WHAT

  • Lee Marshall's hair is nuts, and this show is lit like trash.
  • Bill Apter awards Jerry Lawler with an Inspirational PWI Award. Lee Marshall has no clue where Jerry was. What a shit show. Production like this is why WWE took over.

Guerreros vs. RPMs & Cactus Jack
5/10

Hector Guerrero was outstanding. Amazing to think he'd be the Gobbledygooker a couple of years later. Mike Enos is the damn referee for this match. The Guerreros are working circles around these guys. The decision to put Foley with the RPMs is interesting. I do have a qualm with some of the psychology. The Guerreros don't seem the have the best ring awareness, and end up doing moves into the ropes. This first match is basically burying the ref the entire time. Mando Guerrero wins with a moonsault on one of the members of the RPMs. Cactus Jack is livid after the match, but tends to his teammate.

Fun fact, Enos actually teamed with Foley and Gary Young against The Guerreros just weeks earlier. Enos had actually filmed multiple TV matches against Del Wilkes, even.

WCCW Light Heavyweight Championship
Eric Embry defeated Jeff Jarrett (c) to become champion
5.5/10

Lee Marshall says "This is the way it should be, the current champion vs. the FORMER champion." That statement really confuses me and I don't have a damn clue what he means by it. They're reversing one another well, and I think working better and faster than the Guerreros in the previous match. Jarrett has hurt his shoulder. For some reason, this trash ref isn't breaking anything in the ropes. After a series of pin attempts, Embry rolls up Jarrett to win the title.

Embry babyfaces this big time, and says that he wants to see how Jarrett's doing and offers him a rematch. Embry was 29 years old, and looked every bit of 39. It's wild that 220-230 pounds was a light heavyweight back then.

Boogie Woogie Man Jimmy Valiant defeated Wayne Bloom
Squash

This was a quick attack and a pin. That's it. Man. This was something. 72 year old Verne Gagne is terrible on the mic.

Texas Heavyweight Championship
Iceman King Parsons defeated Brickhouse Brown
4.25/10

Brickhouse Brown is young and full of fire. The work here is not something that holds up too well, but at the time, it really didn't matter. Parsons beats the brakes off of Brown, before the tides are turned. Parsons loads his hand and cracks Brown with an illegal blow. This wasn't great.

Wendi Richter & Top Guns vs. Madusa & Bad Company
4/10

There is a weird round of boos for a lack of man-on-woman violence. I know it was a different times, but these people seemed super bummed that Pat Tanaka couldn't kick the shit out of Richter. DDP is there and cuts an odd promo about the Twins winning a World Series, but they're in Chicago. I dunno, man. Top Guns are working together very well. Madusa and Richter are ALL over the apron and it's really distracting. Tanaka takes what we now know as the Rikishi bump off a clothesline. For a guy who didn't really do a lot more nationally, Derrick Dukes was pretty good just a few years in. He plays the babyface in peril.

This is all built to Madusa vs. Richter. Kind of wild that it's WWF's biggest female star in 1984 and their biggest in 1995 and they're three years apart in age. Richter does a really rough looking powerbomb. Tanaka accidentally kicks Madusa and Richter pins her. Dukes missed Tanaka by a mile on a dropkick. The Top Guns bend Madusa over and spank her repeatedly. Oh. Madusa is livid and slaps Pat Tanaka. DDP doesn't kick Madusa out of the Diamond Exchange, he just pretends he doesn't know her.

International Television Championship
Greg Gagne defeated Ronnie Garvin to become champion
4.25/10

This has so many titles it feels like a New Japan show. These two are slugging it out and not really selling much. This has a non-finish, but somehow Greg Gagne regains the TV Championship. What is this? I blame Warren. This was such a lame ass finish. The fire and the brawl was great, but that finish was a total trash. Gagne takes a shot at Chicago and the Bears. That was the best part of this.

A little background: the title had been held up before this match.

Lingerie Battle Royal
The Terrorist wins
1.25/10

Nina (aka Ivory) was interviewed about the battle royal. She really didn't age for a long time, and I had no clue she'd been in the AWA. There's also a woman named THE TERRORIST. Oh shit. David Fuckin' McClane and Bambi are back there. These interviews get even weirder. They're talking about ripping shorts apart and stuff.

If you were wondering, $10,000 in 1985 is $23,624

I guess I don't understand this. They're all wearing street clothes. David McClane sounds like such a car salesman. Talk about needing to slow things down. That's this match. One of them is wearing a TRENCHCOAT. You have to be stripped naked or tossed over the top rope. THIS MATCH HAS MULTIPLE WWE HALL OF FAMERS.

There's a hilarious punch that sends Peggy Lee tumbling other people. David McClane is trying really hard to call this as serious, but it's one of the dumbest match ideas. He's playing this up like this is the main event. It's a poor idea and sloppy. The Terrorist seems legit afraid her underwear is gonna come off, as the crowd chants "take it off." She strangles someone with her stocking and eliminates her. This sucked badly.

As if it couldn't get any worse, Peggy Lee Leather and Luna cut a MISERABLE promo afterwards. Leather sounds like an SNL parody of a hillbilly and Luna is full on 1985 promo mode. She's brought a snake in the middle of the promo. This is one of the biggest wastes of time on a show I've ever seen. It's almost offensive that there were so many talented women on this show and they were used the way they were.

Boot Camp Match
Sgt. Slaughter defeated Col. DeBeers
5.5/10

DDP is out with DeBeers. Slaughter hits DeBeers with this whip gimmick, and DeBeers takes a FILTHY bump on the helmet. DeBeers fights back a little bit, but Slaughter beats his ass thoroughly. Slaughter hits the Slaughter Cannon Clothesline twice and a Cobra Clutch. Adnan Al-Kaissie and Iron Sheik run in and attack Sgt. Slaughter. SHEIK FREAKING STABS SLAUGHTER IN THE HEAD. SICK.

The Guerreros make the save, and Slaughter even swings at one of them. That was kind of hilarious. DDP hit the bricks and just ran away, and Slaughter chased after the heels. Slaughter wins, I guess? There were no rules, but this was a hot angle. I didn't see a pin. Another shit finish, but this was fun at least.

Lee Marshall has had a pretty privileged life if DeBeers blindsiding Slaughter is the "most disgusting thing he's ever seen." I'm pretty sure that Slaughter threatened to murder Col. DeBeers right after....and right before he recites the Pledge of Allegiance.

The FOREIGN HEELS cut a foreign heel promo after the match backstage.

WCCW Tag Team Championships
SST (c) (w/ Buddy Roberts) defeated Michael Hayes & Steve Cox
6/10

The SST are Samu and Rikishi -- the Headshrinkers. Wild to think that Fatu would get his biggest break over a decade later. I don't remember anything about Steve Cox, but Lee Marshall calls him Steve "Do It To It" Cox. Samu hilariously misses a flying body press. Cox then takes a great "drop the top rope" bump outside. For some reason, Marshall calls a facebuster (a nice, catching one) from Samu a brain buster. Fatu follows with a great diving elbow bat. Cox can really sell his ass off.

Fatu lands a great Stun Gun on Cox, who is playing babyface in peril. This is being wonderfully built to the Michael Hayes hot tag. A Fatu and Cox double clothesline WALLOPS. A Cox suicide dive and a Hayes DDT hit, but no ref. Buddy Roberts hits Hayes in the back of the head and that's it. Another lame finish, but a really fun match.

Hayes is still laid out -- this is coma territory. Cox is livid and is stomping around. I am pretty sure the crowd is chanting "shoot the referee." They're also arguing about what Hayes got hit with. IT WAS A HAND.

Indian Strap Match
Wahoo McDaniel defeated Manny Fernandez
3/10

Tatsumi Funjinami is in the ring, and Manny Fernandez cuts a Scott Steiner-esque promo on Fujinami. Wahoo McDaniel and Fujinami double team him like cowards, which is good for about one chop. Wahoo then strangles Fernandez. Fernandez busts open Wahoo with the strap. This match sucks. I don't know what damage the strap is supposed to be doing as they drop it over the head of one another.

Mike Enos was a garbage referee, but there's not a lot he could do here. Wahoo hits three turnbuckles and gets hit in the ballsack. He ends up winning after sustaining a couple of fist drops. Fujinami hits the ring again. I hope he didn't get blood on his suit. After the match Wahoo McDaniel says he wants Fernandez dead and threatens to shoot him. Fernandez is in fact still alive.

Double Title Shot
Jerry "The King" Lawler defeated Kerry Von Erich via ref stoppage
5/10

Kerry Von Erich has his daughter backstage and compares the Mona Lisa to the world championship and asks, HOW CAN THERE BE TWO WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS? Lawler is interviewed as well. He's a fantastic interview. These don't translate nearly as well into the ring before the match.

This is a really gritty, down and dirty fight. Not a lot of wrestling moves in that regard. Lawler gets his knees up on a slingshot splash and piledrives Von Erich, which gets no sold. I never liked that with anyone but a Road Warrior. A discus punch and Von Erich claw can't finish it. Von Erich does a folding piledriver, but there had been a ref bump. This is already super overbooked.

Von Erich cracks his hand on the ring post, and he's cracked open. Lawler follows up with some fist drops. The STOMACH CLAW is applied. That move looks even dumber three-plus decades later. This match and entire show just doesn't age well.

This turns into a striking battle, which is where it gets good. Lawler has some awesome jabs in the corner. Lawler keeps pretending that he's loading his hand with something by reaching into his trunks, but there clearly isn't anything and this shit is cheesy. Von Erich has the claw on, but he's bleeding heavily and the ref stops the fight because of the blood. What a shitty finish -- a recurring theme.

Jerry Lawler heels the crowd and says the ref saved Von Erich's eyesight. Backstage, Von Erich goes back to his "one Mona Lisa, one leaning tower of Pisa, one world champion" line. Stanley Blackburn says there will be a rematch. This is so political. Then Lee Marshall flat out SAYS "the next match won't be able to follow what we just saw." This fool.

Rock N' Roll Express vs. The Stud Stable
4/10

Robert Fuller stands just like Tracy Smothers. I'm confused as to why this match main evented. Apparently, so were people in the crowd, because they all left. The Stud Stable is just getting jobbed out.The criss-cross spot happens, and Fuller hits the ropes LIKE A MONGOOSE. Sylvia beats Robert Gibson with a kendo stick. Lee Marshall says "WHAT CAN YOU DO WITH A WOMAN WHEN SHE HITS YOU?! YA CAN'T HIT HER BACK!?" Lee Marshall was ahead of his time in that in 1988 he acted like so many internet trolls in 2019. The double dropkick hits, then the match is thrown out. ANOTHER LAME FINISH. This show was the shits.

The last thing I want is Lee Marshall interviewing people closing the show. The big SuperClash is used to set up future matches. The Stud Stable "want the Rock N' Roll Express again." Sylvia is horrified to talk and shouts a few words at random and nods her head. We go back to Marshall and Verne Gagne. For all the shit Schiavone got for hyperbole, Lee Marshall was far worse.

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