of amazing.
Wonder how many takes they had to do of this before Lita didn't stumble over her words.
Oh, god, they're teasing a feud between Mark Henry and The Shining Stars....
Golden Truth & Mark Henry vs Shining Stars & Titus O'Neil
I'm not going to report on this match.
You can't make me.
Mark Henry, who hasn't been on TV since BEFORE THE OLYMPICS, gets the blind tag, and does one move.
He hits the World's Strongest Slam on Titus for the 1-2-3.
WINNERS: Golden Truth & Mark Henry.
Here's hoping this leads to another one of these amazing Titus press conference videos: