Well, believers, it's finally here.
The Season 2 Finale of Lucha Underground, better known as Night Tres of Ultima Lucha Dos.
Dos hours, cinco matches, TODOS VIOLENCIA.
What kind of violence, you ask? Well, here's a little sample.
That's the Main Event of last week's episode, the finish of which included a spear through a table, three powerbombs through tables, a CROWBAR TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD, and a tombstone piledriver.
So get ready to chant "Holy Shit", folks. There's gonna be a lot of that.
Here's the lineup for tonight:
Okay, long story. Black Lotus sneaked into the temple at the beginning of Season 1 looking for the monster who killed her family. But before she got herself eaten, she was spirited away by El Dragon Azteca SENIOR, who trained her as he tried to convince her that she wasn't ready for this challenge. She was too thirsty for revenge, though and came back to the temple, with Dragon Azteca in hot pursuit. Dario Cueto, master of manipulation, convinced her that it was not his brother that killed her family, but actually EL DRAGON AZTECA SENIOR. So, because there is a picture of her in the dictionary next to the word "Gullible," she kills her mentor, and becomes Cueto's bodyguard. His sexy. sexy bodyguard.
El Dragon Azteca JUNIOR, meanwhile, spider-senses that his master has been killed and calls Rey Mysterio Jr. (Dragon Azteca Sr's most powerful pupil) via a kind of Question Mark Bat Signal, and the two of them train to go and avenge their mentor's death.
Upon arriving there, El Dragon Azteca Jr. is told by Cueto that Black Lotus has killed his Mentor, and now it's on, fam.
Oh and also, El Dragon Azteca Jr does this to people:
So there's that.
These two are competing to find out who is the Baddest Bitch in Lucha Underground.
Both of them are Bad Bitches, that's for sure, but I don't want to quibble over degrees. I'll let them hash it out.
They don't have Tag Team Champions in Lucha Underground. They have Trios Champions.
And the current Trios Champions are the most fun thing in wrestling right now.
They call themselves the Worldwide Underground: Johnny Mundo (John Morrison), Jack Evans, and PJ Black (Justin Gabriel).
They have a blood rivalry going against their opponents in this match, Aerostar, Drago and Fenix. They are a Time Traveling Aztec God with Rocket Boots, The Human Reincarnation of an Actual Dragon, and An Immortal, respectively.
So you'd think the supernatural guys would have a distinct advantage over the three gringo rudeboys.
But I'm not so sure.
This is a goddamn DREAM MATCH.
The guy under the Prince Puma mask is Richochet, and if you don't know why a match featuring Ricochet vs Rey Mysterio Jr. is a big deal, then I can't help you.
I'M SO EXCITED, YOU GUYS.
A few months ago, Pentagon--famous for breaking dude's arms--had a championship match with Matanza. Martanza broke his back. This is the rematch, and Pentagon has his dark lord, Vampiro in his corner for this one. Matanza is undefeated and he once ate a guy.
Somebody might kayfabe die tonight, people.
Comeback tonight to see live results and my giddy reactions to the wrestling show of the year.
I'm Alex Pawlowski and you can follow me @pawlowskithe4th