Welcome to the Live Coverage for Monday Night Raw!
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Let's see what's on tap for tonight, courtesy of the official preview on WWE.com:
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Goldberg returns to answer Heymans’ challenge
The only question is who interrupts his promo and gets Speared and Jackhammered?
My hope is that it's the Shining Stars.
My fear is that they've been building Bo Dallas for like a month plus, just to feed him to Goldberg.
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Will Team Red accept SmackDown LIVE’s Survivor Series challenges?
Most likely. It would be kind of stupid if they didn't.
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Can Kevin Owens escape Seth Rollins’ wrath this week?
A better question: Will WWE Creative continue to take this dream feud of Kevin Steen vs Tyler Black and run it right into the ground?
Answer: Undoubtedly.
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Is Sasha Banks Charlotte-proof going into Hell in a Cell?
No.
Literally no.
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Can Cesaro & Sheamus get it together before their Raw Tag Team Title opportunity?
OH GOD PLEASE I JUST WANT IT TO BE OVER.
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Will Bayley be forced to unleash her vicious side against Dana Brooke?
So, like, what? She's gonna hug her extra hard or something?
Here we go.
We start out with
KEVIN OWENS IN A SUIT IN THE RING WITH CHRIS JERICHO.
Both men don't seem to like Mick Foley very much.
Kevin Owens says that Seth is the guy who's going to get his career shortened by that HiaC Match, not him.
Chris Jericho says that he should have beaten Seth last week, and he would have, except for bad officiating.
Chris Jericho puts the ref on the list, the audience pops.
Kevin Owens says he's going to retire Seth, Seth's music hits.
Seth makes fun of Chris Jericho's scarf and christens him "Sparkle Crotch" on account of the rhinestone.
Chris says he is not Sparkle Crotch.
Seth says that Chris should put his friendship with KO on the list.
JeriKO don't like that very much.
Chris says he could beat Seth any time any place.
Seth says how about here and now? But he says maybe Kevin should leave. Or he could stay and watch Rollins Pedrigree Y2J for the third week in a row.
Chris says that Kevin should leave. Kevin thinks he should stay.
Chris and Kevin have a little huddle, in which it is decided that Kevin will leave and watch Chris win from the back.
This obviously means that Kevin Owens is running in and accidentally causing Jericho to lose, right?
I mean, obviously, right?
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SETH ROLLINS vs CHRIS JERICHO
So did you watch their match from last week?
Cuz it's basically that, only with a lot more "Sparkle Crotch" chants.
After a few minutes of back and forth action, Jericho reverses a Pedigree and backbody drops Rollins over the top rope to the floor. Rollins climbs back up to the apron, only to eat one of Jericho's sprinboard dropkick things.
COMMERCIAL
Jericho still in control after the break, but Rollins makes a comeback.
(Betcha couldn't see that coming, huh?)
Rollins gets a nearfall with a Sling Blade, then Jericho returns the favor with a Lionsault.
Rollins reverses something, hits a jumping knee to Jericho's face, then a Falcon Arrow for Two.
Seth climbs to the top rope, Owens' music hits.
Jericho rolls out of the ring, Rollins hits a crossbody from the top rope to the floor, then rolls Jericho back inside, hits a springboard knee, and goes for the Pedigree.
Jericho reverses it into the Walls of Jericho, Rollins crawls toward the ring ropes, but Owens pulls the bottom rope away from Seth.
The ref sees it, calls for the break. Jericho argues with him. Seth tries for the roll-up, Jericho rolls through it, nails an Enzuigiri, then tries for a Codebreaker.
Rollins reverses it into a Pedigree.
1-2-3.
WINNER: Seth Rollins.
Owens walks up the ramp, pissed and dejected.
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INTERVIEW WITH CHARLOTTE and LITA
Charlotte talks about how she is durable, and never complains or makes excuses about being hurt, unlike someone we know.
Charlotte has gotten so much better on the mic in the past year, it's kind of amazing.
Wonder how many takes they had to do of this before Lita didn't stumble over her words.
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Oh, god, they're teasing a feud between Mark Henry and The Shining Stars....
*sigh*
Golden Truth & Mark Henry vs Shining Stars & Titus O'Neil
I'm not going to report on this match.
You can't make me.
Mark Henry, who hasn't been on TV since BEFORE THE OLYMPICS, gets the blind tag, and does one move.
He hits the World's Strongest Slam on Titus for the 1-2-3.
WINNERS: Golden Truth & Mark Henry.
Here's hoping this leads to another one of these amazing Titus press conference videos:
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BACKSTAGE ARGUMENT WITH CHRIS JERICHO & KEVIN OWENS
Y2J almost slips and calls KO a "Stupid Idiot," but he catches himself.
Whew. That was a close one.
Some words, when spoken, can't be taken back.
Stephanie McMahon interrupts, says that Seth Rollins has gotten into their heads and they need to be smarter than this.
She also says that she is accepting Shane and Daniel Bryan's Survivor Series Challenge.
And she needs her generals on the same page.
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BIG E vs SHEAMUS
So apparently Sheamus & Cesaro still don't like each other.
Newsflash.
The New Day have a long, semi-entertaining promo about how Cesaro & Sheamus are "Court Appointed Tag Team Partners."
Also about how they have been Tag Team Champs for 420 days.
In Denver, Colorado.
Where Marijuana is legal.
Bong rips.
Pot Brownies.
Tee-Hee.
The match starts out great, E and Sheamus are legit trying to blunt force murder each other.
Sheamus takes a big splash while laying on the apron, then hits his rolling senton on the floor.
COMMERCIAL.
Back from the break, and I officially would be into a best of seven between these two guys.
MY GOD.
Big E catches what might have been a Brogue Kick and hits a HUGE kneeling powerbomb.
Two Count.
Sheamus hits White Noise.
Two Count.
Sheamus hits his Ten Beats of the Blah-Blah-Blah, all while Cesaro is streaming to Facebook Live in the crowd.
Sheamus walks over to Cesaro, takes his phone, then says, "You want to film something, film me!"
Cesaro obliges.
But Big E hits a distraction splash in the corner, and then a distraction roll-up.
WINNER: Big E
Gee, I wonder if Cesaro & Sheamus will ever get on the same page?
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BO DALLAS vs NEVILLE
I am weirdly hyped for this match.
That right there, that's just good storytelling.
Bo takes over early, weathers a comeback from Neville, hits a leg sweep on Neville as he heads for the corner to attempt the Red Arrow.
Then he hits that reverse Cross Rhodes of his on Neville.
AND HE PINS NEVILLE CLEAN AS A WHISTLING SHEET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING.
Winner: Bo Dallas
After the match, Curtis Axel celebrates with his friend until Bo SNAPS THE F*CK OUT and DEMOLISHES his former best friend.
Bo Dallas is officially my new favorite guy in all of the WWE.
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DANA BROOKE vs BAYLEY
Dana plays a few mind games with Bayley, getting in and out of the ring and making Bayley chase her.
Bayley finally catches her, and tries an Irish Whip, which Dana reverses with a straight right hand to the jaw.
Dana is just working over Bayley right now, with stomps and chinlocks and running forearms.
Double Clothesline. Bayley in control now.
Running jumping back elbow into the corner, then Dana grabs her arm and runs her face into the ring post.
She pins Bayley, and is supposed to put her foot on the ropes to cheat, BUT HER LEG IS TOO SHORT.
So she inadvertently gets a clean win over Bayley.
WINNER: Dana Brooke.
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INTERVIEW WITH PAUL HEYMAN LIVE VIA SATELLITE
He says that Goldberg is going to accept the challenge, and that is going to piss off Brock, and Brock is going to eat Goldberg and poop him out.
Basically.
Also, the Denver crowd really likes hearing themselves chant "Goldberg."
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RAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!
BRAUN STROWMAN vs THREE JOBBERS
They call themselves the "Mile High Trio" and they say that Braun Strowman will get winded quickly in the thin Denver air.
You know what else about the thin Denver air?
Guys fly farther when Braun Strowman throws them.
Running Powerslam to Jobber #1.
Reverse Chokeslam to Jobber #2 onto Jobber #1.
WINNER: Braun Strowman
If you're wondering what happened to Jobber # 3, his family asks that in lieu of flowers, a donation be made in his name to The Children's Miracle Network.
Braun gets on the mic, "FOLEY!!!!!! I ASKED FOR BETTER COMPETITION, YOU DIDN'T GIVE IT TO ME, AND NOW I'M GOING TO COME BACK THERE AND TAKE MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS!"
And then Sami Zayn's music hits.
And it was then that I realized, I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME.
I predicted this two weeks ago, and I can't wait to see their feud.
Sami gets in the ring, gets two hand shoved out of the ring to the floor, and Braun calmly walks up the ramp to the back.
After the break, Tiny Woman Interviewer #3 asks Sami Zayn "Why did you pick a fight with Braun Strowman?"
Sami replies: "Because no one else will."
ALL HAIL THE SOOTHSAYER, PREDICTOR OF FEUDS.
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RUSEV & LANA IN-RING SEGMENT
Rusev shows a slide-show of his family, to prove he's a better family man than Roman Reigns.
Roman Reigns, who has a bunch of Samoans "sitting around dipping a turkey leg in mayonnaise," and nothing else.
Rusev is descended from great stock. His mother, a champion rower, is booed by the crowd.
"DON'T YOU DARE BOO MY MOTHER!"
His father, a former wrestler, has a sweet mustache. His brother is a chef.
He has a lot of soccer playing cousins and a Grandma called Babushka.
Roman Reigns comes down, insulting everything that Rusev holds dear.
So Lana slaps Roman, and Rusev kicks him in the side of the head and beats the crap out of him.
He throws him into the steel steps, then brings the steps into the ring.
He locks in the Accolade on Roman Reigns ... ON THE STEEL STEPS.
"Because it's dull, you twit, it'll hurt more."
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BIG CASS vs KARL ANDERSON
Enzo Amore is wearing bright pink overalls.
Big Cass wins the match is less time that it took me to type that sentence.
East River Crossing?
More like East River LOSSING!
Am I right?
WINNER: Big Cass
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BACKSTAGE SEGMENT WITH TJP, BRIAN KENDRICK AND FRIENDS
Kendrick and TJP have a good, if stilted promo about who knows who better.
Tony Nese & Drew Gulak play Rocksteady & Bebop to Kendrick's crazy Shredder-esque super villain.
And just when they're about to attack TJP on behalf of their boss, Cedric Alexander & Rich Swann show up to back up TJP.
This made me super excited, and I don't know why.
SIX MAN TAG MATCH LATER!
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INTERVIEW WITH SASHA BANKS and LITA
Sasha is a lot better when she's speaking off the cuff, but she's still way overconfident.
Are we sure that Lita doesn't have CTE or something? She slurs like every tenth word.
Sasha thinks that she's going to win at Hell in a Cell.
It would be weird if she didn't though.
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Brian Kendrick & Co. vs TJP Inc.
I love the idea of two competing Cruiserweight factions.
More of this please.
Cedric & Swann do super athletic stuff at the expense of Gulak & Nese, then Nese catches TJP in a deadlift suplex and tags in Kendrick...
who promptly gets the Kneebar slapped on him and has to scramble for the ropes.
The storytelling of Kendrick as the wily veteran, too slow and old to keep up with the kids, but who knows all the tricks that the kids haven't learned yet, it is SO GOOD.
He has to play dirty to win, and HE IS GOING TO WIN AT ALL COSTS.
I love it.
COMMERCIAL.
The match is fast and furious at the end, and finishes with Tony Nese hitting the 450 on Swann, then Kendrick making a blind tag and locking in the Bully Choke.
Swann fights the good fight, but he is forced to tap.
WINNERS: Brian Kendrick and Gulak & Nese.
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Backstage in Steph's Oiffice, with Steph & Mick Foley
They make a match for next week:
KO vs Seth vs Jericho
Neat.
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GOLDBERG ANSWERS HEYMAN'S CHALLENGE
Michael Cole introduces Goldberg as the greatest champion in WCW history.
AND I AM NOT KIDDING.
His music hits, the crowd loses it's mind, he walks through the back past a bunch of guys applauding him, including some of the talent.
The "Goldberg" chant is overpowering; this thing is definitely going long tonight.
He seems overcome with emotion, which is genuinely pretty cool.
Cole gives him the mic and backs away.
Goldberg says he never thought he'd be in the ring again; his wife and son are in the front row, seeing him in the ring for the first time.
He says that on his promotional tour for WWE2K17, he started a little drama, and now it's time to either leave it in the videogame or make it a reality.
He also calls Heyman, "Brock's fat little stooge" which is great.
He says maybe he's got one more match left in him.
"Brock Lesnar, not only are you next, but YOU'RE LAST!!!"
Slight goosebumps, not gonna lie.
