INTRO
Hulk Hogan and Titus O'Neil are out to intro the show in pirate suits. Hulk Hogan gets booed every time he talks. Eric Bischoff is with them backstage, and Bayley approaches. Eric Bischoff is still a really good TV performer
Randy Orton defeated The Fiend (w/ Alexa Bliss)
5/10
Angle 2/10
Randy Orton has white gear. Alexa Bliss looks bad ass. Oh cool, original Fiend instead of Yeti Fiend. A giant jack in the box entrance happens, and we have a respawned Fiend attack Orton. The Fiend's tribute to Brodie Lee melted my heart. This is his first match since Lee passed.
Mandible Claw is applied when Fiend no sells a Singh Bomb. This is Fiend's fastest paced match in a long time, and it's good. Well, then the ring catches on fire by the posts and Alexa is on top of the top bleeding motor oil. RKO and a pin. This is so weird. I don't like it, I don't care about it, I want it to end. The Fiend is an interesting character and the story sucks ass. The lights go out and come back on and that's it.
WWE Women's Tag Team Titles
Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax (c) defeated Natalya & Tamina
4.75/10
We get a headbutt-of with Tamina and Nia. Shayna gets catapulted into a superkick. Shayna CRACKS Nattie with a knee. They're building to Tamina slamming Nia. This is a step up from the tag matches they have Shayna and Nia work on Raw, but it's a weird way to set up Natalya & Tamina work as babyfaces by having them work heel for months. They're full on "come on you guys!" babyfaces now. Tamina is late to break up a nearfall. Tamina hits a Samoan Drop and goes up top, but gets hit. Tamina and Shayna wait forever on a Nia body press, and production didn't do them any favors. Nia Jax tells Tamina she ain't shit and she's King Kong. Tamina does a Hogan/Andre-esque slam on Nia, but misses the Superfly Splash. Tamina got a chant, and that was nice. Sharpshooter on Nia, which is impressive, but Natalya gets put to sleep by Shayna.
Kevin Owens defeated Sami Zayn
Special Guest of Honor: Logan Paul
6.75/10
Sami Zayn is over with this crowd. It's good to hear the chant back! Logan Paul is not over, he's booed heavily. Gotta have Owens Stunner him.
Owens starts out by just trying to spam powerbombs, but instead does a great front suplex on the ropes. Zayn's offense looks awesome too, a brainbuster on the apron and a Michinoku Driver. The moves in this match are fantastic, and tell a back and forth story. Pumphandle neckbreakers, Exploders into the corner, Blue Thunder, Super Fisherman's busters. Owens and Zayn having the kind of match we all knew they could and would if they got the chance. Zayn follows Owens with a Helluva Kick, but Owens answers with two superkicks and a Stunner. No Kevin Owens jumping off of crazy stuff is a sad, but the match was good.
Kevin Owens finding the camera because Logan Paul can't. Logan Paul pushes down Zayn and makes fun of him. Kevin Owens hits a Stunner on Logan Paul, and Paul does a great flip sell off of it. I need the "Unseen Footage Of Kevin Owens Doing A Stunner To Logan Paul" video since WWE cut and zoomed it
WWE United States Title Match
Sheamus defeated Riddle (c) to become Champion
7.25/10
Rob Van Dam just showed up and gave Matt Riddle rolling papers. A WrestleMania moment. Riddle's CGI birds had hats.
Sheamus is beating the shit out of Riddle, but Riddle fights back with a backflip Belly-to-Belly superplex. Riddle does a Jackhammer, but can't put Sheamus away. Riddle requiring two tries to do it is a true Goldberg impersonation. Riddle flips into the ring and eats a huge knee. A Floating Bro to the outside hits, but back inside, Sheamus slips off the top rope trying to do a White Noise, so he compensates with a Flying Knee Drop. A Brogue Kick caught Riddle mid-Lionsault to win! What a finish. The timing on that was perfect.
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Nigerian Drum Fight
Apollo Crews defeated Big E (c) to win the title
6/10
Wale plays out Big E and they get big fireworks. There are drums, gongs and kendo sticks outside. Big E told me that dive doesn't officially have a name, but I've called it a YOLO Dive since 2014 so I'm gonna stick with that. Apollo tries to kill Big E with stairs, but instead he eats a uranage. Apollo hits Big E over and over with the cage, but goes through the table.
Big Ending hits, but Dabba Kato comes out to help Crews and attacks. Crews wins. They're gonna act like they don't know Dabba Kato when he was twisting dicks off on Raw Underground and getting drafted last year. This was Apollo Crews' 7th Intercontinental Title shot since November.
WWE Raw Women's Championship
Rhea Ripley defeated Asuka (c) to become champion
5.25/10
The last Asuka title defense that didn't end in a DQ/No contest was a two minute match in October. Rhea Ripley is played out and it sounds horrible. Ripley's gear is shedding all over the ring. The slow pace to start off isn't ideal after the run Asuka has had. It steps up a little with some work outside the ring, but this is plodding for these two. The pacing is baffling after months of no title defenses. Rhea Ripley wins with a Riptide. Well cool, Rhea Ripley won the title. Asuka is great, but WWE just needs to move on and regroup. They ruined her reign and need to start over. I guess.
DING DONG! HELLO
Bayley comes out and demands a segment. The Bella Twins come out and beat her up when she says John Cena isn't there. WOOF.
WWE Universal Title
Roman Reigns (c) (w/ Jey Uso & Paul Heyman) defeated Edge and Daniel Bryan to retain the title
8/10
Bryan got a good reaction, Edge got a huge reaction, Roman got huge boos. Roman as a heel is working with the live crowd.
Jey Uso superkicks both opponents earlier. Edge goes an Edgecution on the stairs. Roman Reigns suplexes Bryan onto the cables. Both Roman and Edge went for a spear at the same time and hit each other. Bryan gets a good reaction for Yes Kicks, that Reigns sells perfect. Big knee on Edge, Yes Kick on Reigns! Bryan gets powerbombed through the table to "Roman Sucks" chants, and Edge does a bad spear outside.
Edge does a crossface with a bar in Reigns' mouth!!! Bryan grabs the nearly tapping arm and put it in the Yes Lock! Edge and Bryan headbutt each other in the spot. Spears all around for Edge, but Bryan pulls the ref out. Edge destroys everyone with chairs. Conchairto to Bryan, spear on a returning Jey Uso. Spear on Edge, Conchairto. Reigns pins BOTH men.
Rating Guide 10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive "TV match" lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing. These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones that may change upon a second viewing, or sitting on the match for a period of time. Don't take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!
