Sean Raw Sapp (8/28): Match Ratings, Battle Royal, More!

IC Title Contender Battle Royal
Jeff Hardy wins

  • Miz is in the ring, but is interrupted by Kurt Angle who says there will be an IC title match at No Mercy and next week on Raw.
  • Battle royal time! Hardys, Big Show, Elias, Finn Balor, Jordan, Good Brothers, Among others.
  • Gallows, Anderson.....and Balor eliminate Big Show. This is a tease.
  • A battle royal is a nice way to set up easy filler matches, or start feuds and alliances.
  • We get the random Bray Wyatt attack and he eliminates Finn Balor and disappears. Dumb.
  • Jason Jordan goes full veteran mode, rolling Jeff Hardy out of the way of blowing a spot.
  • Jordan eliminates like three people, but then Hardy tosses him over.
  • Fun stuff.

Enzo Amore defeated Noam Dar

  • Enzo announces his own opponent, GNOME DAR!
  • Enzo got in his Conor McGregor reference.
  • They're doing an angle where Enzo has to keep making weight. That could be fun.
  • Enzo is such a fantastic seller that he makes Dar look vicious.
  • Enzo wins with Eat Defeat.
  • Neville is unconcerned. I have no clue why Tozawa ever beat him for the title at this point. Dumb call.

Brock and Heyman promo

  • The real story of this promo is that it leads to Brock cutting Heyman off.
  • After Heyman puts over Braun Strowman, Lesnar says he's taking him to Suplex City and drops the mic.
  • Effective.

Cesaro (w/ Sheamus) defeated Seth Rollins (w/ Dean Ambrose)

  • A pointless, but surely fundamentally sound match. Normally I'd say the winner picks the stipulation, but they just did that with the Hardy Boyz during the last feud.
  • The Rollins Buckle Bomb was SUPER janky.
  • I'm glad Cesaro got a win with an uppercut. Nakamura got one with the Triangle choke last week. Solidify these moves!
  • Sheamus tells Dean Ambrose they're up next.

Dean Ambrose (w/ Seth Rollins) defeated Sheamus (w/ Cesaro)

  • A cool stretch muffler into a sitdown powerbomb from Sheamus, who then attacks with the cloverleaf.
  • Dean Ambrose connects with a Tornado DDT, Sheamus with a super rolling samoan drop.
  • They're treating this like a PPV match, it's just not as good as one, unfortunately.
  • There is a HILARIOUS finish where the ref pretends to not see Seth Rollins in the ring after he kneed Sheamus.

Social Media Match
Emma defeated Mickie James

  • I find the idea of Emma obsessing over social media pretty funny. Mickie James is her victim this week. They have a stipulation. If Mickie wins, Emma can't say she started the Women's Revolution, if Emma wins, Mickie has to tweet a hashtag of Emma's choice.
  • Emma has a shitty new theme.
  • Emma wins pretty quickly after being kicked a few times. This match was nothing.
  • She runs up the ramp saying "I started the women's revolution."

Contract signing

  • John Cena says that Reigns is protected and afraid to fight him.
  • Reigns tells Cena that he's not as big of a deal as he thinks he is. SOLID.
  • Cena is acting like a guy who is worried about his spot when he really shouldn't be. He calls Reigns a Cena bootleg.
  • John Cena facilitated a situation where both guys looked like dipshits.
  • Roman Reigns says John Cena holds down talent, but he's the one guy Cena can't touch.
  • They're CHOOTIN.
  • Cena says it took Reigns five years to cut a half-decent promo.
  • My God.
  • Cena says he barely main events anymore and he elevated the United States title, while Reigns took it as a demotion.
  • Cena says he's there because Reigns can't do his job.
  • I thought both Reigns and Cena came off looking like babies, but as it turns out, I'd watch babies land sick burns on each other all day.
  • The Good Brothers come out and get a match.

John Cena & Roman Reigns defeated The Good Brothers

  • Reigns laughs as Cena gets kicked in the head.
  • If I were WWE, I'd have Reigns switch gear, music, and stop beating off his hand before he punches people.
  • Finishers in stereo. The BIG DOGGIES WIN!
  • At this rate, Reigns & Cena are in line for a tag team title shot.....................................................................

Walk with Elias

  • Elias is singing, interrupted by Jerry Lawler -- new concept.
  • Elias brings out Pelvis Wesley from Southaw Regional. My god.
  • He gets his ass kicked REAL PROPER.
  • In true WWE form they bring somebody over from Southpaw Regional and JOB EM OUT.

Raw Women's Championship
Alexa Bliss defeated Sasha Banks (c) to win the Raw Women's Championship

  • "It's Boss time" is one of Cole's more unusual intros.
  • Alexa is really good and changing her look up little by little from week to week.
  • Sasha hits a cool flying double knees to the outside as we go to break.
  • A hairsnap backbreaker. Damn. Later a sweet Infrared lands.
  • Continuing her awesome offense, Bliss hits a big superplex. You don't see that a lot out of the women.
  • Banks Statement is reversed and Bliss pins Sasha. Outstanding match
  • Nia Jax comes out and attacks Sasha. She turns on Alexa Bliss by hoisting her on her shoulders and slamming her.