Xavier Woods Would Kill Mario: He's A Plumber And Always In The Forest, It Makes No Sense

Xavier Woods hates Mario. Confirmed.

Woods has stated in the past that his favorite game of all-time is Mario Kart: Double Dash for the GameCube. The question and answer of Woods' favorite game of all-time is not important. The important question is who would Xavier Woods fuck, marry, and kill from Mario Kart: Double Dash.

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That was the question posed to him the Good Game Nice Try podcast.

"My kill is easy," began Woods. "Sometimes, throughout a video universe, you have a character who is not necessarily great at what they do. You have a character who is constantly having to go back into battle because of his own insolence and ignorance. He can't finish the job when the job needs to be finished. Who is getting popped immediately? Mario is gone. Immediately. As soon as the weapon is in hand, he's done. Luigi should be standing tall. What happens whenever the princess gets rescued, he has help from Luigi and Toad, but when Bowser comes back through, where the hell is Mario? What is he doing? This man is a plumber by trade and is always in the forest. That doesn't make any sense. Hanging out with mushrooms? Plumb something. Clear a pipe, dude. If he was worried about dealing with pipes, Peach wouldn't be alone so much. He's been trying to save this girl since I was three years old and he still can't do it. Get out of here. Out to pasture. Mario is done."

Points were certainly made.

As far as his marry and fuck, Woods is going for a two-for-one special.

"This character, always seen as not good enough or second best. Most people don't mess with her, they don't remember her name, she's not in all the games. We don't really know a ton about her. The person I would fuck and then immediately propose to. I might propose before...no, I gotta try it out first. Fuck then immediately marry; Daisy. She is the best. She is smart enough to not constantly be kidnapped by Bowser. She's smart enough to sit in the backseat and watch Peach run amuck, get kidnapped, whatever. Daisy should be in charge. She can defend herself and Luigi wouldn't have to constantly be making up for the lack of Mario around because she's smart enough not to get caught. Get rid of Mario and Peach! Double kill. Then, fuck and marry Daisy. I'll propose in the middle of the act too. Everybody else is cool," said Woods.

And now you will never look at Mario Kart: Double Dash the same.

Members of the Fightful community recently took part in some Mario action, playing Mario Kart and Mario Party over on the official Fightful Twitch channel. You can check out that video and more by clicking here.

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